Gem City Outshines Racism
Trade war hurts fireworks company in Youngstown, Columbus finally has a mass transit proposal, and more.
I’m unlocking this post due to Memorial Day. There are no days off when you’re an entrepreneur with a billionaire’s mindset.
If you’re too hungover from honoring the fallen troops to keep honoring the fallen troops, feel free to throw your support behind my and Tom Hanks’ beloved soccer club, Aston Villa, in its quest to earn promotion to the Premier League against something called Derby County at 9:55 a.m. on ESPN+.
Yes, I subscribed to ESPN+ to watch the game. I’m tired of listening to illegal streams in languages I’m not smart enough to understand. Somebody please remind me to cancel as soon as the game ends because I’m not trying to pay $4.99 a month in the heart of baseball season.
ANTI-RACISTS SMASH KLAN IN GEM CITY AS CITY GOVERNMENT SPENDS $650,000 TO PROTECT NINE OUT-OF-STATE FASCISTS
[Zoom in on the sign in the back for a surprise.]
A cabal of racist nerds from Indiana calling themselves the Ku Klux Klan arose on Memorial Saturday, covered their faces, grabbed their pistols, and drove into Dayton, Ohio to showcase the thoroughbred DNA of the master race:
The Führer was no doubt smiling up in pride.
But Dayton is called the Gem City for a reason, and even the #brands dunked on the racist carpetbaggers by placing a witty, easily shareable sandwich board outside their respective establishments.
The City of Dayton fenced off blocks of Capitol Square and put 45 feet, two fences and a cordon of cops between the exotic animals and a menagerie of counter-protestors telling them to fuck back to the sewer.
Here’s what the master race looked like from the best possible vantage point on the other side of the plaza from where the counter-protestors didn’t have a direct line of sight:
The cops, pulled from every region in the state, got to don their big boy clothes and stand around looking tough while fantasizing about the lie they’d tell to justify their heroic shooting of an unruly Antifa super-soldier:
Given cop salaries that went into security that included snipers on rooftops and undercovers to monitor derelicts like peaceful protestors…
… I estimated the protection bill at $1 million. The show of overwhelming force cost less than that.
From Alejandro de la Garza of time.com:
Local officials estimate that the city incurred $650,000 in expenses due to the KKK rally. That cost included assembling more than 350 police officers in order to keep the peace, as well as barriers and other materials used to keep the nine KKK-affiliated demonstrators separated from the protestors.
Whaley adds that cost of securing the rally was compounded by the fact that Ohio allows the open-carry of weapons, which exacerbated safety concerns for police and local officials.
“The number of assault rifles was troubling to me,” Whaley says. “This place we live in now [is] where we have to really prepare for really bad scenarios, and that’s really expensive.”
…
Whaley says that Dayton is in talks with Ohio Sen. Sherrod Brown’s office to help recoup some of Saturday’s costs.
Yes, in a group that included antifascist furries (possible Beto O’Rourke sighting???), right-wing Church of God (Restoration) cultists, socialists, the occasional communist, New Black Panthers, sousaphone afficiandos, anime watchers, Black Israelites, West Wing watchers, retired hippies, and other concerned citizens.
And yes, among the broad coalition, the occasional minority exercised their right to openly carry death machines in public—a scene that has traditionally terrified White liberals throughout America’s history:
[The Huey P. Newton Gun Club]
I saw estimates of 500 counter-protestors, which, lol. Over 1,000 souls attended that event that featured an entirely peaceful two-hour main event.
That reportedly changed soon thereafter when the racists took off their masks and attempted to dine in public (Applebee’s, no doubt) as if they hadn’t just advocated for White supremacy in the downtown of a mid-sized minority-majority city:
If you’re going to spend Memorial Day in jail (happens to the best of us), there are less patriotic reasons than punching a wannabe Nazi in the face at an Applebee’s.
Fox News will inevitably get ahold of this and Tucker Carlson will spend the next two weeks clucking about how a racist being served a knuckle desert is a direct attack on conservative Christians in America, but I can’t wait to see how the cops inflated the charges to make sure the protagonists spent the weekend in jail.
PRESIDENT DEALS’ TRADE WAR THREATENS ANOTHER MAHONING VALLEY INSTITUTION, COULD DAMPEN CHINESE INFLUENCE ON AMERICAN HOLIDAY
Fourth of July is a day Americans like to celebrate their country by setting loosely regulated fireworks on fire to impress drunk family members and friends.
Our right to maim ourself for viral infamy is under attack from President Business Deals’ business deals.
From Taylor Telford of washingtonpost.com:
The escalating trade clash between the United States and China has sent thousands of U.S. companies scrambling to determine whether they could source goods from other countries to escape higher tariffs. But when President Trump threatened to tag large penalties on $300 billion in Chinese imports earlier this month, a sense of panic settled over the fireworks industry. It had nowhere else to go.
