Feb. 19: All Ohio State Games Should Kick Off at Noon

Columbus traffic as bad as you imagine, urban Republicans complain the fix is in, and more.

I made a living for four years typing takes that made Ohio State fans mad online. So imagine my disbelief yesterday when a take from my former workspace triggered me into getting mad.

But that’s what happened when an article advocated moving The Game under the lights.

From David Regimbal of elevenwarriors.com:

Giving Ohio State and Michigan the nooner treatment feels so inherently anti-climatic. By nature, the Buckeyes - Wolverines matchup is a crescendo, with the preceding 11 games serving as a tantalizing buildup.

Imagine if Led Zeppelin wrote Stairway to Heaven as a three-minute, acoustic-guitar only lullaby. That's basically what the Ohio State and Michigan administrations do to us. They rewrite Stairway to Heaven as a lullaby every single year.

The 2006 game between the Buckeyes and Wolverines was so immaculately perfect. It was No. 1 vs. No. 2, and it finished under the lights thanks to a 3:30 kickoff. That game kicked so much ass because the networks fought to put the best rivalry in college football on the stage it deserved. 

Back in the day I used to think every Ohio State game should kick off at 8 p.m. Then I covered primetime games and had to stay up until 3 a.m posting about the Buckeyes’ victory over Rutgers.

I once spent a weekend in jail after a game against UCF that kicked off at noon. I’d probably be wearing a black bag over my head in Guantanamo Bay for 23 hours a day if that game was against Michigan and kicked off at 8 p.m.

Not to mention, players prefer noon kickoffs. It allows them to kick the shit out of Michigan, eat dinner with their families, and then go do whatever it is Ohio State students do after their football team dismembers Michigan on national television.

The only loss is to TV executives. And the day I give a damn about them or their ratings is the day I retire from posting about Buckeye football. Any writer stanning for TV executives belongs in prison for being a boot-licking class traitor.

I’ve never had “a real job,” yet my class solidarity is so strong that I’ve said America needs a statue for the patriot workers that endure rush hour every day.

The Rooster Newsletter salutes the workers that endure Columbus’ rush hour every day. And no, your mind doesn’t deceive you—traffic is getting worse.

From Rick Rouan of dispatch.com:

Whether it’s because of too much rain, too much snow, too many orange barrels or too many potholes, one thing seems certain: Columbus drivers are spending more time stuck in traffic jams.

They lost an average of 71 hours stuck in rush-hour congestion last year, and the Interstate 70/71 interchange Downtown is among the 100 worst bottlenecks in the country, according to two new reports.

Sure, it’s not as bad here as it is in Boston, Chicago and New York, but Columbus’ delays are the equivalent of almost two workweeks spent honking, cursing and (ahem) gesturing at fellow commuters.

Although traffic flow is getting better in some of the largest metropolitan areas in the country, it has gotten worse in Columbus. Time lost to traffic congestion in Columbus increased 6 percent between 2017 and 2018, according to a report from Inrix Research.

Mass transit is the answer to the woes. Instead Columbus Democrats will expand highways and pat themselves on the back while pretending they did something.

Here’s a story you don’t see every day: Ohio Republicans complaining about elections being rigged against them. Such is the case for Columbus Republicans, who saw their meager holdings eliminated this past election cycle by our orange president’s racist administrative policies.

Their only course of reprieve is whining to local media.

From Nick Evans of wosu.org:

Ohio Republicans did well in last year’s elections, notching victories in each statewide race except Sen. Sherrod Brown’s U.S. Senate seat and two Ohio Supreme Court seats. They also maintained a tight grip on the state’s congressional delegation as well both chambers of the General Assembly.

But while the picture seems great from 30,000 feet, it looks a bit different in Franklin County. Democrats flipped three of four GOP-controlled state House seats, a state Senate seat and the county auditor post.

Doug Priesse, who heads up the Franklin County Republican Party, admits the party’s fortunes have shifted in recent years.

“The Franklin County of 30-40 years ago, which was a Republican base county, is now a Democratic base county,” Priesse says. “But that doesn’t mean we don’t compete, and fight where we can be victorious. We do do that, and we’re proud of the record.”

…

Priesse argues the city’s system is rigged. Instead, his party will focus on the suburbs.

“That’s where we can make a difference,” he explains. “We’re not going to frankly waste resources and time and effort where the outcome is pre-ordained.”

Priesse argues the city’s at-large election system—in which City Council seats are selected by the entire city, rather than by wards—and token campaign contribution limits stack the deck against the GOP

Elite Republicans love nothing more than whining about the decay wrought by liberals in America while living in cities dominated by liberals.

