Alright, here's my little scheme for Rooster News
It's like Columbo taught me: Punch up, dress down, and catch these crooks when they're least prepared!
What was once a daily grievance newsletter operated by a lowlife drunk to survive in a capitalist society has evolved into a somewhat respectable news operation.
The crux of that development is that I’ve discovered what the haters and losers who control our state government don’t want you to know—that the Statehouse is the People’s House.
That’s not an empty platitude, either. Any member of the public is free to walk into the Statehouse during its hours of operation and walk through any non-restricted area, provided they leave their ostensibly God-given right to possess a murder machine at the front door.
It’s worth checking out if you’re a fan of historic architecture, seeing government reptiles in the flesh, or even enjoying a five-star meal at House Taco, the best taco joint in downtown Columbus.
It also means that any private citizen can walk into the Statehouse and settle any personal vendetta with any state legislator via their First Amendment rights. And in this era, those kinds of confrontations must occur on video, or they might as well not happen at all.
The Tennessee Holler is a website that captures this ethos, and it’s an operation that I’ve admired for years:
Obviously, I need to up my video editing skills. That process is already underway. Please comment below or reply to this email if you know anyone who can aid in that process.
But I already have some ideas for videos that can also be fed into President Xi Jinping’s favorite social media app, TikTok.
Here’s a video that my faithful comrade-in-arms, Kevin Harrish, produced for me to give you an idea of the power of video, which is something that has thus far gone untapped by traditional Statehouse media:
Yes, that’s right: Be sure to follow Rooster News on TikTok.
The truth is, I no longer see the point in interviewing politicians at a preset time, date and location. As State Rep. Derek Merrin (R-Monclova) proved, these guys can almost become the Speaker of the House without ever facing a hostile interview environment (which explains why I rolled him like a cheap Wal-Mart area rug in our first two encounters) in their rise to power.
These coatrack politicians call press conferences where they believe they set the agenda. Worse, they feel they only have to answer questions that feed into that preset agenda.
To me, that’s about as informative and entertaining as watching snails fuck on a sidewalk on a hot summer day. Those kinds of charades only produce the well-rehearsed platitudes every politician keeps in their back pocket. Nothing makes the average person fall asleep faster, which is precisely what politicians want in the first place. Why play their game when I am much better at playing my own?
The downside to this business pivot is that I can’t just roll up to every Republican and call them a gaping asshole or even heckle them in a way you might expect of me.
This will be considered “laundering Republican reputations” to idiots on the street. Still, it’s a matter of decorum that must be observed to develop sources to give me insight into intra-Republican politics that primarily get handled behind closed doors.
There are, however, exceptions to every rule:
The other downside is that the five-day-a-week publishing that The Rooster has maintained since its inception in January 2019 is going away next week.
Rooster News will instead publish on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. As a result, free dispatches won’t be guaranteed every week and will instead be sporadic when the mood or topic strikes.
While I understand some subscribers will be disappointed, or worse, cancel their subscription outright, this move is something that I believe will allow me to deliver a more in-depth and edited product than is currently possible under the loved albeit archaic “daily screed” format.
It’s also a needed move because I am not yet blogging from Titty Island, contrary to popular belief. I have other jobs and responsibilities which I’ve neglected in recent weeks. I wish it weren’t like that, but it’s true. Anything more is untenable.
Overall, I think the plan allows Rooster News to become a dynamic, all-encompassing look at the Statehouse (and state politics in general) through the nontraditional, cantankerous lens that longtime readers have come to love and enjoy. I am confident it will allow me to deliver a higher quality product to you, my faithful ally in the neverending march against the inevitable fascist conclusion to the American experiment.
You can expect another dispatch tomorrow (as well as a Rooster in Review), but take heed that the new era begins Monday. In the meantime, tell a friend to tell a friend about the storm that is brewing.
The Patriots Caucus is going to war, and it’s going to need to upgrade my current video equipment—an iPhone I bought in July 2018.
Together, we will build a unique media operation capable of covering the Statehouse and Columbus City Hall in a way worthy of the 21st century.
THOSE WMDs. The dirty little secret of credit card reward programs… Why you can smell the rain… The Big Lebowski turns 25… Here’s how to say you’re sorry… Cardio or weights: Which comes first?
Love every word. Evolution of the revolution. This is healthy communication 101 in my humble (although mostly derelict, lol) opinion.
An inspiration to all us current/former overworked & underpaid ragged trousered philanthropist agitators.
hell yeah brother. most important thing is that you fully take care of yourself and prioritize your own ability to sustain yourself.