Bengals Keep Grifting Cincinnati
Les Wexner loses $58 million, a cat finds its way home after five years, and more.
I first logged into the internet from my parents’ basement in 1993. In the 26 years since, I’ve come to wonder how much damage the super information highway has done to my already fragile psyche.
Do I ever log off? No. Not really. I just joke about my addiction because that’s how men are traditionally trained to deal with their shortcomings.
But every once in awhile I see a video that makes me think Online Rotted Brain Syndrome is totally worth it.
Enter the Long Island Bagel Boss.
Nobody in the history of mankind who has asked, “Do you want to go outside?” has actually wanted to go outside. It’s just empty gesticulation meant to look tough. No coincidence the tiny misogynist got tackled to the floor moments later.
Still… “You’re not God, my father, or my boss!” is something that I will be laughing about all day today after laughing about it all day yesterday.
BENGALS STILL PILFERING CINCINNATI
I wasn’t into the NFL much as a child. Considering I liked cats more than dogs, choosing the Cincinnati Bengals over the Cleveland Browns seemed like a rudimentary choice to me.
I attended a game during the Jeff “Shake N” Blake era. I also saw Caron Palmer shred his knee against the Steelers in the AFC playoffs.
But when I returned from Montana and began to follow the NFL like a dumb ass, I noticed every Bengals fan from my hometown of Marion (including myself) was a giant bag of dicks. Not to mention the owner of the Bengals, Mike Brown, was undoubtedly the biggest and cheapest swindler in the league, which is saying something.
So, I joined the Browns swagwagon in 2007 and never looked back. I don’t feel bad, either. It’s not like I joined a juggernaut.
It’s also as clear as ever that the Cincinnati Bengals will never win shit as long as Mike Brown is their owner. His only skill, other than cutting costs, is grifting the taxpayers of Cincinnati.
Here is just the latest example.
From Dan Horn and Sharon Coolidge of cincinnati.com:
When Hamilton County and the Cincinnati Bengals negotiated a new stadium lease late last year, the two sides put out a statement that answered some questions about what was new and what was changing.
But it didn’t explain everything.
It didn’t, for example, say how much county taxpayers might have to pay to buy land for a Bengals practice facility on the riverfront. It didn’t reveal much about a proposed music venue next to the stadium. And it didn’t say what other give-and-take might have gone on between the team and the county to reach the deal.
County officials say none of that is anyone’s business but their own. They say anything they’ve talked about is top secret, for their eyes only, this-recording-will-self-destruct-in-five-seconds kind of stuff.
…
Six months after the [Freedom of Information Act] request was filed, county officials sent back 275 pages that had been almost completely blacked out. Every word, other than the date, subject line and names of email recipients, was gone. No noun or verb remained. No punctuation mark survived.
County Commissioners are some of the biggest troglodytes in America, so it’s no surprise Hamilton County’s think they can get away with this. And you know what? The sad thing is they may.
The NFL, MLS, and NCAA Tournament stadiums have all gotten away with extorting the taxpayers of Hamilton County. Why do they keep falling for this? I remain bemused.
JEFFREY EPSTEIN RAPE SCANDAL REACHES COLUMBUS
You might have heard about financier Jeffrey Epstein’s latest arrest in New York for running a pyramid scheme of child rape after escaping the death penalty in 2008 thanks to the myriad of powerful friends at his disposal.
Press reports often label Epstein as a “billionaire,” though that’s never been proven. Columbus’ Les Wexner has been the only public client of Epstein’s. And though the underwear tycoon was forced to sever ties with Epstein after the 2008 arrest, the latest one has given new scrutiny to their long-time relationship.
From James B. Stewart, Matthew Goldstein, Kate Kelly and David Enrich of nytimes.com in an article that insinuates Epstein ran a Ponzi scheme without ever saying that explicitly:
Robert Morosky, who had been the vice chairman of The Limited, was surprised Mr. Wexner took to Mr. Epstein so readily. “Everyone was mystified as to what his appeal was,” Mr. Morosky said. “I checked around and found out he was a private high school math teacher, and that was all I could find out. There was just nothing there.”
At the time, Forbes estimated Mr. Wexner’s net worth at $1.8 billion, placing him 52nd on its billionaires list. Managing his money would be a lucrative business, but Mr. Epstein did more than that: A corporation controlled jointly by the two men bought a mansion on East 71st Street in Manhattan in 1989 for $13.2 million, at the time the highest price ever paid for a Manhattan townhouse, according to property records.
Mr. Epstein was also closely involved with Mr. Wexner in a corporation that oversaw the transformation of New Albany, an Ohio suburb near The Limited’s Columbus headquarters, into a manicured, neo-Georgian utopia. In 1998, they appeared as co-presidents on the New Albany Corporation’s Ohio registration. Both men owned mansions in the community.
Epstein being involved with the development of New Albany just reaffirms my previously held belief that we should bulldoze New Albany and Easton Mall in the same day.
There are allegations of Epstein-induced assaults occurring at Wexner’s manse, too.
From Kate Briquelet and Lachlan Cartwright of dailybeast.com:
In the affidavit, Maria Farmer says she was an artist and grad student in New York City in 1995, when she met Epstein and his alleged madam, Maxwell, at an art show. The following summer, she alleges, the pair sexually assaulted Farmer in Ohio—and molested her 15-year-old sister at Epstein’s ranch in New Mexico.
The duo are accused of sexually assaulting Farmer while she stayed at Wexner’s Ohio mansion. At the time, Epstein had allegedly enlisted Farmer for a special art project at Wexner’s property, where she stayed along with her younger brothers.