I’d feel more sympathetic if their party didn’t gerrymander the state to ensure their party could win statewide no matter the national mood. If Columbus Republicans really feel salty about being disfranchised, they’re welcome to move to any other part of the state that isn’t Columbus, Cincinnati, or Cleveland. The GOP’s disconnect with urban voters is on them to figure out.

I ate at Fuzzy’s Tacos a couple weeks ago and was perturbed to learn I had exposed myself to Hepatitis A.

Unfortunately it wasn’t a one-off exposure. The disease is sweeping our great state.

From wlwt.com:

The Ohio Department of Health is urging people considered at high risk for hepatitis A to consider vaccination as cases increase in Ohio.

ODH has declared a statewide community outbreak of hepatitis A after investigating an increased number of cases in Ohio.

ODH issued the alert after observing an increase in cases linked to certain risk factors since the beginning of 2018.

The Greater Cincinnati area is leading the state in the number of confirmed hepatitis cases. A total of 68 counties have confirmed cases, and five people have died already this year.

Outbreaks of hepatitis A are taking place in several states across the U.S., including neighboring states of Indiana, Kentucky, Michigan and West Virginia.

It’s cool to see local news admit 68 counties have confirmed cases of Hepatitis without noting THERE ARE 88 COUNTIES IN OHIO.

Teacher strikes have earned attention in national media outlets. Unfortunately, Ohio doesn’t appear to have that swagger.

Despite the lack of publicity, Wright State professors earned a larger slice of the cake through collective action and Parma charter school teachers are following in their footsteps.

From Patrick O’Donnell of cleveland.com:

PARMA, Ohio – Teachers at Summit Academy in Parma, a school mainly serving students with learning or behavioral disabilities, plan to go on strike Tuesday morning, saying management is shortchanging students by having too few teachers and aides.

The strike would be a rarity for charter schools, whose teachers have just started joining unions in Ohio in the last few years. It would reportedly be just the third charter school strike ever in the nation, with both previous ones occurring in Chicago. The latest charter school strike there just ended today.

Christine Kindel, a high school English teacher and member of the teachers’ negotiating team, said the small school of 200 students is not meeting class size and staffing claims on its website.

“We don’t feel like we’re providing the education our kids deserve,” she said.

Prediction: Parma Academy teaches will use collective action to increase their share of the pie. Hopefully other Ohio teachers are paying attention to the lesson.

Columbus is a booming city. Unfortunately its leaders are content with pushing poor people out of the equation. The latest example is with parking rules in the Short North that take effect today.

From Rick Rouan of dispatch.com:

Columbus will start writing tickets Tuesday for drivers who violate new parking rules for the Short North and surrounding neighborhoods.

The new regulations took effect Jan. 22, but the city gave residents, businesses, workers and visitors a monthlong grace period to obtain permits and learn the new rules.

That grace period ended Monday. Parking enforcement officers will start writing tickets Tuesday morning.

Under the new rules, there is no more free on-street parking in the Short North, Italian Village and Victorian Village. Residents and businesses are eligible to buy permits, and anyone who parks in the those neighborhoods can pay to park either by paying a meter or using a smartphone app.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: This crisis could be averted if folks were willing to park on or east of 4th Street and walk two blocks to the Short North District.

Instead we get an idea that pushes poor people out of the arena, which is what the Short North Elite had planned all along. Fuck ‘em.

The mayor of Highland Heights (Cleveland area) makes $27,000 a year. Apparently that wasn’t enough to stop him from embezzling from a Congressional campaign.

From Sabrina Eaton of cleveland.com:

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Highland Heights Mayor Scott Coleman is expected to resign his government post after U.S. Rep. Dave Joyce’s congressional campaign told the Federal Election Commission it believes Coleman embezzled tens of thousands of dollars from its coffers while serving as Joyce’s campaign treasurer.

Highland Heights council members said they were surprised to learn of the claims against Coleman, an accountant who has served as the city’s mayor since 2004.

They said they had no reason to suspect Coleman mishandled city funds. But they plan to order an audit of his spending in light of cleveland.com’s Friday report that Coleman is accused of using the Bainbridge Township Republican’s campaign ATM card to make more than $80,000 in unauthorized withdrawals over three years, and took cash back when depositing Joyce’s campaign checks.

Coleman did not return phone calls and emails requesting comment on the allegations. Geauga County prosecutor James R. Flaiz confirmed his office is investigating money missing from Joyce’s campaign and is focused on one suspect, but said his office couldn’t comment further “since it is an ongoing investigation.”

Newsflash to Ohio: Your government is corrupt on a state and local level.

What are you going to do about it?

THOSE WMDs. The Vatican’s secret rules for priests who father children… One hundred years ago, Eugene Debs knew everything about today… The town where residents live alongside polar bears… Stuck in an elevator for 40 hours… Ohio State falsely sends “active attacker” alert.