How to Travel to Cuba as un Americano
It's much easier than the reactionary losers in our government want you to think.
I’ve had a lifelong fascination with Cuba, which, along with the failures of every major American institution in my adult life, explains my radicalization from idiot liberal to idiot progressive to full-fledged Communist who believes every level of our government should be liquidated at the earliest opportunity.
That isn’t to say Cuba is a utopia. It isn’t. It has its problems like every other country in the world. It has rich and poor, like every other country in the world.
None of this should stop you from visiting Cuba, a remarkable island nation with the population that of Ohio.
Yes, it’s like stepping into the 1950s. That’s because the island has been forced to survive a 62-year embargo from the most powerful country in the world. An embargo that only the United States and Israel support at the United Nations, by the way.
Maybe one day we won’t have idiots in high level positions who think sanctions hurt anyone other than the most vulnerable citizens in a nation:
Even if you believe every word of American propaganda about the Cuban government, you should still go visit and help the people most affected by our government’s genocidal policies.
Traveling to Cuba
Joe Biden has done three good things in his presidency: Made the National Labor Relations Board respectable for the first time in my life, appointed Judge Kentaji Brown Jackson to the Supreme Court, and reversed Trump-era restrictions on travel to Cuba.
Under Trump, you could travel directly to Cuba from the United States, but you could only fly or cruise into Havana.
Under Biden, you are free to land anywhere you want. From Columbus, you can fly to Havana through Fort Lauderdale or Orlando via Southwest Airlines and have a mojito in your hand seven hours after leaving your house.
If you bide your time and pick your sports like traveling during the midweek, you can travel to Cuba and back for around $400.
The Visa Process
After you acquire your ticket, you should purchase your visa from the Cuban government before your flight. You might be thinking, oh my God, what must the process of acquiring a visa from a Communist country entail?
The answer is you go to a website, type in your travel information, pay $85 per person, and receive your visas in the mail a couple days later.
You can also purchase it during your layover directly from your airline, but you’ll have to wait in a tedious line during your layover with other slackers who didn’t buy it beforehand and pay a higher price.
When you get to the category selection of your visa — the U.S. government only gives us 12 reasons why residents of the land of the free can travel to Cuba — the official advice of The Rooster is to select, “Support of the Cuban people.”
If it sounds vague, it’s intentional. Technically, Americans can’t be tourists in Cuba. But we can sit on a beach and support the Cuban people who sold us the umbrella, a bottle rum and crab legs.
To support my mission, I took a bag of basic supplies like over-the-counter medication, toiletries, and school supplies. I dropped it off at the first church I came across.
I also had a little sheet I translated on Google that stated my name, passport number, travel dates, lodging, and itinerary.
The paper stated I planned to visit the Revolutionary museum, the Revolutionary plaza, the Bay of Pigs, the Cuban missile crisis monument and take a four-hour bike tour of Havana. I did all of that, too.
The Rooster itinerary might seem weird to you. But I respect the Cuban revolution and its defense against CIA hobgoblins much more than I respect America’s.
Was Fidel Castro a god? No. But he defeated an American-backed dictator, the mob, and turned national industries over to the workers. Then he survived 600+ assassination attempts.
That makes Castro cooler than any American president in history—yes, even Warren G. Harding. You may not like it, but you must respect it.
The truth is you can do whatever you want on your trip as soon as you past immigration at the airport. The itinerary is to satisfy the frosty relationship between the two governments.
Advance Information Form
I did months of research into traveling to Cuba, and nobody told me about the Advance Information Form.
It’s a form that’s controlled by the Cuban government. When you complete it, it gives you a QR code to be used by your airline at check-in.
The form is basic traveler information. You can fill it out beforehand on this website. It takes about two minutes.
The snag I hit was the final page on the form of declarations. It was giving me an error message so many times the Southwest ladies let me come behind the counter and try it on our computer.
The thought crossed my mind that this was God’s final hurdle to keep me from Havana.
But thankfully my father imbued a desperate sense in me to arrive at the airport three hours before takeoff because you never know what can happen.
The secret was, on the last screen, leave it blank unless you’re carrying thousands of dollars in merchandise into Cuba. If you’re doing that, then declared items need to match the monetary amount you claim to be bringing to the island.
Shoutout to Cheryl from Southwest who ultimately figured out that hack.
Things to know before traveling to Cuba
Currency can be a problem!
The No. 1 thing you need to know as an American is that you need to bring all the cash required for your trip. You will not even be able to check any financial apps without a VPN.
How much money do you need? A lot if you plan to stay in the tourist traps like Old Havana. But if you’re willing to travel outside of the tourist traps and into the local areas, your trip can be tailored meet almost any daily budget.
You don’t have to convert your currency to Cuban pesos, either. The best currency to take down there is the Euro, but the U.S. dollar is gladly accepted due to the volatility of the peso.
The catch is you can save 30%-60% by converting your money and paying your on-the-ground expenses in pesos.
