Columbus Machine on Notice
Time to find out if Franklin County Dems are taking their cues from a sample ballot.
A former aide for State Senator Steve Huffman (R-Tipp City) told me that my little buddy told him 90% of voters only care about who the president is.
That’s probably low considering the impact local elections have on the day-to-day live of residents yet in Columbus the city ostensibly a Democratic hotbed we have a city council that has appointed 35 of its last 39 members, including three of the four “incumbents” up for re-election today (the fourth one being Sherrod Brown’s daughter).
The MSNBC Democrats in Columbus would no doubt go ballistic in their $600,000 suburban houses if Republicans engaged in similar anti-democratic tactics so here’s hoping the reckoning has finally come for the local machine and voters stop taking their cues from sample ballots printed by party bosses.
If you’re in Columbus please go vote today this is a critical election and these are the only candidates that come #dawgcheckcertified:
MAYOR: Write-in “Senator Meow”
CITY COUNCIL: Liliana Rivera Baiman, Joe Motil and Tiffany White
SCHOOL BOARD: Kimberly Mason
ENVIRONMENTAL JUDGE: William A. Sperlazza
MUNICIPAL JUDGE: Trent Doughtery, Jessica D’Varga
It’d be a dream to see all three of my preferred candidates on the city council but right now I’d settle for Rivera Baiman claiming a seat so she can show Columbus voters what is possible from a council member who isn’t in the pocket of real estate developers.
The angriest episode of the Factory of Sadcast will post this morning but until then any Browns fan looking to waste 20 minutes of their boss’ time should watch this hilarious video of hellfire rained upon the incompetent football team we’ve all come to love and know due to the untreated mental illness(es) ravaging our brains.
LET’S HEAR FROM A COG
Columbus City Councilman Rob Dorans seems like a nice guy with whom I would probably enjoy to drink between one and 12 tequilas. He was also born in 1986 which people tell me all the time is objectively the best year to be born.
Unfortunately Dorans made a choice long ago to get into politics by climbing the rungs of the machine until February 2019 when he earned the machine’s trust to faithfully stand at the levers of power and enforce the status quo.
Seven months later he’s running as an incumbent for re-election and as the low man on the totem poll it’s no surprise he’s dispatched to defend the city council’s use of tax abatements and lack of affordable housing.
From Clare Roth of wosu.org:
“Columbus is at a critical moment in its history," he says. "We’ve seen our city have a tremendous amount growth over the past 10-15 years. How does that growth translate to our neighborhoods?”
Dorans is one of four incumbents in Tuesday's election trying to fend off a challenge from the progressive activist group Yes We Can, which has gone to great lengths lengths to make the election a referendum on property tax abatements and affordable housing.
Dorans says that the city's fast growth doesn't mean it can rest on its laurels, hence the need for tax abatements.
“We’re competing against cities like Nashville and Chicago and Austin, Texas, to make sure we have the ability to really get the economic progress we need to have in our community,” he says.
This is the hardest-hitting interviews any council member faces in this town. They get to spew cliches and pretend the only way to grow a town is to hand money to out-of-state developers at the expense longtime residents and public students who don’t even have air conditioning at school as the mayor sends his kids to private school.
The lack of affordable housing will eventually derail Columbus’ economic boom but none of the council incumbents will be in office to suffer the consequences by then so what the fuck do they care that’s our problem not theirs.
HOW TO COMMIT A FELONY ON ELECTION DAY
As a Millennial with internet brain rot I am always inclined to take a picture of what I’m doing and share it to social media. If you’re a pervert like me please don’t take a picture of your ballot today because that’s a felony.
From Alexis Mosberger of abc6onyourside.com:
COLUMBUS, Ohio — Election day is Tuesday for many voters. Once they finish their vote, one of the first things they want to do is post a picture to social media. However, in the state of Ohio, it’s illegal to post a picture of your ballot.
…
Many snapped a photo right after voting, however, posting photos of your ballot is considered a felony in Ohio.
"It was to protect voters from potential work issues, labor unions, ya know groups that are saying hey, we want you to vote for this person and you need to prove to us that this is who you voted for,” said Aaron Sellers, Franklin County Board of Elections PIO.
The law was created back in 1997. However, there are states that do allow it including Arkansas, California and Colorado.
As always this is advice I’m offering to other people that I won’t follow myself. There is no way I’m not sharing a picture of my write-in vote for Senator Meow for Mayor.
