21 Weeks for an Unemployment Check
21 Weeks for an Unemployment Check
Things are just getting started.
I’ve been running free articles five days a week for the last three weeks. Now that the coronavirus crisis looks like it’s here to stay through July 1 at the earliest (and possibly post-Christmas at the latest), my plan is to return to the regularly scheduled process of Monday (paid), Tuesday (free), Wednesday (paid), Thursday (free) and Friday (paid) until the next time shit starts popping off.
If you are down on your luck or can’t afford a subscription, shoot me an email at djforohio@gmail.com and I’ll hook you up as a coronavirus courtesy subscription for one year.
If you didn’t open this e-mail by Sunday night when I sit down to type Monday’s article then the offer is on the table!
Also if you have some extra cash and want to throw your buddy a subscription, you can do that here:
Also I wrote this after finishing Ozark Season 3. It’s on a trajectory better than Breaking Bad. I don’t think I’ve ever related to a character more than Ben Davis (played by Tom Pelphrey) in this non-spoiler scene:
Ahhhhhhhh me and you both, Ben! Me and you both, buddy. Let’s move on.
THE STOCKS GO UP AND THE JOBS DISAPPEAR
On Monday, I linked to a song by a comedian explaining the American economy and what an absolute farce it is. One line I liked — other than “Mama! Economy! Make Me Understand!” — was “When the stocks go up, the jobs disappear!”
Well, the federal government announced the jobless claims yesterday. The results weren’t good for everyday people. That didn’t seem to matter to the fabled stonk market though!!!
Of course this is the result of the cocaine maniacs trying to squeeze a few more coins out of the soon-to-be bottomed-out economy through a good ol’ fashioned pump-and-dump.
The stonk market doesn’t affect unemployed workers. Not in a good way anyway. What sucks for those that lost their jobs in Ohio is our state is controlled by Republicans who have shredded the social safety net for the last 40 years.
So while Mike DeWine deserves praise for LISTENING TO A FUCKING DOCTOR — high praise for any elected Republican — the debacle of the unemployment system is entirely on his administration’s shoulders.
From Michael Baldwin of fox19.com:
CINCINNATI (FOX19) - The news isn’t great for those waiting to file for unemployment in Ohio.
Kimberly Hall is the director of Ohio Jobs and Family Services. She says the system was not designed to handle the current influx and that it is overwhelmed.
Last February, Hall says OJFS received around 111,000 calls statewide. This year, it’s over 1.7 million.
“We absolutely started from behind,” Hall told FOX19 NOW. “The system was not designed to handle that influx, essentially, that came almost with a light switch on March 15th.”
Among those waiting is Arielle Ashcraft, a bartender at Walburger’s in Downtown Cincinnati. She filed for unemployment three weeks ago, she says. Now, like so many, she is forced to wait.
My heart breaks for people who worked their whole lives paycheck-to-paycheck (apparently like every billion-dollar corporation in America) and now they’re out of a job due to no fault of their own yet they retain no lobbyists and accountants to get their hand into the till that will soon be dispensed.
CORONAVIRUS TESTING STILL EXTREMELY SHITTY
South Korea, who announced their first case of coronavirus on the same day as the United States, has gotten a handle on their outbreak despite high urban density and mass transit because their government took the threat seriously and immediately went to work producing as many corona tests as possible.
Our government went the opposite way. And now stories like these are across the country.
From Bennett Haeberle of 10tv.com:
COLUMBUS, Ohio — About a dozen patients who were tested for COVID-19 at an Ohio State hospital in mid-March had to be re-tested because their samples couldn’t be processed, 10 Investigates has learned.
A couple of those people affected said they were tested at OSU East Hospital and had already waited nearly two weeks without hearing any results — increasing frustrations at a time of uncertainty for many people in Ohio.
The experience “really left a sour taste in my mouth” said one viewer who wrote to 10 Investigates about her loved one’s experience with having to be tested and re-tested.
Here’s what that test looks like, by the way:
I’ve done my fair share of cocaine in my life, though those days are behind me until the night the Cleveland Browns win the Super Bowl.
