You Get $1,200! You Get $1,200! And You Get $1,200!
Your boss is still not your friend.
We’re hurtling towards the Greatest Depression. Thankfully, the Senate — the infamously cursed institution where even Sherrod Brown doesn’t want to investigate colleagues credibly accused of insider trading on pandemic preparedness — actually worked through the night to put some cash in the hands of Americans (and much more money their corporate overlords).
Please note these details are the most recent details available as of this writing at 3:45 a.m.
From Erica Werner, Mike DeBonis, Paul Kane and Jeff Stein of washingtonpost.com:
The Senate bill would direct payments of $1,200 to most American adults and $500 to most children, create a $500 billion lending program for companies, states, and cities, and extend an additional $367 billion to help small companies deal with payroll problems. It would bolster the unemployment insurance system and pump $150 billion into U.S. hospitals. The bill more than doubled in size in just a few days.
White House National Economic Council Director Larry Kudlow called it the “single largest Main Street assistance program in the history of the United States.”
$1,200 ain’t going to be enough. It’s still more than adults would have gotten under a Democratic presidency. Mitch McConnell gladly would have let the economy tank during an election year.
The major sticking point on the bill was a $500 billion corporate slush fund overseen by the Steve Mnuchin at the Treasury Department with the recipients not being made public for at least six months.
Democrats didn’t seem keen on handing Trump’s crony free rein over a purse that big. An understandable concern because Trump got impeached earlier this year for using foreign aid as leverage in an attempt to extort Ukraine into announcing a fraudulent investigation into Joe Biden.
Republicans sure as hell weren’t going to write a $1,200 check to average Americans without a bigger pot of gold going to their corrupt cronies on Wall Street. (That link is worth clicking if you still think the stonk market is still a safe place to park your money.)
This pertains to the $500 billion loan and loan guarantee program that the Treasury Department would be tasked with administering for companies, states, and cities. Of that amount, $425 billion is supposed to go to businesses, cities and states. An additional $50 billion would go to passenger airlines, as well as $8 billion for cargo airlines, and $17 billion for firms that are deemed important to national security.
Trump has already said he wants some of the money to go to the cruise ship industry, and he also wants assistance for hotels. When he was asked Monday evening who would perform oversight of the program, Trump responded, “I’ll be the oversight.”
But during closed-door negotiations on Capitol Hill, White House officials agreed to allow an independent inspector general and an oversight board to scrutinize the lending decisions, senators said.
Ah! An “independent inspector general” and an “oversight board” with the almighty power to “scrutinize the lending decisions.” I’m sure Trump and his capitalist hogs are shaking in their clogs.
Hopefully this news will calm the residents of Walton, Kentucky. Otherwise their Mayor is about to whoop somebody’s ass.
Yes, coronavirus is a big fucking deal. Unfortunately President Business Deals went on FOX News yesterday and proposed a “beautiful timeline” in which the country eases social distancing measures on Easter Sunday that would lead to “packed churches.”
I thought that might sound like a good way to get hordes of his voters slaughtered before they have the chance to vote in November. I was right:
President Business Deals does not care about blood on his hands. He only cares about enriching himself and his family, which he can no longer do if the stonk market tanks and he loses an election to the corpse of Joe Biden.
The Trump Hotel in Washington D.C. is the epicenter of corruption this side of Mar-A-Largo, and both rackets are shuttered due to social distancing requirements.
However, the marching orders to open on Easter have clearly reached their intended ears:
No doubt the cocaine wolves on Wall Street would love an old-fashioned blood sacrifice. The stonks would run wild until people kept getting sick and dying. Would anyone here want to go hang out at a bar with coronavirus still rampaging? Only if you were a suicidal idiot.
To make matters worse, President Business Deals can’t stop talking like a mafia boss even when he’s the president and the topic is disaster relief:
You might just think this our erratic, childish buffoon of a president being flippant at a press conference, which he’s done so many times we’ve become inured.
But no, this is how he behaves in private. Florida governor Rob DeSantis, easily one of the dumbest governors in the country, received his full request for emergency supplies. Why? Because he’s a Trump acolyte.
Let’s see what happens to residents of states where the governor didn’t kiss the ass of the president:
This is slow-motion 9-11. That’s not an original thought. What is unfortunately original, however, is wondering what 9-11 would have looked like if the President had a bone to pick with the governor of New York so he let the hijackers board the plane anwyay and let the chips fall where they do.
YOUR BOSS IS NOT YOUR FRIEND
Mike DeWine shuttered “non-essential businesses” in Ohio, effective Monday night at 11:59 p.m.
The order was toothless. It basically asked business tyrants to make the call on their own, and business tyrants did as business tyrants always do: Put their workers on the line to maintain profits.
From Ron Regan and Mark Ackerman of 10news.com:
CLEVELAND — Sex toys, envelopes and craft supplies are among the products Ohio workers say their companies continue to make or distribute under the protection of being so-called "essential employers" as most businesses across the state have shut down during the Coronavirus outbreak.
