Jan. 13, 2019: Bet Big on the Browns, Baby!
Jan. 13, 2019: Bet Big on the Browns, Baby!
Ohio #teen owns dipshit anti-vaxxer parents, Parma teachers announce strike date, and more.
I have a working hypothesis that one easy way to lose weight is to stop drinking IPAs five nights a week and replace those drinks with glasses of filtered water. I’ve added exercise and clean-eating to the mix, so I’ll let you guys know of any breakthroughs on this underreported trend.
John Dorsey remains a cowardly piece of baby boomer scum, and it’s possible Kareem Hunt never plays a down for the Browns.
Unfortunately for sportsbooks, two clowns ain’t enough to derail the reckoning coming down the tracks.
Tom Brady is 48 and throws like he’s J.T. Barrett. Ben Roethlisberger isn’t much younger and is about to lose his best receiver. Andrew Luck’s throwing shoulder is basically an overcooked chicken wing left in a deep fryer overnight.
Pat Mahomes? OK, he’s a desperado, but he’s still coached by Andy Reid, who can’t even master a two-minute drill because he never played Madden in his youth.
NFL fans will likely laugh at anyone betting on the Browns to win the AFC. Those bums won’t be chuckling when a Browns fan faded off 30 Busch Lights lights a Chiefs fan on fire in the Dawg Pound to celebrate Baker Mayfield’s fifth touchdown pass of the night.
The Wright State strike — the longest strike in Ohio higher education history — is at an end.
From April Laissle of wosu.org:
Details of the deal have not yet been released, but in a statement Wright State President Cheryl Schrader said “both parties made substantial concessions to help move the university forward.”
Union President Marty Kich said faculty members will return to work Monday.
"I am sure all our members are glad to be going back to the classroom where we hope things will return to normal for our students as soon as possible," said Kich.
While both sides made concessions, it’d be hard not to classify this as a win for the union:
When the State Employee Relations Board ruled in favor of the union’s right to strike two weeks ago, I predicted the strike would end by the end of that week (wrong) and that it would propel other teachers unions to flex their muscle throughout the state (right).
Parma, stand up!
When I was running for Statehouse, I asked someone who would know why Ohio teachers didn’t take after their counterparts in West Virginia and Arizona and leverage collection action to increase their share of the pie?
“Too many Republicans in too many prominent union positions,” was the reply. Maybe Parma is the start of a movement in Ohio, a state that short-changes teachers to the point they have to hold fundraisers and/or spend their own money for work supplies.
Few bigger scumbags in America than anti-vaxxer parents who think their kid having autism would somehow be worse than them dying of polio.
One brave, unvaccinated #teen in Norfolk, Ohio, went to Reddit looking for advice on correcting his parents’ stupidity.
From cbsnews.com:
For most of his life, Lindenberger thought it was normal for most kids not to get immunized, but about two years ago he began to see how the posts about vaccines his own mother was sharing on social media were dangerous.
"I question her judgment, but not her care," he said. "You have something like measles, which is a preventable disease that we can vaccinate against that I and many people believe is coming back because of opinions like the ones that have influenced my mom."
In November, Lindenberger asked strangers on Reddit, an online message board, where he could go to get up to date with his shots. "My parents are kind of stupid," he wrote. "God knows how I'm still alive."
His mother, Jill Wheeler, said she was "blown away" when she found out.
The dad must’ve been like, “Listen, Karen, you’re the one who read a couple internet articles and wanted to expose our son to a menagerie of 19th-century diseases—you go on CBS and handle our shame alone. I’m not leaving this couch until I have to go to work tomorrow.”
Terrible, terrible story yesterday when an estranged ex-boyfriend abducted an OSU-Mansfield student on campus before (likely) shooting her in Kentucky.
From dispatch.com:
CRESTWOOD, Ky. (AP) — A female student from an Ohio State University campus and a man suspected of abducting her both died after a police chase and shooting, Kentucky State Police said Tuesday.
The chase began Monday afternoon in northern Kentucky as police responded to a call about a person in distress, authorities said in a news release.
Officers intervened when the vehicle exited a highway and stopped on a ramp in Oldham County, northeast of Louisville. Police said a trooper heard gunfire from the vehicle and returned fire. Both the woman and suspect were fatally shot.
Authorities said the trooper killed the suspect, 24-year-old Ty’rell Pounds. It is unclear who shot the woman, 20-year-old Skylar Williams.
Toxic masculinity is a ticking time-bomb in some men, and it’s a shame America stands ready to sell them weapons at a moment’s notice. RIP, Skylar.
Papa John couldn’t stop being racist so his own company canned his ass and the University of Louisville scrubbed his name from its football arena.
The Papa appeared at the LSU-Kentucky game last night draped in Wildcat gear, showing that rich assholes don’t have a loyal bone in their body to anyone or anything besides their own towering ego.
I try to live my life in a non-discriminatory fashion. However, I will gladly discriminate against you if you have a face tattoo. I might make an exception if you’re a rapper by listening to your music, but we will never hang out because I don’t know what anyone who said, “Fuck it, I want a face tattoo” is capable of.
They’re loose canons, as was proved once again in Akron last week.
From ohio.com:
A 42-year-old Goodyear Heights man faces a slew of charges after police say he beat his girlfriend with a gun, fired shots inside their home and threatened to kill her.
The incident happened about 6 a.m. Friday in the 1700 block of Malasia Road.
When officers arrived, they found a woman who had been beaten at a neighbor’s house and her boyfriend — Shawn P. Harris — on the run.
The woman told police Harris let a friend borrow her son’s truck. When she woke up Harris, he started punching and grabbing her. He then went upstairs, broke into her son’s locked bedroom and came back with a handgun, police said.
Go ahead and keep that guy locked up for the next decade. He obviously has some things going on in his life and needs some time to chill.
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