Centrist Eats White Castle in Bexley
Centrist Eats White Castle in Bexley
Joe Biden feeds the streets of Bexley with White Castle, Mike DeWine goes on a $45,000 trip to Japan and Stonewall Columbus fails a dawg check.
Oh my god it’s another day trapped on the cosmic pebble where I’m forced to turn tricks in order to afford fine luxuries like shelter, heat and food. Tip of the cap to the enslavers that founded our country we really cracked a code. It’s hard to envision how life gets better than paying bills!
Red alert: I fucked up again yesterday if you can believe that. I sent sent Thursday’s dispatch to subscribers so I guess that means Friday’s is unlocked.
I know some of you free-loading centrists got paid today so what the fuck throw your boy a $5 bill and come bark with me five days a week.
JOE BIDEN COMES TO BEXLEY TO PLAY PRETEND POLITICS IN FANTASY LAND
There’s a Republican lawyer in Bexley with the nickname Rocky. Multiple people have told me he’s a good person which I’d be more inclined to believe if this Rocky fella hadn’t spent the last 25 years supporting the racist and anti-poor Republican policies until that train led to its inevitable destination in electing a sex predator to the Oval Office.
But whatever. Rocky has decided Republicans are bad now so better late than never.
Yet it’s of no surprise he has also thinks the solutions to our problems is another dusty white male with sunset brain who won’t raise taxes on the rich.
From Darrel Rowland of dispatch.com:
Susie and Charles “Rocky” Saxbe hosted the gathering of about 125 who mingled with the former vice president in the Saxbes’ home — noshing on Donato’s pizza, White Castle sliders and a huge bowl of Halloween candy — and then gathered for Biden’s speech as heavy rain pelted the large white tent erected in the back yard. Saxbe’s late father, former U.S. Attorney General William Saxbe, served with Biden in the U.S. Senate and later was attorney general under President Richard Nixon.
Biden immediately talked about Bill and Dolly Saxbe. When Biden’s (first) wife and daughter were killed, and his two sons seriously injured, in a traffic crash shortly after he won a U.S. Senate in 1972, Biden told Rocky Saxbe, “Among the first people to come to me were your mom and dad. And your mom was incredible.”
Biden lamented the loss of people like Saxbe.
“I think (in) this election the very character of our nation is on the ballot. It’s not about Democratic or Republican. It used to be, in the Republican Party as well as the Democratic Party, we had people like Bill Saxbe, who could be colorful, he could be tough. But the thing about him was, he was a man of absolute total integrity. And when he gave you his word, you could bank on it, no matter what it was.”
Today, “politics has become more coarse,” and “we’ve lost the confidence of the American people across the board in many, many ways.”
I used to wonder how Republicans and their unpopular agenda cleaned the clock of Democrats on a regular basis. But then today I watched every Republican in the House of Representatives vote nay on impeachment proceedings against what everyone knows is the most corrupt president of all time.
Meanwhile the Democratic frontrunner is eating White Castle in Bexley at a Republican’s house and lamenting how it’s “not about Democrat or Republican” as if both sides have played an equal role in pushing our country down a well.
Yes Joe surely if we just elect you the sensible moderate you’ll go Fox News and Capitol Hill Republicans will bow down in front of you and say wow sir we are in awe of your reasonable positions and we pledge to work in a bipartisan fashion with you.
“Politics has become more coarse” is also another searing insight into our discussion considering I’m 32 and Biden is a lot older so I assume he remembers that time Newt Gingrich the sex elf left his cancerous wife on her deathbed to go bang some blonde broad while he impeached Bill Clinton for fucking in the White House.
I don’t know maybe Biden forgot on the account he was super busy in the 1990s writing the crime bill that unleashed the concept of mass incarceration on America.
I also need to say I respect Bexley and have many friends from there. But mark my words I guarantee Joe Biden will win 98% of Bexley vote because it’s stuffed with with rich liberals who are disgusted by Trump and feel bad for poor people but also don’t want their taxes raised.
I mean my god can you imagine paying $1,000 to eat White Castle and listen to a doddering fool once again try to grope the presidency:
While much needs to change to stem corporate greed, “it doesn’t require us to go the route of some of my colleagues who are seeking the nomination. Not anywhere near there.”
In another mild swipe at his opponents, he said, “We can, in fact, provide health care for everybody.”
But he said his “expensive” fix to Obamacare would cost $700 billion, “but not $34 trillion that cannot possibly be paid for.” That’s the cost put on Medicare For All espoused by Sens. Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren, who both contend Americans would save in the long run.
Biden proves one of my favorite talking points: We already have a conservative party and that’s the Democratic Party.
In Biden’s world apparently all we have to do to do is ask nicely for the corporate ghouls to reverse their feeding habits of the last 40 years and stop extrapolating wealth from everyday people and funneling upwards. It’s amazing that nobody has tried that yet! It seems so simple.
Biden is also lucky I didn’t storm the castle because if I heard him say “we can, in fact, provide health care for everybody” then I would have said why haven’t we Joe? All the other developed countries eliminated the concept of private insurance and achieved universal healthcare yet somehow the land of the free and the home of the brave we’re still paying more for less in healthcare than anyone else?
Yeah Joe what Americans want is tax credits and health savings accounts. We love waiting on hold while a bureaucrat talks to their boss to see if a surgery our kid needs will be covered. When I think about the greatest country in the world it’s hard to envision a society where the rich or the poor could walk into the hospital without fear of going bankrupt? We might as well give the country back to Britain at that point.
But touche to Biden for saving his best Republican talking point for last. I love when political hobgoblins throw out a number like “$34 trillion” and everyone gasps like it’s a specter who has come to reap the flesh of children.
