January 22, 2019

Miami County finds 6,2888 early votes, Ohio prisons ripe for corruption, Columbus hosts a magi gathering, and more.

I spent the last two months thinking I lost by 50 points to a homebound Liberty Online graduate. Despite knowing I lost, I said privately in the aftermath I would never believe I lost by 50 points.

Turns out I was (probably most likely we’ll see for sure tonight) right.

From tdn-net.com:

MIAMI COUNTY — More than 6,000 early votes went uncounted in Miami County during the Nov. 6 general election.

According to Board of Elections Chairman Dave Fisher, the 6,288-vote discrepancy was found when the Secretary of State’s Office reviewed the election results. The office contacted the Board of Elections about the issue on Dec. 20, he said.

“This is terrible,” Fisher said. “I’m dumbfounded by how this happened and wasn’t caught until Dec. 20.”

The board will meet Tuesday to discuss and amend the official election results, an agenda item that was tabled at a special meeting held Jan. 17.

To put this into perspective, every Democrat I know in Miami County voted early. This means my own vote didn’t even count in the “final” results!

Not every one of those 6,288 votes went to me, but even going from 25% to 33% could entirely shift the narrative of my campaign’s success.

I can’t attend the Board of Elections meeting tonight, and I’m glad. If I did, it’d end with me sweating and cussing and getting tased by a sheriff’s deputy who thinks I’m a communist.

You might have read recent stories about state officials using prisoners as a spigot of dirt-cheap labor and wondered about the state of regulations surrounding Ohio prisons.

Spoiler: Regulations don’t exist.

From John Caniglia of cleveland.com:

CLEVELAND, Ohio – The staff of the legislative watchdog that monitors the Ohio prison system is so depleted that it uses interns to evaluate the state’s correctional facilities, authorities said.

The administrative staff of the Correctional Institution Inspection Committee has just one full-time employee. Five years ago, it had six: a director and five inspectors with backgrounds in the criminal justice system.

Because of the shortage of employees, the staff has struggled to meet its most crucial role: to write and disseminate reports to legislators and the public on the state’s 27 prisons and three juvenile facilities, according to interviews and a review of records.

The latest prison inspection reports were placed online in 2017. Five years ago, the reports were posted online within a month of a prison’s inspection.

No politician ever got elected by campaigning for prisoners’ rights. And nowhere is that more evident in Ohio, where our penal system has become more brutish. Is the expansion of private prisons related to all this? It’s hard to say.

My friend (read: computer football enemy) drives Uber on the weekend and mentioned he took a customer to a Magic gathering at the Columbus Convention Center.

I pictured a Magic: The Gathering kind of gathering.

Turns out our beloved city hosts one of the largest gatherings of street magicians in the country.

From Ken Gordon of dispatch.com:

On Thursday, the first area to open was a heated pavilion connected to the Crowne Plaza that was set aside for vendors.

There, hundreds of people wandered the eclectic mix of magicians and manufacturers peddling their wares, including decks of trick cards, wands, rings, cups and books of magic.

Among those scoping out the merchandise was Eagle Xio, 22, a student at the University of Minnesota who has been practicing magic for six years.

“Whenever I see a good trick, I feel like a little kid and I feel giddy — that’s what I like most about it,” Xio said. “So it would be cool to make someone feel like a little kid through magic.”

About to drive back to Marion to kick the shit out of my father for not naming me Eagle Xio. I’d be doing a lot cooler things in life had he had that kind of confidence in me.

I still haven’t recovered from the shock of learning that the MAGA teens who taunted a Native American Vietnam veteran in Washington D.C. go to an elite private Catholic high school in the Kentuckian suburbs of Cincinnati.

The wealthy family of the smiling teen—you know the one—enlisted a Republican P.R. firm to deflect blame, claiming Black Israelites ignited the confrontation by calling his group “white crackers” — as if there is any other kind of cracker on the racial slur rolodex.

Anyway, a video of the MAGA teens harassing women on capitol lawn before that infamous confrontation quickly discredited narrative.

That didn’t stop at least three 4/chan trolls (if you just asked, “what the hell is 4/chan?” count your blessings and continue to the next section) from leaving fliers of solidarity around Covington Catholic’s campus on Martin Luther King Day.

It’s wild how white males wearing MAGA hats like to obscure their salami faces while appearing in “racially-charged” incidents? Somebody should investigate to see if there’s a connection.

If class warfare ever erupts in Columbus for any other reason than Ohio State football lost three games in a row, the first suburb to be extirpated will be Dublin.

From Gary Seman Jr of dispatch.com:

It’s 20 degrees, a light snow is falling and a bitter wind swirls through the air.

All the while you and five friends are dining on a rooftop patio in a climate-controlled, see-through igloo, taking in the sights of the Scioto River and nearby Historic Dublin.

Welcome to the latest experience at Vaso, the dining concept at AC Hotel by Marriot Dublin, 6540 Riverside Drive in Bridge Park.

…

The six-seat igloos, made of plastic and PVC pipe, will be available for reservations through the end of March, Turkay said.

The full-service experience includes the tapas-style Vaso menu and drinks. Each igloo comes with a heater, fur-covered chairs and blanket, he said.

Sunday through Wednesday, the reservation rate is $100 per hour, which is waived if customers spend that amount of money on food, drinks or bottle service, Turkay said. The price Thursday through Saturday is $200 an hour.

“The six-seat igloos, made of plastic and PVC pipe”—so in other words, not igloos at all.

Hey, at least this scheme will provide another Instagram opportunity for the worst people in Columbus. We definitely don’t have enough of those right now.

THOSE WMDs. President Trump posts Photoshopped pictures to Facebook and Twitter that make him appear thinner with longer fingers… You matched with someone really great online. Here’s their ghostwriter… Where to find the oldest surviving restaurants and bars in Cleveland… Friends don’t let friends become Chinese billionaires… Undercover cop says colleagues beat him like Rodney King… The millions in the firing squad of Martin Luther King Jr… Why McDonald’s doesn’t rot.