The Newest Testament

The Rooster taps a special correspondent to score last night's Biblical brawl that took Ohio Politics Twitter by storm.

Today’s dispatch is a special report from The Rooster’s Jewish correspondent, Max Littman, whom I’ve contracted to commentate on last night’s Biblical knuckleduster between Jewish Congressman Max Miller (R-Rocky River) and noted Evangelical nutcase Lizzie Marbach, formerly of Ohio Right to Life.

You can follow Max Littman on Twitter at @juicewag.

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I’ll be honest, I wrote this in two parts. I went to The Rooster’s Executive Committee after I finished my day job with the idea to write a nice little piece on Ohio’s anti-Semitic battle royale of the day. I wrote it, thought it looked good, went to bar trivia (got second) and oh boy did shit hit the fan from there.

This story is divided into two parts with a final fight scorecard, meticulously graded by yours truly. 

Part 1 : The Sermon 

There are precisely two Jewish Republicans in Congress. To say they’re a rare breed is an understatement. 

Compared to the 35 Jewish Democrats in Congress you get a bit of a sense of how most Jewish Americans fall on the political spectrum. Outside of the very conservative Haredim (the very religious sects typically in New York and New Jersey) American Jews are almost unabashedly liberal on social issues, dating back a long way and featuring prominently in the Civil Rights movement. 

The Republicans, and the Republican Jewish Committee, also stop at nothing to call “the left” anti-Semitic. That’s why yesterday, August 15th, was such an unusual day.

That a Republican Jewish Congressman, Max Miller, called out anti-Semitism in his own party, in his state, in a very direct manner was certainly a surprise. 

It all started with Lizzie Marbach, the former Communications Director for Ohio Right to Life. When not taking L’s on state issues, she’s busy tweeting and was recently so offended over DJ and me pointing out (rightfully) that the guy in her profile picture looked more like her father than her husband, that she blocked us and deleted her wedding website. 

Lizzie has a terminal case of Twitter Brain, which brings us to yesterday’s banger of a Tweet that got the party started:

This honestly seemed fairly mundane to me. 

As a Jewish guy, I’m accustomed to Evangelical Christians never shutting up about their religion. They also have a long history of trying to convert Jews, which while annoying has very little effect on most Jews. 

Yesterday, it seemed Congressman Miller was sick of it—maybe the looming prospect of a statewide abortion amendment passing got to him, who knows. Both he and Lizzie are Trump Admin alums from Ohio, and presumably know each other, and it’s fair to say it got personal. 

What sticks out is that Miller must not spend a lot of time on Twitter, compared to a lot of the Nazi-filled garbage being spewed on the site lately this was down-right tame. He does have a point, though; religious freedom does apply. I still have no idea what he was trying to imply though, Lizzie’s tweet just says there’s no hope for us Jews.

And you know what? Most Jews are totally fine with her thinking that. Growing up even in suburban Columbus I heard many many times that I was going to Hell because I’m Jewish. That I was responsible for Jesus’ death. That something was wrong with me for not believing in Jesus. It stopped fazing me. If an Evangelical thinks I’m going to Hell or not getting saved, that’s fine by me. 

If their version of Hell exists I’d be there for so many other reasons it doesn’t even matter. 

Jews, contrary to prevailing public belief, do have an afterlife. But ours is much different, subject to much Rabbinical, and we instead focus our time trying to leave the world better than when we found it. We have a phrase for this, Tikkun Olam, or literally “repairing the world.” 

This concept also is directly why Jewish Republicans are outnumbered in Congress 35-2. It’s not hard to see that the Republican party is functionally against repairing the world, or at the very least our country. 

Anyways, I digress, this is where it all goes off the rails. 

This stinger of a reply by Miller is just weirdly anti-Jewish philosophy. Jews don’t think that we’re “the Chosen People” in that we’re the only ones worth saving—rather that God chose Jews to keep the covenant. 

Most Jews themselves won’t ever call themselves the chosen ones in that context, because it leads to a rash of anti-Semitism and backlash against those “chosen.” Most Jews see that they have a special covenant with God and strive to uphold that, while not thinking that has anything to do with the distinctly non-Jewish concept of eternal saviorism. 

I keep getting all philosophical here, but I think it’s an important subcontext. 

Yeah, anyways, her reply didn’t understand any of that: 

First of all, it is important to note that even a Jew like myself can believe that “Jesus Chris” is lord. One half of the holy duo of Ruth-Chris, prolific steakhouse restaurateurs, could only serve up their noble steak on High St. through divine intervention. (I’ve never had their steak as I keep kosher but I’m sure it’s good). 

Typo or not I don’t think my knee will ever be bending, and if it does I will issue a full apology right here in The Rooster. 