We could pay for Medicare for All tomorrow by simply trimming the military budget. But that takes more political courage to talk about the bloat in the military-industrial complex than it does to cash a check from an insurance company and deploy bad-faith arguments against the only plan in the game that ensures 100% of Americans.
At the end of the day Biden supports a world where Americans die if they don’t have enough money when they get sick. And that’s why I will never support him.
DARK MONEY FLOWS IN LOCAL ELECTIONS
The Supreme Court awarded the 2000 Presidential Election to the fail son of George H.W. Bush.
Despite the stolen election the majority of Americans who voted against Bush let it slide and as a reward we got to watch Bush appoint John Roberts as Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.
Fast forward to 2010 and Chief Justice Roberts cast the deciding vote in Citizens United vs. FEC which basically ruled that hahahaha fuck your elections money is speech and the rich will have their say.
So yeah now because of that train of events we live in a country where shadowy groups with names like “American Rising” can dump money into local elections and not have to declare expenditures and donors until January.
From Randy Ludlow of dispatch.com:
Described as “the unofficial research arm of the Republican Party,” America Rising Corp. typically works to dig up dirt on Democrats running for high office — the White House, Congress and governorships.
Yet the national opposition-research company recently dove into the Republican race for prosecutor in a small Ohio county — a race involving the daughter of Gov. Mike DeWine.
How and why the suburban Washington, D.C., firm inserted itself into the quickly resolved contest in Greene County is a mystery.
America Rising filed two public records requests with the prosecutor’s office and one with the Xenia Police Department, apparently hoping to land information dirtying up incumbent Prosecutor Stephen Haller, The Dispatch discovered.
Love to live in a country where a group of unaccountable Republicans can work out of a closet and alter local elections across the state.
Just how our Founding Fathers drew it up.
STONEWALL COLUMBUS FAILS ITS DAWG CHECK
The Stonewall Riot started in 1969 when New York City gays decided enough was enough and one of them threw a brick through the window.
30 years later a group in Columbus appropriated the name for the annual gay pride festival which felt like a feel-good story until four black protestors in 2017 had the audacity to interrupt the parade in the name of Philando Castille the law-abiding gun owner that Minnesota police murdered nonetheless.
Cops quickly descended on the peaceful protestors and frog-marched them to jail in a way that has never happened to any white collar criminal in the history of America.
Needless to say the Stonewall Columbus stayed true to their namesake by testifying in court against the protestors.
But now apparently we’re supposed to forget all that because two years after the incident Stonewall Columbus has consulted with their board of directors and decided hey you know what now that we think about it yeah we goofed that time we allowed cops into our festival to arrest marginalized protesters raising awareness of a law-abiding citizen extrajudicially executed by law enforcement officials.
I’m not sure the apology is supposed to accomplish two years after the fact but the one good thing to come out of the ugly incident was the founding of Columbus’ Community Pride which as you might imagine features zero cops and yet somehow has never had a single problem.
WHERE IN THE WORLD IS MIKE DEWINE?
Mike DeWine was born into money which obviously he didn’t choose but what he did decide is to become a Republican politician who dedicated his career to making life harder for poor people.
DeWine is so rich he loaned himself $4 million to bury 2018 gubernatorial opponent Richard Cordray in a cacophony of negative ads about rape kits. But now with his legacy secured DeWine has turned to more important things like traveling the world on Ohio’s dime.
How much do you think it costs to take five people to Japan? I would guess like $12K. Turns out JobsOhio has more money than that!
From Andrew J. Tobias of cleveland.com:
COLUMBUS, Ohio — It cost at least $45,500 to send Gov. Mike DeWine, First Lady Fran DeWine and three other state officials to Japan in September, according to a DeWine spokesman.
JobsOhio, the state’s economic development non-profit, covered the $39,000 in travel costs for the DeWines, Development Services Agency Director Lydia Mihalik and Lisa Peterson, DeWine’s communications director who documented the trip for the state’s social media accounts.
The state covered the roughly $6,500 it cost to send Sara Ziegler, a Development Services Agency official who works in a state department that deals with international trade, according to Dan Tierney, a spokesman for the governor’s office.
I guess we now know the purpose of JobsOhio: To subsidize DeWine family trips abroad
Here’s the thing most people don’t realize: Once you get rich to a certain point you never have to spend your own money. What benefits for Ohio did DeWine bring back from Japan? No doubt some nerd has a powerpoint with words like “trade relations” but I’m going to need more than that to be convinced this was money well-spent.
OHIO LOVES NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET
I’ve never stood the point of scary movies or anyone who chooses to be scared. Why would I pay to see a movie about some disfigured serial killer rampaging through a community of dipshits who keep walking places they clearly should not?
Sadly it’s no surprise I’m in the minority once again and you freaks love your scary movies.
From Dan DeRoos of cleveland19.com:
“When people watch scary movies, they experience physiological arousal,” according to Baldwin Wallace University’sDr. Molly Swiger, who has a doctorate in American culture studies. “Their heart rate, respiration, and blood pressure increases. Some people, often the same people who like roller coasters, enjoy that feeling. Others, however, do not enjoy that kind of rush.”
On the subject, the consumer tech company CompariTech used Google analytics and found every state’s most searched, and highest rated IMDB scary movie.
Some of the movies are classics from the 1960′s and 70′s, but others are slashers flicks from the 80′s.
In Ohio, it’s ‘Nightmare on Elm Street’ which get’s a 7.5 out of 10 rating from IMDB.
Ah so the truth comes out. You perverts are watching Freddy Krueger and getting horny. Somehow I’m even more baffled than I was before I dug into this topic.
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