That test still gives me the heebiejeebies. I feel sorry for the 60-year-old grandmas that are going to have to go through this test a second time to possibly find out they might have the famous lethal bat virus.
THE NEXT WAVE OF THE DEPRESSION
If Congress, which decided to take a month-long hiatus during a GLOBAL FUCKING PANDEMIC, doesn’t get cash into the hands of our state governments, then the austerity freaks are about to hit pay dirt at the expense of people who actually have to work for a living.
From Amanda Albright, Shruti Singh and Danielle Moran of bloomberg.com:
New York, the epicenter of the U.S. outbreak, is projected to lose between $10 billion and $15 billion of revenue in the fiscal year that starts Wednesday. Ohio state agencies are looking to cut 20% in spending, and Cincinnati is furloughing 1,700 city workers. Georgia may have to renege on a $1,000 pay raise for teachers that state House lawmakers had budgeted for in the coming year. California is already dipping into reserves and has warned state agencies not to expect full funding next year.
States, cities and counties rely on revenue from taxes on income, sales of goods and even on gains from the stock market -- all sources of money that the virus threatens to wipe out as the U.S. is poised for a recession. Despite the unprecedented federal stimulus package that includes $150 billion for states and municipalities, officials like New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio say more help is needed to make up the funds that local governments are losing, and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has called for “significantly more” aid for states.
Won’t sleep well tonight knowing Nancy Pelosi is on the case. She is a deficit hawk whose only job is to protect the capital class from the left-wing of the Democratic party who want to tax her billionaire and triple-digit millionaire donors into the stone age.
I can’t even begin to express how depressing it is to know Pelosi and Chuck Schumer are the leaders of the ostensible resistance party in the age of Donald Trump. And that was before coronavirus arrived on our shores.
BAD TIME TO TAKE A CRUISE
Folks, it’s important to read international news. If you do, you might have read reports about coronavirus from Italy and China and realized this shit was serious!
It also would have prevented you and your wife from taking a 31-day cruise during the initial outbreak of a once-in-a-lifetime plague that would keep you stranded at sea for 19 days.
From wave3.com:
FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. (FOX19) - A cruise disrupted by the coronavirus left hundreds stranded at sea after several ports refused to allow the Holland America ships to dock. Now at last the voyage is coming to an end.
…
Andrea and her husband, Rob, are from Maineville, Ohio.
The couple boarded the Zaandam on March 7 hoping to enjoy a 31-day cruise through South America. However, just one week into the trip the itinerary quickly changed when nine passengers tested positive for COVID-19 and four people on board died.
“One night I did hear the medical emergency call and I said a prayer and hoped it wasn’t serious, and unfortunately that was somebody dying,” Andrea said.
Looks like you should have prayed harder, Andrea! But in God’s defense he’s probably a little busy right now even for an omnipotent being that sits at every lever of power in our universe except in the Hellhole he helped create here on Earth.
PLEASE STOP ORDERING NON-ESSENTIAL ITEMS THROUGH THE MAIL BECAUSE YOU’RE BORED AT HOME
My friend works as a driver at UPS. This is what the back of his truck looked like yesterday at about 10 a.m.
He had 220 stops yesterday. More than any Christmas-day season. And unlike Christmas season, he didn’t have any extra help.
What I’m saying is, your delivery driver definitely knows if you’re not ordering non-essential to your items to your door three times a week. (Note: Coronavirus can live on cardboard box for over 24 hours.)
Amazon workers are fed-up with your new levels of horniness:
Amazon is also breaking the law and using racist language to fire workers for attempting to use their legal right to form a union. It is a diseased company and you should dissociate from it immediately. There are plenty of other companies that sell junk for you to order when this pandemic ends. In the meantime, we need to protect the people that are on the frontlines of this disease. Your vanity purchases can wait.
THOSE WMDs. The pandemic is not your vacation… Jared Kushner is going to get us all killed… Trump and Xi set the stage for the coronavirus pandemic… I followed a kilo of cocaine from field to street… I spent a day in the feeding frenzy for N95 masks.