$100 for a Pack of Jailhouse Smokes

LLC tax loophole could (somewhat) close, the most Cincinnati Letter to the Editor ever, and more.

The Blue Jackets play the bastardly Boston Bruins in Columbus for Game 4 at 7:30 p.m. tonight on NBC Sports Network. CBJ leads the series 2-1.

I’ve come to respect the 7/7:30 start times for playoff games. Reminds me of my days living in the Mountain Time Zone, aka the best time zone for sports.

The NHL refused to suspend Boston’s Brad Marchand for his sucker-ass rabbit punch, which means it must be legal for Goalie Bob to stab him tonight.

$100 FOR A PACK OF PORTS!? NO WONDER A GUARD WAS READY TO RISK IT ALL

I smoked Newport cigarettes during a dark period in my life, and I didn’t think I could sink lower until a brief three-month period when I used empty Newport boxes as a wallet. (I apologize to anyone who knew me during this time.)

In retrospect, I have no idea what I was thinking. It would have been healthier to smoke shattered glass, and I paid roughly $6.25 a pack in an effort to kill myself.

I didn’t have enough money, nor was I ever desperate enough, to spend $100 for a pack of Newports. Apparently they’re worth a lot more in Montgomery County Jail, where a guard just got fired for smuggling.

From Mark Govaki of daytondailynews.com:

DAYTON — A Montgomery County Jail corrections officer was fired and investigators tried to criminally charge him for smuggling tobacco and selling it to inmates for $100 per pack, according to Montgomery County Sheriff’s Office documents.

The sheriff’s office tried to prosecute Byron D. Johnson but could not find state or federal statutes applicable to tobacco unlike alcohol, drugs of abuse or weapons, according a report obtained by the Dayton Daily News.

Reports indicated Johnson, 32, placed Newport cigarettes in a mop bucket and inmates collected them, divided the tobacco, flushed the packaging and rolled the tobacco in Bible pages to smoke it.

Touché to Byron Johnson for committing a crime without committing a crime. That’s just hustling smart.

The last paragraph baffles me, though. Using Bible pages as rolling papers is something usually reserved for edgy teenage potheads who just discovered atheism on YouTube.

HOUSEHOLDER POISED TO WHACK SIZABLE CHUNK OF THE LLC LOOPHOLE

For years, Ohio hasn’t taxed business owners who make up to $250,000. It has cost the state millions of dollars in revenue that could be used on schools, infrastructure, water quality, etc.

Democrats routinely complain about the LLC loophole, and House Speaker Larry Householder finally appears ready to do something about it.

From Jason Aubry of wdtn.com:

At that time, I asked what the majority caucus planned to do about the “LLC Loophole” and Householder told me they plan reduce who can benefit from it from business owners making up to $250,000 down to those making $100,000. 

“If we do that, it makes a significant difference and we think that probably does provide incentives for small business people to go out and reinvest in Ohio,” said Householder. “We think that when you get above that number it starts to stray a little bit and we’re probably taking care of some folks that that are putting it in the bank or putting it in their pocket.” 

Householder was asked if the 40% tax cut for people earning over $250,000 would also be going away, and the Speaker of the House nodded affirmatively. 

It must be a chilly day in Hell if an Ohio Republican is realizing the wealthy squirrel away tax breaks instead of re-investing in the state economy like normal people.

Householder ushered the Heartbeat Abortion Ban into law, so I’m not going out of my way to praise him. But given the choice between him and Senate president Larry Obhof, a hobgoblin who cuts his own hair with a dull steak knife, I’m rolling with Householder every time.

COLUMBUS BOARD OF EDUCATION LOOKING LIKE A JOKE

One thousand teachers and supporters marched through downtown Columbus last week to protest corporate tax abatements awarded by city council and the school board.

It’s easy to see how corporations con the board into pilfering its schools when members can’t even go on a retreat without bickering and infighting.

From Bill Bush of dispatch.com:

Board member Jennifer Adair, appointed in January, said she is “frustrated” because it seems to her that the board’s internet-televised meetings are for smiling and taking pictures, and nothing gets accomplished.

“We are dysfunctional,” Adair said. “We have to own that.”

…

Board Vice President Michael Cole responded that he was frustrated, in part, over “disrespectful” comments from two former board members with whom he often disagreed. He alluded to another member, Eric Brown, who is still on the board, who often voted with the other two.

“Let’s just put it on the table,” Cole said. “I’m glad two-thirds of it is gone.” But he added that he disagrees that the board is dysfunctional.

At one point, board President Gary Baker chimed in, saying he hoped that the newspaper wouldn’t write a story saying the board is in disarray. Just then a mouse interjected itself into the meeting, startling Superintendent Talisa Dixon and bringing a laugh to the room.

