Dave Yost is scared of the world he helped build

"Guns for everybody at any time" is a much more palatable position for a politician when they’re not confronted with being on the wrong end of a maniac holding a murder machine.

I had the chance to assassinate Ohio Attorney General Dave Yost on Wednesday if dying in prison for the stone-cold murder of a forgettable, coatrack politician was something I’d been interested in doing.

Thanks to Elia Athenian Grill being closed during business owners on my roughly tenth attempt to patronize the business I have never heard a bad word about, I instead rode my bicycle to Lexi’s On Third for a healthy, nutritionally balanced lunch of a gyro and fries.

Ohio’s Attorney General apparently had the same thought around the same time. Because midway through my meal, I looked over and saw Yost with an unknown woman.

The Lord works in mysterious ways because earlier in the week I had been thinking about how I’m out of practice busting up scumbag politicians since the Ohio Legislature is mercifully on their summer break.

But there is busting up random state legislators only known to three percent of Ohio’s population. Then there’s pursuing a confrontation on the street that, at the very least, will make the most powerful lawyer in the state ask himself, “Who in the Hell was that asshole?” when the dust settles.

I ran a poll with my Instagram followers because Yost’s Chief of Staff, a former journalist (lol), recently followed The Rooster on Twitter, and I didn’t want to tip my hand. Should I take Yost to gulag city? Well, only one respondent voted “hell no,” and at the end of the day, I make a living by giving my hog supporters the content they crave.

Thanks to the noble members of The Patriots Caucus, and even the freeloaders huffing fumes in the parking lot, The Rooster, for better or worse, has become a known commodity to the reptiles intent on taking our state back to the Gilded Age, where only white male property owners have any sort of influence on governmental proceedings and the rest of us break our bodies serving a small cabal of disgustingly rich capitalist overlords (repetitive, I know).

After a while, Yost realized the guy in the Fidel Castro tanktop wasn’t leaving before he did, so he summoned his state-sanctioned security muscle to escort him for two blocks back to his office.

He wanted me to be intimidated, like I didn’t know my rights.

Initially, I laughed. For all his power, Yost was scared of a guy with a camera? It wasn’t until later that Yost was actually afraid of the world he helped build. For all he knew, somebody had told me that he would be at Lexi’s On Third. I could have breezed into a pawn store, bought a handgun, and been legally concealing it on my persona with the intent to do him bodily harm.

I guess “guns for everybody at any time” is a much more palatable position for politicians when they’re not confronted with being on the wrong end of a maniac holding a murder machine.

But for all my flaws, of which there are many, I am not a violent man. And again, if I were, I wouldn’t throw my life away on a loser like Yost. But since the Good Lord blessed me with the talent of being a habitual line stepper, I enjoy seeing how supposedly powerful politicians react to hostile questioning on camera.

I started respectfully enough. But when Yost told me he had done a pro-Issue 1 rally “a couple of days ago,” I asked the simple follow-up question, “Where was the rally?” And he turned from me and walked off.

Considering that Yost hasn’t even tweeted about Issue 1, I’m going to assume that he was lying about that rally because, unlike Secretary of State Frank LaRose, he’s not running for Senate and has no interest in tying his name to an issue that will most likely fail on Tuesday evening.

After disrespecting me like that, I decided to take off the gloves in a video that’s been viewed over 135,000 times on TikTok and Twitter:

@rooster_ohioSaw Ohio Republican Dave Yost while eating at Lexi’s On Third. Couldn’t waste a chance to bust him up on Broad Street about him traumatizing a 10-year-old rape victim and his anti-abortion politics. #columbusohio #ohiopolitics #ohiorepublicans #ohioabortionbans #abortionrights #ohiodemocrats #daveyost #ohiomaga #ohiocheck #issue1ohio #republicans #democrats #ohiostategovernment #ohiogovernment #abortionisessentialhealthcare #columbusohio #columbusohioprotest

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There are many avenues upon which I could have hit Yost. Like that time when, as Ohio State Auditor, he gave an accounting award to ECOT, the largest charter school swindle in state history that cooked the books on enrollment to steal more than $200 million from public coffers before closing when state investigators caught wind of the scam.

Or most recently, when Yost became one of 18 state attorneys general seeking private medical information to investigate whether citizens crossed state lines in pursuit of abortion or gender-affirming care, the latter of which is not yet criminalized in Ohio.

