Browns Go to Jail
Browns Go to Jail
Kasich's top strategist lobbies as foreign agent, Ohio finds new way to kill people, and more.
Checking in on Big Boy Beto’s presidential campaign, and it’s somehow going worse than I imagined:
That is the look of a man who knows he will be out of the race before the first primary vote is cast. At least he can take solace in being the first White man nicknamed Beto to run for president.
Housekeeping note: If you’re a free subscriber who missed the Wednesday dispatch, it’s because I moved to paid-subscriber posts on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
You can get your first month free if you take the plunge today:
CLEVELAND BROWNS GO TO JAIL FOR GOOD, NOT BAD REASONS
This is the dreaded time of year for the average football fan. The NBA playoffs are winding down, and soon 19th century stickball will be the only sport worth gambling on.
It’s also a perilous time when players have idle time on their hands, which can lead to crimes, which can lead to jail sentences.
So when I first saw multiple Browns went to jail yesterday, I hoped they had at least murdered a Steelers fan in cold blood or something worthwhile like that.
Turns out, it was a voluntary visit as part of an outreach program looking at Ohio’s barbaric criminal justice system.
From Kimbery A. Martin of yahoo.com:
On Friday, seven Browns players — Lamm, cornerback T.J. Carrie, tight end Seth DeValve, defensive tackle Devaroe Lawrence, wide receivers Derrick Willies and Damon Sheehy-Guiseppi, and offensive tackle Brad Seaton — and members of the organization took part in a “Listen & Learn” tour to get an inside look at the Ohio criminal justice system.
…
The tour was designed to educate and encourage players to use their respective platforms to affect bail and policy reform. But for some attendees, conversations with public defenders, inmates and members of non-profit organizations reaffirmed only what they’ve already witnessed first-hand.
A never-ending cycle designed to penalize the poor. Public defenders who are either too overworked or completely disengaged. Racial disparities in jail sentencing. Unjust bail policies that disproportionately affect people of color and keep them incarcerated because they can’t afford bail. A scarcity in resources for non-violent offenders who are eager to succeed post-release.
“I watched my mom go through this and I watched her try to get back into society,” Lamm said of his mother, Candace. “She has a great support system in our family and I will do anything I can for my mother. But from a mental standpoint, it’s about building her up and showing that she can stand on her own two feet and be a different person.
Don’t think it’s a coincidence the Browns visited Bedford Heights City Jail and not the infamous Cuyahoga County complex, but it’s still awesome to see players talking about the monstrosity of cash bail in the doldrums of the offseason.
Meanwhile, All-Pro wide receiver Odell Beckham Jr. skipped Wednesday’s voluntary practice after appearing at Tuesday’s. Head coach Freddie Kitchens chose his words carefully when discussing his newest wide receiver.
From Josh Alper of profootballtalk.com:
Kitchens said he wouldn’t say that attendance at this stage in the program is unimportant, but that he wouldn’t be concerned about Beckham’s presence until the team holds a mandatory minicamp next month. Kitchens also said he was taking Beckham’s mindset into account when it comes to this set of workouts.
“It’s also important for him to be mentally ready to be here. I’m not giving him an out … It’s better for him to be here when he can present his best self. Emotionally and physically,” Kitchens said at a Wednesday press conference.
Kitchens added that he has no doubt Beckham will be ready come September and is “going to be a good football player in the fall.”
A certain stripe of fan loves to freak out about players not attending voluntary workouts, as if their first response to a boss asking them to work during vacation wouldn’t be “Fuck you!” between sips of a spicy margarita.
I do find it interesting Kitchens noted it’s important for Beckham to be “mentally ready to be here” when he was there the day prior.
I’m not saying I’m worried. It just seems like a thing to watch. The silver lining, of course, is the Browns don’t need Beckham to win the Super Bowl since we have Hollywood Higgins under contract.
A MASS SHOOTING YOU WON’T HEAR MUCH ABOUT
One troubling aspect of American life in 2019 is how our population is inured to gun violence to the point mass shootings with under 10 victims stay in the news cycle for 24 hours, if that.
Here’s one you won’t hear much more about, caused by a madman who launched a fusillade of shots into a bar crowd watching a live show.
From whio.com:
HUBER HEIGHTS — Three people wounded in the shooting at The Villa Tavern on Rip Rap Road in Huber Heights have been taken to hospitals, Huber Heights Police Lt. Matt Dulaney said.
A fourth person not hit by gunfire, but who suffered some unspecified injury, also has been taken to a hospital.
The conditions of the victims hit by gunfire are not known. Two of them have been taken to Miami Valley Hospital. The third was taken to Grandview Medical Center. No information was available as to their gender or age.
Dulaney said the investigation so far reveals that the shooter fired multiple times into a crowd listening to a live band outside the tavern. The gunfire erupted following some kind of disturbance, he said.
(Quick aside: Rip Rap Road is a great name for a road. Kudos to whoever coined that.)
Another thing that sucks about the amount of mass shootings is how people read “three people injured” and assume they’ll walk out of the hospital in a few hours after being stitched up by doctors. When in reality, it could be months or years of rehab before people are back to normal. Or it may never happen again.
Either way, Ohio allows concealed carriers to bring weapons into bars, so it’s surprising this stuff doesn’t happen more often.