“It’s virtually impossible for our product to be made anywhere else but in China,” said Bruce Zoldan, the chief executive of Phantom Fireworks in Youngstown, Ohio. “If these tariffs happen, it’ll be the greatest threat to our industry.”
Zoldan met with White House officials on Wednesday to press his case, and he is working on a formal request to be delivered next month that he hopes would exempt the fireworks industry from the penalties. A final decision by the White House could come in late June, in the midst of the fireworks industry’s busiest period.
Gotta hand it to our president as he’ll once again get a chance to take credit for solving a problem his galaxy brain created. His lizard brain knows not having cheap explosives at hand for America’s birthday banger is an easy way to radicalize thousands of non-political against him. I’ll be shocked if the industry doesn’t get a waiver in time for the holiday.
COLUMBUS NEEDS MASS TRANSIT NOW
2020 could be a pivotal election for Columbus, and I ain’t talking presidential.
The Ohio Supreme Court race, Franklin County prosecutor (the most powerful county prosecutor in the state), and possibly a chance to shed the city’s transitphobia.
From Rick Rouan of dispatch.com:
TransitColumbus calls for a 2020 ballot measure to pay for construction and operations of high-capacity transit while also creating “a more fast, frequent and reliable service network.” The independent advocacy group lists the tax proposal among its most pressing ideas in a new policy agenda released last week.
…
[TransitColumbus chairman Josh] Lapp said the group envisions the ballot measure taking the form of an increase in the sales tax, which is how the Central Ohio Transit Authority is funded. The authority has two 0.25% sales tax levies — one permanent, and one that voters must regularly reauthorize — that generated $131 million in 2018.
…
TransitColumbus is trying to capitalize on renewed energy around mass transit that stems in part from an Insight2050 study that examined five corridors for high-capacity transit and denser development. The group has zeroed in on the West Broad Street and East Main Street corridors as priorities for light rail and bus rapid transit.
“I believe we will need to go to the people with a bold plan for COTA and mass transit; the Insight 2050 data can’t be read any other way,” council President Shannon G. Hardin said in an email. “Winning at the ballot takes heavy lifting and planning, and it is too early to say when that work will be done.”
COTA should come aboard once it’s clear the city won’t seek some tech guru to install a robot regime; any transit investment should feature as many unionized jobs as possible.
The bare-bones investment in mass transit is embarrassing for a city as progressive as city government would have us believe. The current structure speaks to the city’s long relationship with Big Oil (Vice President Mike Pence addressed the Oil and Gas Association summit at the Hilton Columbus back in March) and Big Real Estate.
Any viable rail proposal would need to include high-density up-zoning around pickup spots, and that might not fit the money-making agenda of the real estate developers who fund the Franklin County’s Democratic machine. In a perfect world, a progressive politician would say the work will begin immediately when presented with a necessary upgrade to secure a more equitable future for Columbus.
SHOCKING: ANTI-ABORTION NUTCASE HAS MYRIAD OF SEX ISSUES, NEEDS THERAPIST STAT
Ohio Rep. John Becker, last seen citing a 102-year-old scientific study in his latest attempt to regulate women’s reproductive rights, is so pro-Life he’s bragging on Facebook about his willingness to obliterate the body of a born baby that grew into his daughter’s fiancé.
“Oh, it’s just a joke!” would probably be his response. But it’s not a joke when I say he’ll probably go to his grave wondering why he never got to see his grandkids.
START THE BIDDING
Big-time college coaches are wealthy, soulless mercenaries who are only popular if they win. Urban Meyer was my team’s hired killer, and it worked out well until he refused to fire a problematic men’s rights activist.
So onto the next one. But I relish the reaction of Buckeye fans who won’t realize Urban was never their friend until he gets tired of lecturing business bros and lacrosse captains and takes another ransom from another kingdom in the need of a man with his talents.
It gets more obvious with every passing day, and he hasn’t yet had to socialize with donors in a Horseshoe suite while Justin Fields throws bombs.
From Bill Rabinowitz of buckeyextra.com:
“I am good with it,” Meyer said of his professional transition, “but it’s still a process.”
Yes, he misses his players. He misses the daily interaction with his coaching staff. In the fall, he’ll no doubt miss the sustained adrenaline rush that comes with game-planning and Saturdays.
…
Did Meyer have any interest in nipping that in the bud or in opening the crack to the door?
“I learned my lesson long ago,” he said. “All I’m going to say is I believe I’m done (coaching). I think I’m done.”
Apropos of nothing: Ohio State plays Notre Dame in 2022 and 2023.
THOSE WMDs. The city that’s giving people money… Mississippi lawmaker accused of punching wife issues joint statement with her, refuses to apologize… The greatest hits of a fictional artist… Real pastor holds church in VR, baptizes anime girl… Blame wealthy liberals for America’s unlivable cities… How to actually delete your social media accounts… Democrats have forgotten how playground bullying works.