Derek Merrin thought Bill Seitz was dead. He thought wrong.
A lesson on the perils of disrespecting a seasoned sewer operator like current friend of the Patriots Caucus, State Rep. Bill Seitz (R-Cincinnati).
State Rep. Derek Merrin (R-Monclova Township) did that famous thing leaders do yesterday when he held another press conference to stress that he, not Speaker of the Ohio House Jason Stephens (R-Kitts Hill), was the leader of the Republican Caucus.
Sure, brother. Whatever you say!
It was a sad state of affairs for the Holy Roller clique, who 90 days ago were celebrating Merrin’s apparent coronation as the next Speaker of the Ohio House.
For some unknown reason yesterday, Merrin looked nervous while regurgitating his well-rehearsed talking points about freedom.
He must have forgotten to hit a few notes because, near the end, State Rep. Phil “Abu Ghraib” Plummer (R-Dayton) whispered one of them under his breath as a reminder.
The rather droll affair, which lays bare how juiceless Merrin’s clique is, can be viewed in its entirety here:
As you can probably deduce, The Rooster got the drop on Merrin’s little shindig. I’m sure he expected me to act like a chimpanzee and throw that picture in his face.
But I didn’t come to play hardball yesterday. I came to settle a score for my dear friend, State Rep. Bill Seitz (R-Cincinnati).
My question for Merrin comes at the 7:45 mark. I ask for a comment on his decision to boot Seitz and other former House leaders out of their offices four days before Christmas. Something The Rooster reported back on Jan. 5th:
Seitz is legendary for being a vindictive drunk—not always in that order. Kicking somebody out of their office days before Christmas is a dick-headed move that anybody can understand. It’s the perfect anecdote that distills Merrin to his essence: A petulant child who lashed out against adults and got relegated to the timeout corner in a humiliating fashion.
If you make that final fuck you move on a guy like Seitz, you better be damned sure he doesn’t have a pulse. Otherwise, you’ll end up like one of those bozos that can’t last 30 minutes in a straight-to-Netflix horror movie.
That’s precisely what happened to Merrin. When I asked him about it, he tried to brush me off as not real media. Then he said he’d talk to me afterward because this press conference was “about the Republican agenda.”
I don’t subscribe to the school of thought that politicians get to set the agenda for press conferences. Media outlets are doing them a favor by even printing their joker-ass names in the first place.
But I wasn’t there to cause a scene. I waited out the rest of the conference and caught him afterward for an exclusive interview on his decision to boot Seitz out of his office before Christmas.
This was all straight Charlie Brown loser talk from Merrin. He can’t help but talk in nerd political language about votes when asked simple questions about simple events that even novice political observers can understand.
Merrin admits asking Seitz and others to “transition” out of the offices before Christmas. That’s because, in typical Merrin fashion, he thought the move was screwing over somebody other than the staffers who would do the actual labor of the move.
That was why Seitz and company took so much offense to the act. Merrin was screwing over their people in a message to send a message meant for them.
Two months after the fact, knowing his enemies played a role in sending him the humbling of a lifetime, Merrin still can’t take ownership of the decision. He tries to pass the “we” off to his faithful toadie, State Rep. Ron Ferguson, who continued the fable that kicking Seitz out of his office four days before Christmas was the specific tactic to which most of the House Caucus agreed.
No, the decision to evict Seitz before Christmas was a special fuck you from the crew that made the mistake of thinking they were the new power in town.
Merrin, legendary for his vindictiveness, couldn’t help himself. Winning a hotly contested Speakership battle at age 36 wasn’t enough for him. This is the guy who once tried to make it easier for his landlord colleagues to evict tenants during Christmas. Merrin’s DNA dictated he had to spike the football on the one person who was even more vindictive.
You can see what has happened since. Merrin is relegated to the backbench while Seitz is once again in House leadership.
I caught State Rep. Seitz outside the Statehouse while walking back to my bike. He was in his usual spot—outside under the building’s overhang, blazing a cigarette.
“Mr. Seitz!” I yelled to my old friend. “You’re never going to believe what this guy Merrin was saying about you. He’s still acting like he’s in charge!”
Seitz smirked. “It’s like I’ve been saying,” he said, “I could call myself, ‘The King of England.’ That doesn’t necessarily make me the King of England.”
Wise words from a seasoned sewer operator. Will Merrin take them to heart? Absolutely not. But we can save those lessons for his next foolish press conference now that he has shown he respects my reporting enough to answer tough questions on the record.
The Rooster appreciates State Rep. Merrin for being generous with his time. State Rep. Ferguson… not so much.
Absolute clown show from top to bottom.
You can't kill the liquor. Seitz IS the liquor.