🚨 Frank LaRose You Dumb Son of a Bitch 🚨
Though I must admit, it was a masterclass in how Republicans launder their nonsense into the media.
I got drunk yesterday if you can believe that and I looked at my phone and oh my God the Secretary of State had announced an official investigation into the Rainbow Coalition Comandanté that determined no, the insane alcoholic communist blogger in The Bottoms isn’t a poll worker who will be dumping 10,000 Trump votes into the trash (though for the record I would have done just that).
I included the number 10,000 for obvious comedic effect even though a trashcan could probably hold a lot more. It was one of the many dumb-ass tweets I have sent through my life. Now I’m banned from Twitter for spreading “election misinformation” and somehow not for challenging the Secretary of State to come get a taste of my Figure-4 leg lock on Bellows Avenue.
My first reaction was to laugh. I can only imagine Frank LaRose’s eyes squinting in befuddlement over my entire persona when the tweet arrived on his desk. My second reaction was wondering how a man this dumb win a statewide election before I suddenly remembered the state in which I live.
Honestly I didn’t think any of this was worth mentioning on Election Day. That was until about 15 minutes ago when LaRose went in front of the Statehouse press corps and declared me “not funny.” I have an appeal pending but considering this is my third suspension I could be out of the Bird app forever.
LaRose’s move wasn’t dumb. It was deeply cynical as should surprise nobody who followed his bad-faith dicking of urban voters out of multiple early voting sites and drop boxes.
The investigation yielded that I was just some random asshole off the street and not an actual poll worker, right? To then use the authority of the Secretary of State's office to highlight my bad take to his 15,000 followers shows how Republicans launder nonsense into traditional media.
Reporters are now asking him questions about it, like the whole story is it was a dumb ass making a dumb ass joke online, as happens across this Godforsaken country every day. He knows his Republican base is primed for the “election is rigged” narrative so he gets to pretend to talk tough to an ANTIFA supersoldier.
I do agree with LaRose one thing. Elections aren’t a joking matter. Which is why I burn with rage every time I see one of those long voting lines being repurposed as a burning light of democracy. He doesn’t want everyone to vote because that decreases Republican leverage and we surely can’t have that during an election in which our hog president must win Ohio to have any shot at retaining his cum-soaked chair in the White House.
You want to talk about voter intimidation? Where is the investigation on that random old white man who is going around Upper Arlington and Clintonville at two in the morning and leaving intimidating pro-Trump messages signed by “Your Neighbor” under doormats. To me that’s much more intimidating than a fucking tweet.
I expect bad-faith nonsense from LaRose. He is a known asshole that isn’t even that well liked within his party. What I don’t understand is why Statehouse reporters are treating his nonsense like an actual story.
The questions should be: Why are you wasting time on what was clearly a joke on the eve of the most important election of our lifetime? Why did you choose to single out this one private citizen with this specific take that was clearly a joke? Why did you announce the results of your dud investigation?
Maybe I’ll ask him myself if he ever has the heart to show his Leave To Beaver face in the Bottoms. Somehow I doubt he will.