Asking a newspaper reporter to not write a story on the board’s dysfunction is a surefire way to ensure the newspaper reporter writes a story on the board’s dysfunction.

At least Jennifer Adair owns being dysfunctional. As any recovering drug addict or alcoholic will tell you, that’s the first step in the long, arduous journey to sobriety. It appears most of the board isn’t even ready to admit they have a problem.

If Columbus students are lucky, there is a handful of parents out there who read that article and said, “You know what? If these clowns can win an election, so can I.” School boards are vital institutions, and it’s clear the city deserves better than the current offering.

BENGALS COACH REFUSES TO WEAR A SUIT, DOOMS TEAM TO 0-16 SEASON

As a teenager, I loved nothing more than firing off a Letter to the Editor of the Marion Star. Here’s one that upset a deeply religious rival football coach:

Yes, I’ve been this way my whole life.

My point is: I understand the ethos behind writing a Letter to the Editor. The discourse in Ohio cities was better when citizens debated on the opinion pages.

I still cringed when I read what had to be the most Cincinnati Sports Fan take ever.

From Sheila Brenner in a Letter to the Editor of cincinnati.com:

Young [First-round draft pick Jonah] Williams was dressed professionally with a suit coat and tie, and [first-year Bengals coach Zac] Taylor chose an un-ironed, untucked plaid shirt for the occasion.

Williams looked every bit the coach and Taylor looked like a not-very-promising rookie.

The NFL Draft is a big deal, the players come with their entire families, dressed in their very best. What was Taylor thinking when he came out on that national stage? Couldn't he have grabbed a sports jacket and given a nod to the "I am a professional NFL coach" look?

Bill Belichick, who was the best coach in the NFL until the Browns hired Freddie Kitchens, routinely dresses like a hobo about to embark on a four-day wine bender. It’s almost as if sartorial decisions don’t affect job performance except in the eyes of stodgy fans who pretend a bunch of clowns wearing suits didn’t melt the world economy a decade ago.

Sheila also bungled her facts. Taylor didn’t appear at the NFL draft in an untucked plaid shirt. She saw a picture from the next day, when the Bengals introduced their first-round draft pick at Paul Brown Stadium, a taxpayer boondoggle inflicted upon the county by a grifter wearing a suit.

The saddest part is this wasn’t the most ignorant rant to appear in the opinion section of the state’s newspapers.

From Leslie Smith in a Letter to the Editor of dispatch.com:

Critics who say both genders should be paid the same if they hold the same job title overlook real-life facts (Dispatch article, Thursday). In many cases, men might be paid more because they are more valuable to the organization because they can often do more due to their gender. Perhaps they can be sent alone to do a job because the employer does not have to worry about them being accosted or raped.

Perhaps they are asked to do heavier work because they are stronger than a woman doing the same job. Employers do not have to worry about the problems that come with women’s monthly menstruation cycles with male employees. Two employees of different sexes might be waiters but the male has to do the unpacking of deliveries due to his muscular ability or the fact the female waiter might be pregnant.

I am a woman who has had to hire and fire people. If legislation passes that requires men and women be paid the same for the same job title, employers will find ways around it. All they have to do is add more job titles or issue merit pay each time the male is called upon to do something the female does not have to do.

I’m not sure what’s worse: That a woman legitimately argued her sex should be paid less because they can be raped or that The Dispatch felt the need to print it. Either way, I’m dumber for having read it and now so are you. I’m sorry, but those are the rules of the game.

A RACIST IN RICHLAND COUNTY? YOU DON’T SAY…

In my day, we just asked women to prom. I never did because I was too busy posting online, but we certainly never had anything as ridiculous as “promposals.” If we did, I can only imagine some of the lunacy my dumber classmates would’ve pulled.

From Maia Belay of fox8.com:

BELLVILLE, Ohio - A Richland County student will not be attending prom after his school district deemed a sign used during his promposal used racist language.

"To be frank with you I thought, 'Oh my goodness; this is awful,'" said Janice Wyckoff, the superintendent at Clear Fork Valley Local Schools.

A picture Wyckoff said the student shared on social media states, "If I was black I'd be picking cotton but I'm white so I'm picking u for prom."

At least two other people saw this sign and thought it belonged on social media. I’d sarcastically say their parents must be proud, but they probably are considering nobody is born racist.

THOSE WMDs. You’re not getting enough sleep, and it’s killing you… Biden boasts strong support from unions, union busters… How taxpayers covered a $1,000 liquor bill for Trump staffer’s (and more) at Trump’s club… GOP-led states move the war on voting to a new front: voter registration… The best player you never saw.