Larry Householder's Most Deranged Google Reviews, Ranked

Before he was pinched for doing the RICO, Larry Householder was a semi-prolific reviewer of everything from Long John Silver's to emergency rooms.

A map of some of Larry Householder’s Google reviews [HT: @Ohio_Matters]

Former Ohio House Speaker Larry Householder will die in federal prison because he chose to finance a new deck on his Florida vacation home by participating in the largest bribery scheme in state history (that the FBI knows about, anyway).

Between two stints as Speaker of the House, Householder spent his time traveling between Ohio and Florida and reviewing various businesses he patronized, according to his Google profile:

Householder’s 275 Google Answers have, unfortunately, been lost to the sands of time. (Google recommended archiving them before July 31st, 2021.)

Thankfully Householder’s Google Reviews survive. The disgraced politician primarily left four- and five-star reviews on places like Denny’s and Texas Roadhouse.

When he had a bad experience, which he did at least 23 percent of the time he left a review, he would always leave a comment along with his starred review.

Let’s start with the bad reviews, which are presented entirely as they are written and ranked on a scale of normal to deranged:

Shade
850 S 30th St, Heath, OH 43056
5 years ago

⭐️⭐️

Great service food was ok, at best. Would not recommend this as a good restaurant.

This review shows that Householder places the emphasis on the quality of food over service. Five-star service can only go so far with the big man.

Baymont by Wyndham Cornelia
1105 US-441 BUS, Cornelia, GA 30531
6 years ago

⭐️

I've stated in many motels. Most of the $45 motels were as nice as this one breakfast was very poor. Furniture in the room was btoken, pool was broken. Could not get a discount because of broken pool. Staff was very in careing, and not very helpful. Breakfast. Was not good at all. Meat and biscuits were dry. Could go on but you've been warned. On the other hand it was quiet and the bed was comfortable.

Can not recommend that anyone ever stay here.

Due to a series of tragic events, I have stayed in a Baymont in twice in the last year. Once in Canton and another in Toledo. I paid roughly $130 for both rooms, combined.

The best I can say about them is neither room had bedbugs.

The one in Toledo did have black mold on the bathroom ceiling. Did I complain or demand a discount? No. I simply didn’t shower that night. But I guess I’m built different than Householder, who was cheap enough to try for a “broken pool discount.”

If you’re staying at the Baymont for the pool, you’re already losing.

Spaghetti Warehouse
397 W Broad St, Columbus, OH 43215
4 years ago

⭐️

Use to be one of the best. Not any more. It was dirty. Food wasn't as good as in the past. Servers seemed to be rushed bread salad, appetizer and the meal all came out at about the same time. The only good thing I have to say is great calamari.

Heartbreaking to learn Householder and I are the type of Ohio Men who will order calamari at a restaurant that’s not within a 400-mile radius of an ocean.

It seems Householder went to a famous Columbus restaurant on a weekend night and got mad because the servers didn’t snap to attention with his every beck and call, and the kitchen failed to deliver his bread, salad, appetizer and meal in their allotted time frames. Oh, the humanity!

Licking Memorial Hospital: Emergency Department
1320 W Main St, Newark, OH 43055
4 years ago

⭐️

Out of all the ERs I have been to this has to be the least careing. We felt like the were trying to push us out the door. Finally a Doctor with some compassion decided to check further and found that my wife had pneumonia, & was dehydrated. They admitted her and everything changed. Our experience on 4 th floor was great, completely oposit of the ER.

It’s here where we learn Householder, who just two years ago was the most powerful politician in the state, can’t spell “caring” or “opposite.” Not that I’ve ever been confused with a Spelling Bee champion, but my god—people expect their leaders to have a better grasp on the language than they do.

Tumbleweed Tex Mex Grill & Margarita Bar
899 Hebron Rd, Heath, OH 43056
4 years ago

⭐️⭐️⭐️

My wife's meal came with some unknown slimy stuff she found after eating half of it. The manager took the meal off of the bill, but how much of the stuff did she eat before she noticed it. My mesl was great, and the service was good.

I’ve been to a Tumbleweed one time because my girlfriend and I were traveling back to Columbus and we mistakenly thought it was a local restaurant. The salsa, which was basically ketchup, still haunts me to this day. They shouldn’t even be legally allowed to call that slop “salsa.”

But what I love about this rating is that Householder will only dock you two stars if you try to food poison his wife as long as King Tut gets good service and a great meal.

Cracker Barrel Old Country Store
1860 Winderly Ln, Pickerington, OH 43147
3 years ago

⭐️

Cracker Barrel use to be a great restaurant. But the last three Cracker Barrel restaurants we stopped at were terrible. This one being the worst. Our food was cold, service was slow, coffee was weak, the eggs were rubbery, bacon was burnt ham was dry,& the flavor of the food was not good. Even the fried apples tasted bad. This was definitely our last stop at any Cracker Barrel.