Under no circumstances, however, do you exchange your Euros or dollars at the airport or an official bank.
The government will give you 24 pesos for one dollar. But if you wait until you get to your lodging, your host will gladly exchange it for anywhere from 90 to 110 pesos. But you should hold out for 110. That can be accomplished by saying “no gracias” to any offer below that.
If financial calamity strikes and you run out of money… you’re in a pickle but you’ll be able to solve it because you read The Rooster.
You will need a friend in America to send a Cash App, Zelle, or Venmo payment to a Cuban bank account and have them convert that to pesos.
You will not get the best black market rate in that exchange, but it’s better than being in Cuba with no money. Trust your host for the Cuban bank info in that situation. You have no other choice.
If you don’t want to deal with that scenario, then figure out your daily expenditures and bring one to two days extra with you.
Lodging
If you want to support the Cuban government financially, the best place to do that is at one of the big hotels and or an all-expenses-paid resort.
What’s ironic is the Americans who claim to hate the Cuban government are the most likely to stay at those kinds of places.
Again, if you want to be Johnny Big Shot and stay at a fancy hotel in a touristy area, go right ahead. Cuba is a free country.
I paid $20 a night to stay in Central Havana at Cuatro de Tula, a guest house that served the best food I had on the entire trip. It came with a private bathroom, a bed, a lockbox, and an air conditioning unit that kept the room at a comfortable 16 Celsius.
Why pay for anything more than that? For similar options, check hostelworld.com where everything comes with pictures, maps and user reviews.
The most authentic and cheapest lodgings, however, are called “casa de particulars,” which is Spanish for a room rented out by a local family that will often serve you a free breakfast.
They also make trustworthy hosts that will exchange money and give you the best local options around their city.
Luggage
Pack as light as possible. Don’t check baggage and don’t bring anything you wouldn’t be okay losing on the street. That means leave the the jewelry, laptop, and designer clothes at home. The Cubans will already know you’re a foreigner.
I did buy a money belt to hold my passport and currency so I could keep a minimal amount in my wallet when traveling outside of my lodging. Pickpocketing is no longer a problem at that point.
Navigation
Despite what your phone company will tell you, data service for Americans is non-existent outside of wifi.
Make sure to download Maps.Me and its offline Cuba file. That will allow you to navigate a foreign city while your phone is offline. I imagine it’s a lot like the pioneers felt when the used a compass to navigate the American frontier under the moonlight.
Language Barrier
You won’t find many English-speaking Cubans outside of the touristy areas. If you don’t speak Spanish, then Google Translate is your best friend. You can translate via microphone rather than typing sentences and exchanging the phone back and forth with your partner.
Make sure to download the offline files of English and Spanish for the best results.
Travel insurance.
I read that this was required to enter Cuba. Was never asked about it upon arrival, though the peace of mind for $11 was worth it.
The only COVID restriction is a temperature check upon arrival and departure in Cuba.
You do not need to prove vaccination status or provide a recent negative test in either Cuba or America.
Don’t take pictures of the security forces.
They are easily identifiable by their maroon berets.
Bottled water is easy to find.
Cuba is like Mexico in that the tap water is fine for showering and brushing your teeth. But it can lead to some problems if you’re pounding glasses of ice water like you have the stomach for it.
Thankfully, bottled water is never hard to find whether in the city or on the beach.
Arrival to Cuba and Things To Keep in Mind on The Ground
Arrival
Your first view if you fly into La Habana will be José Martí International Airport. It’s smaller than you’re expecting which is a good thing since it means means less of chance of your flight getting fucked over. You can de-board from the front and the back of the plane, too.
After that, you get ushered into a room where government officials will be sitting behind three to four tables. There is no line. You and your fellow passengers just bum rush the tables and the officials pick you from the scrum.
I was pulled from the scrum by an airport official who didn’t speak English. This is where the aforementioned translated printed paper with my information, lodging and itinerary came into play. It was everything she wanted to know and I was promptly whisked to the front of the visa stamping line.
From there it’s a matter of getting your picture taken, getting your visa and passport stamped, and putting your bags through an x-ray machine. Then it’s a 20 minute taxi ride into the heart of the city.
Which brings me to my next point:
Negotiate with your cab driver before you get into the cab.
I was told this before I went and it’s true.
It doesn’t matter if you want to be Johnny Big Shot and take a classic 1950s car into town or be cheap and take what’s called a “collectivo” (collective taxi):
Know your rate before you get into the car.
What would you pay in America for a 20-minute cab ride? Don’t pay more than that in Cuba. But remember: Tip your drivers and other service workers more than you would in America. It’s the best way to support the Cuban people, which is why they let you into their beautiful country in the first place.
Trust your host the most.
You probably don’t have friends or family in Cuba.
If you’re traveling as a foreigner, the person you can trust most on your journey are those that already have a financial stake in your well-being.
