Christmas in Bolivia

"Freaks bark together" goes international.

Last year I planned to culminate my Midlife Crisis Tour by spending Christmas in La Paz, Bolivia.

Next thing I know, the CIA is running that famous play of theirs: a coup d’état against a democratically-elected Socialist government in Latin America.

This is what the four-term president of Bolivia looked like until he proved to actually believe in nationalizing the nation’s Lithium reserves:

I’m already dreaming of a White Christmas in La Paz, a city you should Google if you’ve never had the opportunity. Next thing I know a White Christian fascist with noticeable roots is hoisting some 13th Century Goat Herder Almanac over her head and anointing herself president:

This would be like if the Michigan Death Squad LARPERs ushered Sarah Palin into the presidency.

The Centrists are no doubt saying “there he goes, off the deep end once again.” In my defense I would say anybody who thinks the CIA interfering in Latin American elections is some far-fetched fantasy tale should pick up a history book.

Secondly, maybe I’ve got it wrong. Maybe America was an innocent bystander. Maybe it had nothing to do with large reserves of Lithium coming onto the capitalist markets:

A funny thing happened this weekend, though. The long-delayed election finally came to fruition and Evo Morales’ old party, MAŚ, and more specifically his hand-picked successor, Luis Arce, stormed back to power on a decisive first ballot:

I often wonder how in the Hell the Democrats lose any election to Republicans. (In no small part because I lost an election to a MAGA chud myself.)

The cynical answer is the Democrats only exist to protect the capital class from the left flank of the party. I’m not saying I don’t believe that.

But look at Arce’s jacket. I mean, really, feast your eyes upon it. There is more drip in that jacket than any of the last 50 Democratic presidential nominees, other than perhaps Mary Anne Williamson.

There is no excuse for an ostensible worker’s party to lose to fascist theocrats who believe in trickle-down-economics.

A lot of Democrats are American Supremacists. They took that infamous poison pill and believe a bunch of enslavers with hippo teeth crafted the best system of government in an era before air conditioning existed.

We have more in common with the indigenous tribes of Bolivia than we ever will with some reptile like that sex freak Les Wexner, New Albany’s scion.

There will no doubt be people saying, “Well, there goes another white man talking about South American politics.” Like I don’t have the right to be happy for fellow humans being smart enough to reject the failed ideology of fascism.

My socialism extends past American borders. I live in a country where multimillionaire Botox elders like Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer and Joe Biden qualify as leaders of the opposition party. I live in a country that would rather spend money on war gadgets for dogs than a poor person’s healthcare.

Maybe I’ve got it wrong. Maybe Joe Biden will apologize for a lifetime of corruption and go on to blow up the Death Star. Maybe Nancy Pelosi will stop talking about her $17-a-pint ice cream in the middle of a pandemic. Maybe the Centrists have got the game figured out after all.

But maybe — and again, I’m just spitballing here — maybe the anecdote to the winds of fascism and theocracy is an unrepentant advocacy for workers. Maybe we dispense with the the milquetoast talk about “the middle class” and “investments” and talk level with the masses of hard-working people who are losing their asses every day in this country.

There is a reason the American government and corporations worked so hard to snuff any flame of socialism within our hemisphere. One system would benefit us and the other would benefit them. Now we live under their rules and think if only we work harder surely we can become America’s next multimillionaire.

Christmas in Bolivia never looked so good.