What’s funny about this review is that where Householder is going, he’s going to be wishing for some rubbery eggs and burnt bacon from Cracker Barrel. I’d have more sympathy for him if he had lifted a single finger to improve prison conditions while he was in power to do so.

It is, however, fun to think about Householder sitting at a Cracker Barrel, playing the chain’s dumb little peg game, and getting increasingly mad as plate of bad food after plate of bad food hit his table to the point he decided, “That’s it! I’m leaving this place a blistering one-star review!”

---

Sadly, Householder stopped leaving Boomer reviews when he returned to the Ohio House of Representatives. He hasn’t returned to the game since being charged with RICO and expelled from the state legislature.

But should you ever need a bite to eat in Columbus, Newark, or Lancaster… let Householder’s ratings be your guiding light through the darkness.

Here is every one of his ratings, preserved for posterity in case Google one day gets rid of them. He rated everything from Dollar General to Long John Silver’s.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

• Skip One 41

  15820 S Tamiami Trail, Fort Myers, FL 33908

• Habitat for Humanity-MidOhio ReStore Westerville Road

  3140 Westerville Rd, Columbus, OH 43224

• Roots Restaurant

  1260 N Memorial Dr, Lancaster, OH 43130

• Lazy River At Granville

  2340 Dry Creek Rd NE, Granville, OH 43023

• Tom's Ice Cream Bowl

  532 McIntire Ave, Zanesville, OH 43701

• Watt's Family Restaurant

  77 S Main St, Utica, OH 43080

• Texas Roadhouse

  1200 W Church St, Newark, OH 43055

• Nutcracker Family Restaurant

  63 E Broad St, Pataskala, OH 43062

• Roberta's Diner

  124 Main St, Warsaw, OH 43844

• Bob Evans

  1001 Cherry Valley Rd SE, Newark, OH 43055

• Thimmes Fish Shack

  619 W Fair Ave, Lancaster, OH 43130

• Rusty Bucket Restaurant and Tavern

  180 Market St, New Albany, OH 43054

• Goumas Candyland

  19 Claren Dr, Heath, OH 43056

• Cristy's Pizza East

  1436 Tiki Ln, Lancaster, OH 43130

• The Rivers Edge Grill

  50 W Columbus Rd #9462, Utica, OH 43080

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

• Sparks Family Chiropractic

  365 E Main St, Lancaster, OH 43130

• McDonald's

  1451 E Main St, Lancaster, OH 43130

• Denny's

  2031 Southgate Pkwy, Cambridge, OH 43725

• Subway

  1191 E Main St, Lancaster, OH 43130

• Granville Inn

  314 E Broadway First Floor, Granville, OH 43023

• Lee's Famous Recipe Chicken

  1635 N 21st St, Newark, OH 43055

• Aladdin Restaurant

  122 E Broadway, Granville, OH 43023

• Barking Box

  1631 Mt Vernon Rd, Newark, OH 43055

• Dodson's On Broadway

  313 W Broadway St, New Lexington, OH 43764

• Falcon's Nest

  7477 Main St, Rushville, OH 43150

• Long John Silver's (70044)

  863 Hebron Rd, Heath, OH 43056

• Lowe's Home Improvement

  888 Hebron Rd, Heath, OH 43056

• Deb's Corner Cafe

  537 N Broad St, Lancaster, OH 43130

• Wendy's

  204 Cherry Valley Rd NE, Newark, OH 43055

• The Old Bag of Nails Pub - Newark

  1671 N 21st St, Newark, OH 43055

⭐️⭐️⭐️

• Family Dollar

  310 W Main St, Somerset, OH 43783

• Dollar General

  1950 E Main St, Lancaster, OH 43130

• Castaways

  1500 N High St, Lancaster, OH 43130

⭐️⭐️

• Echard Collision Repair

  1426 Collins Rd NW, Lancaster, OH 43130

• Roosters

  1414 N 21st St, Newark, OH 43055

---

You look through these reviews and realize that Householder had life by the balls after escaping FBI scrutiny in his first stint as Speaker of the House.

The man was rolling around the state living on calamari and rubbery eggs. Dropping one-star reviews on Baymont Inns. Saying stuff like, “You know what? That McDonald’s was good but not great. Four stars!”

If he were born younger, perhaps he could have been a country bumpkin TikTok star or some sort of influencer. In this one, however, Householder chose to return to the corrupt circus and tried to snooker the FBI with his most grandiose criminal scheme yet. He couldn’t live without that new deck!

It’s unlikely Householder will return to the review circuit should he be sentenced to prison.

But you never know.

At that point, he would have nothing left to lose…

THOSE WMDs. The baseball stadium that “forever changed” professional sports… This is the data Facebook gave police to prosecute a teenager for an abortion… Emails raise questions about WaPo fact-checker… A day in the life of India’s e-waste workers… How (and why) Neil Gaiman finally adapted The Sandman for TV after three daces of stopping bad versions.