The two hosts at my guesthouse converted my money, arranged transportation to the sites I wanted to see, and even took me to the homes of their family where we dined on traditional Cuban fare like lifelong kin. You are cheating yourself if you stick to the tourist areas.
Trust your hosts’ network. Beyond that, trust the tour guides to the activities you booked before you came to the island.
Beware the Hustlers.
You will inevitably be approached by your street hustler who sees you as a piggybank.
They’ll offer (counterfeit) cigars or to take you to a local spot where they’ll get a commission for the exorbitant price they’ll charge you.
They’ll also offer you drugs or access to sex workers which are two great ways to draw attention of police.
The best way to handle the hustlers are the same way in America. Keep your feet moving and say, “No gracias, no gracias.”
That’s it. That’s all you have to do.
How to Spend Your Time in Cuba (From One Cracker’s Perspective)
This part is entirely based on my perspective of visiting Havana for a weekend. This is by no means a comprehensive list of things you should do.
Explore your surroundings beyond the waypoints you read about on the internet.
My favorite thing to do when traveling is walking around the city and taking note of all the characters that you won’t see anywhere else. There are people on the streets in Havana at all hours of the day, making do with the material conditions dictated to them by the Cold War crypt-keepers of America’s federal governent.
You will see people of all shapes, colors and sizes. “Cubans treat the street as television,” my host told me. “There is always entertainment in the street.” Best advice I received.
When traversing the streets, the biggest threat to your safety is—you guessed it!—motor vehicles. Cuban drivers will honk at you but they will not stop.
Make sure you have your wits about you before stepping from sidewalk to street. If in doubt, wait for a local to make the first move.
Make friends with the locals and the foreigners.
Don’t be some asshole just passing through. Take any chance you can get to converse with Cubans. They will treat you like family because they take pride in their country.
There will also be people from all over the world in your general vicinity. Talk to them, too.
That’s the real reason our government doesn’t want you going down there: They don’t want you to have international solidarity with people they’re trying to actively genocide and the foreigners who support them.
Enjoy the food.
I had been told the beef in Cuba was to be avoided. I’m glad I didn’t listen to that advice because it would have been a top-three mistake of my life.
The seafood, vegetables and fruit go without needing my endorsement.
Again, it comes down to what kind of lifestyle you want to live. Go be Johnny Big Shot if you want. Or you can walk around the corner from any touristy area and pay 30 cents on the dollar for the same quality of food.
The choice is yours.
Enjoy the history.
Say what you want about the Communist regime. That period in time comprises roughly 1.5% of Cuba’s history. If you can’t find something of historical interest to you on the island, you might have a terminal case of Cold War Brain.
Hit the beach at least for one afternoon.
Once again, Americans can’t officially be tourists in Cuba. And you shouldn’t spend all your time at the beach, anyway.
But you should at least spend one afternoon there because the legends are true. All of them. There is no more beautiful sand, water and sky in the Western Hemisphere than in Cuba. Just 15 minutes outside of Havana
Your Return to America
Arrive to Havana airport three hours before takeoff. If you have any cash left, you can spend it in duty-free zone once you past immigration.
But know there is a 90% chance your bags will be searched when you return from Cuba. The key is don’t get greedy.
I got picked for a “random search” when I told the Customs agent I went to Cuba with sole mission of supporting its people.
The other agent asked if I had anything to declare before they ran my pockets. I said four cigars and a half pack of smokes. He said that’s illegal.
“Lucky day for you then,” I said. I dug into my bag and handed him the box of cigars.
He took the box and inspected it to make sure there was nothing other than four cigars. He then handed the box back to me. He then handed the box back to me.
Mind you—this is no legal advice because it’s what one Customs agent told one Communist in Tampa’s airport—but that man told me, “Everyone brings back cigars from Cuba.
“If you’re honest with us, we let you keep them.”
The government will also claim you need to keep every receipt from your trip for five years in case they have questions. Ask yourself how many times you’ve heard about Americans going to jail for that before you take it seriously
Things I Wanted to Do But Didn’t Have the Time or Money
Take a tour of a cigar factory and show the Cubans that we Ohioans know a thing or two about rolling blunts.
Spend a night at the world-famous Tropicana Club.
Venture to any other major city outside Havana. Trinidad and Veradero are at the top of my list.
Take a train from Havana to Santiago and visit Fidel Castro’s grave.
TL;DR
Do not under any circumstance listen to these losers in our government. Cuba is easy to visit. It’s safe and adjustable to any budget.
No matter your views of their government, you should go down there and see life in Cuba for yourself.
I promise you will return in one piece and have a deeper appreciation for what their people have accomplished.
THOSE WMDs. Murder spike in rural, red counties exposes media’s anti-reform double standard… When cities made monuments to traffic deaths… Joe Biden’s debt cancellation games… Everything we know about the 31 Patriot Front members that got arrested in a U-Haul… Easy no-knead bread.
hell yes, king shit