All The Mean Things Wall Street Journal Subscribers Said About Me Yesterday

"Parasite," "low-life," and "a 13-year-old with an Urban complex" were just the tip of the iceberg.

One reason I agreed to an interview with Andrew Beaton of The Wall Street Journal was because knew thousands thousands of their subscribers would come to revile everything about me within 800 words.

It’s an opportunity that no self-respecting communist would ever turn down. And what better subject than the fallout of grainy video of a drunken multimillionaire NFL coach trying to finger blast a young woman in his own restaurant in the most popular neighborhood in the city on a Friday night.

I talk a lot of shit in these pages, in no small part to my philosophy that nobody wants to read anything boring at 4:59 in the morning. Naturally, because of my numerous neuroses and bombastic style, there is always going to be a non-zero amount of people who would like to stuff a ball gag down my throat and throw me into a smoking volcano.

In the interest of journalistic integrity and fairness, I would like to republish some of the best hits from the comments section on the article. Needless to say, these capitalist freaks did not disappoint.

This guy is a negative parasite who revels in the failures of others. Meyer's behavior was awful, but this guy is worse.

My 2022 New Year’s Resolution is to become a positive parasite.

Mr Byrnes is hardly a sleuth, and he does not have much of a reputation. Very few people ever heard of him.

This is totally fair.

It appears the Taliban have succeeded in taking over the NFL.

I don’t even know how to respond to this. Amazing sentiment, though.

Sounds like a 13 year old boy with Urban envy.

Please. Even my girlfriend would agree I am at least a 17-year-old boy.

Would this be in the news if Urban were anything other than Caucasian? 

Yes, what is the problem? 

Caution: Genius at work.

wow, wouldnt mind that 5 mins back. why is this news?

For the same reason you read the headline of “The Electrician Who Shocked the NFL with Videos of Urban Meyer,” clicked on it, read the article and then commented on it.

Great story for the supermarket tabloids, not the Wall Street Journal. Be proud of yourselves for giving the Twitter guy 5 minutes of fame.

There is much more honor in supermarket tabloids than the Wall Street Journal.

I forgot to say D.J. Byrnes, a Columbus, Ohio union electrician’s apprentice, is a major attention seeking lowlife.  

At least this guy didn’t accuse me of being a minor attention-seeking lowlife. That would have been devastating.

This article has over 200 comments, a derivative of the number of clicks this column has received.  The fact that we comment is the fundamental reason articles w/o value keep showing up.   For a sophisticated group of readers who pay a lot for a WSJ subscription, sometimes we're not the brightest bunch :)

….. Sometimes????

Did I miss something here? 

Was I supposed to be impressed by the personality of DJ Byrnes?

Yes, as profiled in The Wall Street Journal.

Warning to all! Be careful with your actions in public.  There may be some low life lurking who can film you in hopes of ruining your life.

Only if you’re a multimillionaire NFL coach who made millions off unpaid predominantly black labor and took every opportunity available to preach what a “family values” guy you are. Then, maybe if you appear at your own restaurant and try to shove your thumb up the ass of a strange woman, then yes, maybe there will be a lowlife lurking to film in hopes of ruining your life. Otherwise you’re probably not that interesting for somebody to do that to you.

I think  DJ Byrnes is the laughingstock.

I do like to laugh, it’s true.

WSJ article?  huh?....maybe this is just TMZ with a nicer web design....

Somebody is so close to realizing a pertinent point to how internet media operates. So close!

I'm not sure which is worse, the Meyers or this parasitic messenger.  

Among the insults, “parasite” and “low-life” are easily the leaders in the clubhouse.

This ne'er-do-well seems like a total loser.

That’s just, like, your opinion man.

It's a sad day in America, when a hard-working man  is berated for having a few drinks with a fine woman on his lap.  Like Grandaddy told me when I was five, "boy, it don't matter where you get your appetite just as long as you eat at your own table". 

Not going to lie, I thought he was talking about me at first.

At least he just posted it on twitter and didnt try to sell the video to TMZ or Barstool , or even worse try to blackmail Urban. Pretty dumb though considering within minutes it was reposted on all the sites that would have paid him $20k for the video.

You can’t put a price on the dopamine I received from this. Sorry, not even a paltry $20k from true parasites like TMZ or Barstool.

Byrnes impresses one as a notoriety seeker, even to the detriment of others.

By “impresses one,” this man means him. He thinks I’m a notoriety seeker, but I would say notoriety seeks me.

Seems like there are many, like me, who are tired of these social media mavens who insist on capturing the behavior of others and broadcasting it out for public consumption. I worry more about the people who see it as part of their life's purpose to report out on other people. They would have succeeded in the Stazi. I have  no time for them.

This man just compared me to the Stasi, and frankly, it’s a compliment I’ll have to take among this rough crowd.

THOSE WMDs. Why this Facebook scandal is different… How South Dakota became an international tax haven… Americans throw away too many clothes… America’s most flamboyant private investigator and an 8,000-mile manhunt… The elliptical vs. the treadmill: which is better for you?