But knowing I only had a couple of minutes before Yost ducked into the safety of his downtown office building, I decided to bust him up about that time he did a national press tour claiming that the story of a 10-year-old rape victim traveling to Indiana for an abortion in the immediate aftermath of the Supreme Court throwing Roe vs. Wade in the trashcan was fabricated by internet leftists to make holy politicians like Yost look bad.

From Jared Goffinet in July 2022:

CINCINNATI (WXIX) - Ohio Attorney General Dave Yost says there is “not a whisper” of evidence to backup a story that claims a 10-year-old Ohio girl who became pregnant after she was raped had to go to Indiana to get an abortion following the Supreme Court’s decision to overturn Roe v. Wade.

Yost appeared on FOX News’ “Jesse Watters Primetime” Monday to discuss the story that captured national headlines and was mentioned by President Joe Biden during an executive order signing on abortion access.

[…]

Attorney General Yost explained to Watters on Monday that a case like the one reported by the IndyStar would have launched an immediate investigation.

Yost said, “There is no case request for analysis that looks anything like this.”

Watters asked Yost if it is against the law in Ohio for a doctor, like the one referenced by the IndyStar, not to report a child rape case to police.

The Ohio attorney general says yes, that would be against the law, and the Ohio doctor would be prosecuted for not reporting the rape.

I wasn’t shocked when the Attorney General who let the largest bribery scheme in state history become law under his watchful eye turned out to be full of shit.

Because everything about that case turned out to be true. Six months later, Yost blamed the pain he had created on “what others heard” him say.

From the Associated Press in December 2022:

“But as I’m looking back here with some distance, I realize that what I said was not what people heard, and what people heard created a lot of pain — and I regret that deeply,” Yost said Wednesday. “Now, I’m delighted that that guy is in the dock and her rapist looks like he’s headed for a well-deserved life sentence in prison, where he belongs. But I’ve got nothing in my heart but compassion and grief for what that little girl went through.”

Weird how it took Yost being exposed as a clown on a national stage for him to conjure any “compassion and grief” for a 10-year-old rape victim. But that compassion and grief end with her and not for the inevitable next childhood rape victims as Yost and his political allies seek the abortion ban that sent that original 10-year-old to Indiana in search of a routine medical procedure.

To this line of questioning, Yost fell back on what I’ve learned is a time-tested political trick while being questioned on camera: Just say, “No, you’re wrong about that.” And when the questioner inevitably asks, what, exactly, is wrong? They say something patronizing like what Yost said: “I’m not going to do your homework for you."

And that’s when I decided to play the nuclear option. That for all his anti-abortion zealotry that he will undoubtedly try to harness when he runs for governor in 2026, he couldn't stop his son from marrying a two-time baby-killer.

They both posted about their views on the same day that Yost boasted about the so-called Heartbeat Bill becoming law that would soon be shelved (for the time being) by a judge’s injunction:

To this, Yost, who was already walking like he was about to shit himself, could only offer the totally normal syntax that my questions were “constructed with so many fallacies that he couldn’t correct them” as if we were sitting in a Logic 101 class at The Ohio State University and not two hogs having some discourse while walking down the eight-lane monstrosity of a stroad that is Broad Street.

I realize that some people consider what I do “harassment.” But that would have been if I had only made fun of Yost for not moisturizing his face a day in his life and looking like somebody who had been dead for the last 10 years.

To me, there is nothing disrespectful about asking fact-based questions of elected representatives. It’s their job they signed up to do! And yet, Yost couldn’t even answer a question about the location of his supposed Issue 1 rally before walking off like he was above it all. Like I am not his constituent because he doesn’t like me. If only I were that lucky.

And I understand that not everybody can bust up the Attorney General, which is why I feel I have a moral obligation. I also do it to show the people that, for all their supposed power, these guys are just dusty old dudes who don’t even have the intelligence to disarm a guy like me during a street interview.

What would I have done if Yost had just stood there and answered some of my questions? What would I have done if he had actually shown some empathy for the pain he caused?

I guess we’ll never know. Because after a career that has come with rigging every governmental lever of power in his political party’s favor, he has deluded himself into thinking that he is better than anyone walking the downtown streets of Columbus with him.

At least he learned how wrong he was about that fantastical notion for two and a half minutes on Wednesday afternoon during what was supposed to be a leisurely walk back to his taxpayer-funded office.

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