JOHN KASICH’S (FORMER) TOP STRATEGIST IS A SHAMELESS OPPORTUNIST WITH NO CONVICTIONS
That’s former John McCain strategist John Weaver on the left, wearing the weary look of a man who has been trapped on a bus listening to John Kasich ramble about abortions and Justin Bieber for two hours too long.
When President Deals turned Kasich’s presidential ambitions into ash, Weaver took to Twitter as one of about 20 Republicans in the country who don’t like Trump. He had some takes about Russia, too:
Ah, spicy!
Fast forward to today. President Deals enjoys approval ratings within his party usually reserved for presidents following terrorist attacks, and not even Kasich’s ego will let him embark on another suicide mission against the orange president with dementia.
That means the gravy train has run dry, and Weaver’s principles are once again for sale.
From Theodoric Meyer of politico.com:
John Weaver, the top strategist for John Kasich’s presidential campaign in 2016, has registered as a foreign agent and plans to lobby against potential sanctions on Russia.
Weaver signed a contract last month to lobby on behalf of the Tenam Corporation, a subsidiary of Rosatom, the Russian state-owned nuclear energy company.
Weaver will lobby Congress and the Trump administration on “sanctions or other restrictions in the area of atomic (nuclear) energy, trade or cooperation involving in any way the Russian Federation,” according to a disclosure filing.
The six-month contract is worth $350,000, plus expenses, with an option to extend if necessary. “Time is of the essence in the Agreement,” the contract reads, according to a copy filed with the Justice Department.
If there were ever a glimpse into the soullessness of the political consulting class this is it. Usually I’d close by dunking on Weaver, but I would need about 72 hours to do better than this:
Enjoy the blood money, John. Hopefully it buys your wife something nice.
PRO-LIFE STATE FINDS NEW WAY TO KILL PEOPLE
Mike DeWine has taken a break from his pro-life quest of sending women to back alleys for abortions to announce the state could soon resume executions after finding a way to kill prisoners as painlessly as possible.
From Karen Kasler of wosu.org:
The Ohio Supreme Court has added a new inmate to the execution schedule even though Gov. Mike DeWine has delayed four executions until a new way to carry them out is developed.
DeWine said the Ohio Department of Rehabilitation and Correction is moving on his order to work up a new lethal injection method.
“We expect to have a protocol to submit to the court sometime in the next several weeks," DeWine said.
It’s times like these I ask myself, “What would Jesus do?” And he would definitely order the Department of Rehabilitation and Correction to work up a new lethal injection method.
SHOUTOUT TO THE REPUBLIC OF CAMEROON
The American Dream is coming ashore with $300 and going to school to one day sell boner pills to the swingers of Powell, Ohio.
From Tim Feran of dispatch.com:
The odds would seem stacked against someone opening an independent pharmacy today.
But for Emlah Tubuo, the owner and pharmacist in charge at the new Powell Pharmacy, fighting long odds — and winning — has been the story of her life.
Since she arrived in the United States in August 2003 from the Republic of Cameroon in central Africa with only $300 in her pocket, she has worked to get an education, find a home, build a family and start a business.
“Everyone looks at me and says, ‘Are you OK? In this world of doom and gloom for pharmacies, you’re opening?’” she said recently. “But my philosophy is that a pharmacist should be relational, not transactional, that a pharmacist should take care of patients like they’re my mom or my dad or my child.
“As a pharmacist, my primary concern should be the well-being of my patients, not payments.”
Jokes aside, I include this story because immigration is good for America and Ohio. We are lucky that Ms. Tubuo chose our state, because she obviously has the skills and drive to succeed anywhere in the world.
Racists love to say, “I don’t mind immigrants as long as they come here legally!” Anybody who thinks that should try to hire a Canadian to do your taxes. We should be making it easier to immigrate to America, not harder.
IT’S WITH A HEAVY HEART I REPORT PORTSMOUTH IS AT IT AGAIN
Last week, a Portsmouth parody site duped me into believing a resident had scammed the Scioto County Fair by pretending to be “90s country music icon Travis Tritt.”
This week’s story (which I triple checked for authenticity) isn’t nearly as cool or funny.
From wsaz.com:
PORTSMOUTH, Ohio (WSAZ) – Health officials believe some people may be sick with an intestinal parasite contracted from infected cattle and other animals, the Portsmouth City Health Department said Wednesday.
It says “a number” of Scioto County and Lawrence County residents may have become ill in connection with animals brought to the Lucasville Trade Days event from April 27-28.
Health officials say Cryptosporidiosis, also known as Crypto, is a diarrheal disease caused by a single-celled parasite. It can be spread by humans, animals or contaminated food and water.
The most common symptom is watery diarrhea and abdominal cramping. Anyone who believes they may have been infected is asked to call regional epidemiologist Molly Davis at 740-354-8931.
The lesson, as always, is to thoroughly wash your hands with hot water and soap whenever you get a chance. Life is too short to lose your life to a joker disease called crypto!
THOSE WMDs. Dee Dee wanted her mom to be sick; Gypsy wanted her murdered… Local D.C. courts acquitted him, but he still went to prison… Harvard betrays a law professor — and itself… Why Arizona is emerging as a top 2020 battleground… Liz Warren to bank regulator who saw her question as insulting: “Good.”