Workers are raising concerns about their health and safety and remain skeptical whether employers are finding loopholes during Ohio's stay at home order issued by Gov. DeWine requiring non-essential businesses to close as of Monday night.
"I'm afraid of being fired if I don't come to work," said one employee at AmeriMark, a Cleveland-based direct marketer of women's apparel, shoes, cosmetics and health related merchandise --including more than 30 sex toys included in its "health living essentials."
The company also distributes wrist blood pressure monitors, pulse oximeters, glucose monitors and wheelchairs. The Ohio Department of Health's "Stay at Home Order" specifically includes "distributors of medical equipment."
I think the worst part is that Lt. Governor Husted told employees to call their local health department if they felt their boss was in violation of the “order.” In a proper state, the burden wouldn’t fall on employees to snitch on the hand that feeds it. That enforcement would come from the state.
This pandemic, however, has radicalized my friends in ways my ranting or typing never could. It’s one thing to listen to some crank ranting at the bar or read a blog post about business tyrants.
It’s another thing to be forced into an unsafe work environment by a boss, or worse yet, see it happen to your older parents or loved ones. I hope they remember their anger when this storm passes. Businesses shouldn’t be able to get away with these stunts ever again.
OF COURSE THE SPRING BREAK CORONA KID IS FROM THE CINCINNATI SUBURBS
CBS went to Miami last week to interview drunk college-aged kids about why they’d risk killing their grandma because they partied in public on Spring Break.
This is a much easier story to publish than one wondering why the Hell the governor hasn’t closed the beaches in the first place.
Perhaps the most infamous interviewee was a sloshed white kid in a backwards hat and a face so burned it looked like he had already contracted coronavirus.
He issued the immortal line, “If I get corona, I get corona. At the end of the day I’m not going to let it stop me from partying.”
I cringed for him, as I did for every other crunk young person that brushed off the thought of public health. Not only was it a dumb-ass statements. But also because they were too drunk to realize the internet wrath their comments would generate.
Well, the internet mob came for the Spring Break Corona Kid. His real name is Brady Sluder, and he’s an aspiring SoundCloud rapper from the Cincinnati suburbs.
From tiffinohio.net:
“I would like to sincerely apologize for the insensitive comment I made in regards to COVID-19 while on spring break,” Sluder wrote in an Instagram post. “I wasn’t aware of the severity of my actions and comments. I’d like to take this time to own up to the mistakes i’ve made and apologize to the people I’ve offended.”
“Our generation may feel invincible, like I did when I commented, but we have a responsibility to listen and follow the recommendations in our communities,” he continued. “I will continue to reflect and learn from this and continue to pray for our well-being. I deeply apologize from the bottom of my heart for my insensitivity and unawareness of my actions.”
As much as I enjoy roasting dudes from the Cincinnati suburbs, I’ll cut my man Brady some slack. Lord knows I’ve said some dumb shit while drunk. I still do! He owned his mistake and issued a solid apology.
Just hope he realized his mistake before he got on a plane home and interacted with everyone else.
MEET THE COVID—19 HUNTERS
So what happens if, God forbid, you test positive for coronavirus? Columbus will send a team of special investigators to trace where and whom you may have contaminated on the road to your positive test.
From Lacey Crisp of 10tv.com:
In the city of Columbus, there is a group of about 40 people who will interview and trace the steps of those who have tested positive.
They are like police detectives but search for anyone who has come into close contact with someone with the coronavirus.
Columbus Public Health Commissioner, Doctor Mysheika Roberts, explains this is important work to try to get those people who have been exposed to quarantine so they don't infect others.
“It helps reduce the number of cases in our communities, it's very important to not only identify the cases, but hopefully help mitigate and reduce the number of cases we get int he future,” said Dr. Roberts.
It is a tedious, time-consuming process, but Dr. Roberts says aside from good hand-washing, it's one of the bests ways to prevent the spread of COVID-19.
Testing and tracking is our only hope in beating back this virus and getting our lives back in time for football season. It’s why the lack of testing is an American disaster.
It’s also why we should practice social distancing. Even if you’re careful like Slim Thug, you can contract coronavirus. Social distancing makes the job of tracking contamination points that much easier.
SHOCKINGLY, SOUTHEASTERN OHIO STILL STRUGGLING
For all the glitz and glamor about America, it’s still a country with distinct winners and losers. This extends to individuals and corporations and all the way down to states and even regions within states.
Ohio is no different. Different cities and regions have boomed in our short history as a state. However, one region always left holding the bag is southeast Ohio.
It appears that will be the case with coronavirus testing, too. It’s true people that live in higher density areas are more at risk. Rural people are also at risk, though, because rural hospitals have been closed throughout the country and they have less access to social services.
What’s the old saying? Oh yeah. The more things change; the more they stay the same.
THOSE WMDs. America’s diseased politics… Private planes, blocs of fancy hotel rooms and VIP dinners: Perks of a being a Supreme Court Justice… Drivers say Uber and Lyft are blocking unemployment pay… The best canned tomatoes, ranked… The Republican plot to save the rich… Astronauts offer self-isolation advice… What I learned when my husband got the coronavirus.