You might be asking who the Hell is Senator Meow? I’m not allowed to released his classified government identity but let’s just say I know the guy and he would do more for Columbus than that Republican grifter Andy Ginther has done in his entire career.
REPUBLICANS WEIGH PUTTING OHIO INTELLECTUAL ON THE INTELLIGENCE COMMITTEE
Congressional Republicans squawked about the lack of transparency in Nancy Pelosi’s impeachment inquiry into President Deals as if they produce zero charges after three million hours investigating Hillary Clinton for the four deaths in Benghazi.
The Republicans are running out of options as it’s clear President Deals extorted Ukraine in attempt to gin dirt on Joe Biden the guy who will probably finish fourth in the Democratic Primary.
How desperate are they? Well they’re looking at sending one of Deals’ biggest stooges onto the Intelligence Committee no doubt to deadcat process that the right-wing media echo chamber will present as the good-faith defense of our nation’s Republic.
From Nancy Cordes, Major Garrett, Arden Farhi and Rebecca Kaplan of cbsnews.com:
Washington — As the impeachment inquiry enters its public phase, top Republicans in the House are weighing whether to temporarily assign Representative Jim Jordan of Ohio to the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence, the panel that will conduct the initial public hearings. Discussions about adding Jordan to the committee are "active and serious," a senior Republican involved in the process told CBS News.
Jordan, currently the ranking member on the House Oversight Committee and an outspoken defender of President Trump, has essentially led Republican efforts in the closed-door impeachment proceedings thus far, where three committees have been able to participate. His top investigator, Steve Castor, has conducted the bulk of witness questioning.
If Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy were to temporarily assign Jordan to the Intelligence Committee, he would have to make room for him by removing a current member. The move would also undermine Devin Nunes, the committee's top Republican. McCarthy has sole discretion over Intelligence Committee assignments.
Here’s a taste of the intellectual honesty we can expect from the upstanding gentleman from Urbana:
Jordan and his ilk know how they’ll look in history books if Deals goes down so that’s why they’re doing everything in their power to make sure they’re writing the books.
OHIO STUDENTS LOVE TO VAPE
Back in my day if you wanted to smoke a cigarette you had to go to the bathroom and use a lighter and blow noxious plumes of tobacco while sitting on the toilet.
These days apparently getting away with vaping is so easy even those idiot second graders are willing to roll the dice.
From Bennett Haeberle of 10tv.com:
COLUMBUS, Ohio — Three second graders in one Ohio school district were caught with a vape pen.
In another district, a superintendent said he has a student with a $150 per-week vaping habit.
Those stories are just the tip of the iceberg.
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Vaping in Ohio schools has become a pervasive and costly issue.
Students caught doing it are disciplined and miss class time while districts are now spending thousands of dollars on vape detectors to combat the problem.
Across the state, the number of vaping incidents in Ohio schools has skyrocketed by more than 700 percent since 2016, according to a months-long investigation by WBNS-TV’s investigative unit, 10 Investigates.
I’m glad I wasn’t in elementary school or even high school when vaping debuted because I definitely would have been dumb enough to think it was cool and worth doing.
GREAT DANES MURDERS OWNER
Here’s the thing about the pets we all love to know… if you don’t feed them eventually they’re going to get hungry enough to try to eat you. And when that day comes hopefully you don’t own Great Danes.
From Tim Stelloh and Kimberly Flores Gaynor of nbcnews.com:
A woman found dead in her Ohio home last week was likely killed by her Great Danes, authorities said Monday.
Police in Clearcreek Township, south of Dayton, said that Mary Matthews, 49, may have been so intoxicated that she didn’t realize how badly she’d been bitten and didn’t call for help.
Matthews was found Friday afternoon by her husband, Dale Matthews, who was released from the Warren County Jail that day, and his son.
When officer Wendi Blaha responded to the report of a possible overdose at Matthews’ home, she found walls covered in blood and Matthews laying on the floor of her bathroom, a police report says.
Matthews’ body was covered in puncture wounds and appeared to be missing a piece of flesh from her ankle, the report says. She wasn’t breathing and her body was rigid, according to the report.
Blaha found two large, thin Great Danes on an enclosed deck that was so littered in feces that the “actual deck could not be seen.”
Remember the golden rule in life: There are no bad dogs. Only bad dog-owners.
THOSE WMDs. More people than ever are eating alone and it’s making everyone nervous… I accidentally discovered a nationwide scam on Airbnb… 20 small Ohio towns you should spend time in this fall… A restaurant ruined my life… New Hampshire couple’s adventures end with mysterious death in Texas.