Personally, I never trusted Wexner, a grown-ass man with too many opinions about women’s lingerie for my liking. We’ll see if it was simply happenstance that Wexner got in on the ground floor of a worldwide pedophilia ring, but I have a feeling that some of the Wexner signs that populate buildings throughout Columbus could come down unless Epstein magically turns up dead in a prison cell.
America’s true god, the stock market, didn’t like the new scrutiny either.
From Sissi Cao of observer.com:
L Brands is the parent company of Victoria’s Secret and Bath & Body Works. The stock plunge on Tuesday has cost its chairman and CEO Wexner $53 million on paper, given his 17.35 percent ownership in the company.
Wexner, 81, is the only known client of Epstein’s mysterious money management firm registered in the U.S. Virgin Islands. He is also the former owner of Epstein’s 45,000-square-foot residence on Manhattan’s “Museum Mile.”
It may make me a communist to some, but I’m of the belief that you have too much damn money if you can lose $53 million in a day and face an immediate lifestyle change.
HOW ABOUT A FEEL-GOOD STORY?
Enough with Wexner’s sorry ass! Let’s talk about news that matters, like a Maine Coon cat named Quill who returned to their owner after five years of traveling the world.
From Emily Mills of ohio.com:
STOW — If you would have asked Lori Croghan before last week what happened to her Maine coon cat, Quill, who got out of her house five years ago, she would have been pretty sure of her answer.
“We thought maybe he met his unfortunate demise,” said Croghan, who lives on a street just off busy Darrow Road in Stow.
But against the odds — and the heavy traffic on nearby Darrow and Graham roads — Quill was found more than a mile away and came home last week.
…
The family only had Quill about six months when he got out of the house. Quill was microchipped when he came home from One of a Kind Pets, but despite Croghan posting in local missing pet groups on social media, there were no sightings of Quill for the five years he was missing. Croghan thinks that means someone likely took Quill in and was caring for him.
Canton teacher Jennifer Albrecht, who lives more than a mile away from Croghan’s home in Stow, noticed a cat hanging around her patio at the end of May this year. Albrecht, who feeds other stray cats in the area, started calling the cat Suzy Q, thinking the affectionate, friendly cat who always wanted head scratches was female.
I understand why people prefer cats over dogs. I don’t agree but I understand. What I don’t understand is people who disrespect cats. Any dog that got out like Quill would be dead. Sorry if that offends.
REMEMBER: THESE REJECTED VANITY PLATES CAME FROM REAL OHIOANS WHO SHARE THE ROADS WITH YOU
Articles about rejected vanity plates terrify me. It perturbs me to know there are people that walk into government offices and apply for license plates that declare how much they love 69, the sex number.
How do you people hold jobs? How do you form and maintain social bonds? These are just some of the questions I ask while perusing the list.
Here are some of the scariest ones, via Jay Skebba of toledoblade.com (click the link for the full list):
STALIN — OK, that one should have been allowed only if got put on a tank.
CLAPTRP — I remember a time, not so long ago, people used to be ashamed of their sexually transmitted diseases.
FFSGO — Honestly I say this three times during every commute. Should have been allowed.
LIKE269 — This guy hasn’t 69’d in his life.
SIDEBCH — Again, another thing I didn’t know people were bragging about.
IEATASS — Buddy, it’s 2019. Everyone eats ass.
MURDAAA — Definitely can’t commit any crimes in that car.
B1G WANG — Absolutely not.
FUKNLIT — Would have been a good way to go straight to jail.
HNTAI — To those that don’t get this one: God bless you.
PUSYWGN — Another gem from the mind of an incel.
MORE 69 — Ohioans love the sex number, folks.
KIDNAPR — This guy is under FBI surveillance right now.
IDOANAL — Lots of sex-havers running around the Buckeye State.
QANON 45 — I’m surprised this one wasn’t allowed.
CLTARUS — From the mind of a guy who couldn’t find one on a map.
PAPA69 — Dude is 5’5”, 280 pounds, guaranteed.
PORNHUB — Sir, according to 19 members of the Ohio House, pornography is a national health crisis.
TNY DCK — Props for honesty.
RUB10UT — Another good way to get arrested and end up on a sex predator list.
MAYO 69 — I don’t know who submitted this one, but I hate them.
TBONE69 — Why?
BJ SHOP — OK, I’m intrigued.
69DADDY — Nobody calls you that.
RCDIVST — Good way to get shot by a cop during a routine traffic stop.
Ohio should auction off the right to include the number 69 in your vanity plate. It would probably gross the state over a million dollars.
“ERRANT” BURRITO TOSS LEADS TO ASSAULT IN KENT
Listen… if you’re going to toss a burrito off a bridge, please make sure there aren’t two surly thugs below that will assault you should you prove not to be an NBA-caliber shooter from that distance.
From ohio.com:
A Kent man was reportedly assaulted after he attempted to throw a burrito in a trash can, missed and struck someone with it.
According to Kent Police Lt. Mike Lewis, at about midnight on Sunday, the 19-year-old man was walking along the path on the West Main Street bridge in Kent, eating a burrito. He decided he didn’t want the burrito anymore and tried to throw it in a trash can, but missed and hit someone walking on the path below the bridge.
Two people then assaulted the man, Lewis said. They have not been arrested and there are no suspects.
99.9% chance that guy threw the burrito at those guys and then made up the trashcan story after they ran him down and kicked his ass.
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