Oh hell yes: J.D. Vance's downfall is here
All that's left to do is laugh at what's to come.
It probably all seemed so simple to Vice President Boss Baby in January 2025.
In less than three years, J.D. Vance had ascended from a nationally acclaimed hillbilly whisper to the United States Senate to one calcified heartbeat away from the presidency.
He did it with no charisma, no aura, and only a sadistic humiliation kink for licking boots to guide him.
“Young, confident and casually cruel” conservatives made a glitzy New Yorker cover, making it seem like the movement had finally earned a shred of cultural capital.
And who better to lead that post-Trump movement than Vance? After all, he had just become the Vice President despite hurting the ticket with several bone-headed gaffes.
Here’s how The Rooster assessed the situation on July 24, 2024, when the rumblings started on Trump tapping Vance as his running mate:
It’s been tried before by grifters who ignore one of Trump’s best qualities: Eventually trashing subordinates who debase themselves to curry favor. Vance will inevitably get that treatment. Trump will call him something like “Vice President Chump Change,” and it’s going to feel like what I’d imagine heroin is like because Vance will have to take it on the chin like the rest of the feckless losers he’s trying to imitate.
Vance thinks he’s built differently because he won one five-way Republican primary. Vance probably thinks that not even Trump’s sons can shine in Daddy’s shoes like him. But his time in the Trump blender will come like a sizable majority of the other power-hungry lizard people who tried to use Trump’s vanity for a shortcut to power.
Well, we know what happened next.
Maybe Vance is dumb enough to have believed that Donald Trump would usher America into an unprecedented golden age; that the people would re-elect him at the top of the ticket in 2028.
Or maybe he was just willing to wager that Trump, only a paragon of physical fitness in the homoerotic art commissioned by his most fervent followers, would die early in his term while eating a cold Big Mac on the toilet at 2:30 in the morning.
Regardless, it’s appearing that Vance will not, in fact, be the first Trump syncophant to avoid being rituallistically humiliatied by the man for which he debased himself.
Vance’s public troubles started three weeks ago, when sweaty technofascist Peter Thiel announced his move to the famed Nazi sanctuary of Argentina over self-proclaimed doubts about the future of America.
Vance breezed past his relationship with Thiel in his new memoir, but Thiel staked $10 million to Vance’s floundering Senate campaign, which kept him alive long enough for Trump’s endorsement to carry him across the finish line.
Why would Thiel move to Argentina if he felt confident that one of his sugar babies would ascend to the presidency as late at January 2029? Might it have something to do with Vance not belonging to Thiel’s recently exposed lizard cabal secret society, which includes former Ohio Attorney General Dave Yost?
Because from my angle, it looks like Thiel spent $10 million on a Senate campaign for someone he quickly realized was a shrill nerd and thus not worthy of an invite to a super-cool fraternity filled with Normal Guys. And it shows why Vance has no friends, even in the Trump Administration.
But Vance’s troubles run deeper than seeing another father-figure, albeit an amphetamine-addicted sugar daddy, abandon him for greener pastures.
Last month, the New York Times published an exposé on Trump questioning if Vance had The Juice to lead the MAGA movement after his death:
When he conducts those polls in private, Mr. Trump often compares Mr. Vance’s performance to his own achievements. He has told several allies that Mr. Vance has never won a tough race without his help. (Mr. Trump’s endorsement got Mr. Vance over the finish line in a tight race for an Ohio Senate seat.) He has brought up the number of vacations Mr. Vance has taken as vice president. (Mr. Trump does not generally take them.)
[…]
Mr. Trump, always keenly attuned to the optics of the presidency, has zeroed in on moments when Mr. Vance might not look the part. He has repeatedly brought up a moment from last spring, when Mr. Vance fumbled Ohio State’s national football championship trophy on the White House South Lawn. (Mr. Trump has said he is happy it wasn’t him.)
Say what you want about Trump, and The Rooster has written a lot. But the man displays an animal cunning about political winds. And his most admirable trait has always been his willingness to throw his syncophants into a blender whenever it suits him, no matter how hard they shined his oversized shoes.
To compound Vance’s problems, he’s clearly being set up as the fall man for the Iran boondoggle despite his team leaking to every reporter who would listen that he opposed the invasion.
Trump admitted as much two days ago—with Vance’s 2028 rival Marco Rubio standing silently over his shoulder—when he “joked” that he would take the credit if Vance successfully negotiated a peace deal in Iran or blame him if he didn’t.
From The HillI:
“It was a terrible day for Vice President Vance and his 2028 presidential aspirations,” said one former Trump staffer. “You have Republicans like Lindsey Graham already labeling this ‘the Vance deal’ and President Trump has now supercharged that notion. … And if you noticed, Rubio was standing there stone silent.”
“This is a very s‑‑‑ deal for JD Vance,” the former Trump staffer said.
It’s what Vance deserves. He was right there in the Situation Room with the rest of the Trump Administration trying to defuse the Epstein Files.
Months later, he was trying to convince Jeffrey Epstein’s second-best friend to install martial law in Minnesota after the Department of Homeland Security’s goons executed two law-abiding citizens in the street.
This isn’t a “shit deal” for Vance. It’s the exact terms of the deal that were signed in bold, size-72 font.
And while he did become Vice President, at least we can laugh at him spending Father’s Day in Switzerland, seeing the Iranian delegation walk out of the room after Trump threatened their country with a deranged social media tirade.
From The Guardian:
High-stakes talks between the US and Iran are expected to continue for the rest of the week in Switzerland, after a tense start that saw Iranian negotiators walk out in protest at a stream of threats issued by Donald Trump on social media.
The US president had threatened to bomb Iran and even to kidnap the Iranian negotiating team unless the strait of Hormuz was reopened, forcing mediators Qatar and Pakistan to continue negotiations in the background.
If I wanted my subordinate to succeed at a high-level negotiation, I simply wouldn’t have tweeted bomb and kidnapping threats at the opposition. But I’m built different than President Trump.
However, it’s not hard to see what Vance couldn’t.
Trump will never appoint a successor, let alone him.
Trump is a malignant narcissist who, like Joseph Stalin, would much prefer to see his gutless underlings tear each other apart as soon as he dies as one final testament to them being nothing without him.
It doesn’t take a mystical oracle to have seen this moment coming for Vance. But that won’t make his time in the blender any less hilarious or euphoric.
“He’s going to be vacuuming Wexner’s pool in a thong by Wednesday:” Columbus Partnership cans CEO Jason Hall
On Sunday, The Rooster broke the news that the Columbus Partnership fired CEO Jason Hall, with golden parachute negotiations ongoing and an announcement expected as soon as Monday.
The Patriot Wire—the best way to see big, breaking news straight to your phone—got the news first. (You can subscribe today, for free!)