That tweet was followed by no less than currently 19 deranged retweets saying all sorts of things. 

For instance these distinctly anti-Semitic ones: 

I genuinely can’t parse which of these is worse, but it has brought out the most deranged people who seem to really be one-step away from calling Miller every slur in their books. It’s also telling that these people want “rulers” as opposed to “elected officials.”

But if you thought that was bad, don’t take a look at the replies to Miller. 

Just the tip of the hat here really but truly some of the worst people in the world all in one Tweet reply. 

Stuff like this is the perfect backdrop to the incredible failure of Issue 1, and why abortion will be legalized in Ohio in November. 

These positions are not popular! No matter how much they feed into their anti-Semitic echo chambers on Twitter, Ohio Right to Life and their associates are not winning hearts and minds with these arguments.

You can have your religion, and be proud of it, but attacking Jews for it isn’t the answer, and it sure as hell isn’t going to get you votes. 

Part 2: Donald Glover Walking into a Room on Fire GIF 

A few measly hours later this turned into perhaps a national news story, which if anything is way funnier.

The best part is clearly Congressman Miller backing down, posting a sordid apology as if he did anything wrong. 

As anyone who’s adept at posting knows, the number one rule is never back down from your position. You should be prepared to die on any hill, no matter how big or small, no matter what. Miller broke this cardinal sin, perhaps because of forces outside of his control. 

For instance, his wife, Emily, is the daughter of Republican Senate candidate Bernie Moreno and also coincidentally on the board of Ohio Right to Life, could have told him it looks bad to the base. 

Or, in a much less plausible scenario, he took the advice of Democratic Minnesota Congresswoman Ilhan Omar, one of four Muslims in either legislative chamber:

Simply put, this is a bad tweet from someone who should know better. Miller may not be in the right. Lizzie was expressing her belief, but she was also retweeting unhinged anti-Semities and propagating her Christian-nationalism which rightfully deserves to be called out. Criticizing that is not harassment, the legion of Nazis quote-tweeting and replying to Miller is harassment. 

If this wasn’t enough, one of America’s bigots-in-chief, Matt Walsh, who got outed 48 hours earlier as an avowed white nationalist, chimed in with a nonsensical tweet that poor Lizzie was just saying the core tenets of her faith. Yawn. 

Unfortunately, as of publication, America’s second-favorite Jew (behind me) Ben Shapiro has not chimed in. One can only assume that he’s busy working on a follow-up to his Barbie movie review. 

I think what really gets me here is the lack of people talking not about Miller’s tweet but what it caused. A mass dog-piling of anti-Semitism. His tweet might not have been correct or right, but the results and the subsequent spewing of intense hatred is the calling card of the right. If anyone should have known that beast was there it was him. 

The right has no hesitation to eat their own, if you step out of line, even if you’re one of the good ones, be forewarned. 

You can do everything right, work for Trump, and serve in Congress with a 100% Conservative rating, but don’t you dare tell someone not to try to shove their Christianity down everyone’s throats. 

Before we end though we have to highlight one of Ohio’s best and brightest State Rep. Gary Click. Picking sides too early in any battle can be a mistake, and unfortunately for ole Gary he chose wrong. 

Hat-tip to @Choops34 on twitter for this one: 

A straightforward retweet when it looked like the tide was with Miller. 

A few hours later and it looks like dear Gary has flipped sides, in what is sure to be a crushing blow to a US Congressman who doesn't know or care that he exists. 

Scoreboard

As with any good fight I am here to keep score and let’s make some marks.

Points will be awarded on a singular basis, whoever has the most wins the Rooster Holy Roller Battle Royale. 

Lizzie Marbach: 

Point: Posting so hard that you lose your job. 

All too familiar to ahem some people that own this newsletter, this deserves begrudging respect and earns a point. 

Point: Forcing your opponent to apologize.  

Humiliation 101. 

Point: Fervently calling the hogs of America in her defense. 

A Comms Director whose career was in Jeopardy earlier today got some of the biggest names in Conservative media, Cernovich and Walsh, to rush to her defense over some tweets. That’s a point for her. 

Point Deduction: 

Getting Ilhan Omar on your side. What sane-minded conservative would ever want a member of the Squad agreeing with them? This is a potential legacy tarnisher. Minus one. 

Max Miller: 

Point: Provoking one of the biggest clowns in the state. 

Marbach is notoriously thin-skinned, the quote tweet worked like magic to rile her up, just uh too much. 

Point Deduction: Backing down just hours later. 

As stated, live by the sword, die by the sword. You can’t suddenly get back into the hog sty when you said you were kosher. Doesn’t work like that. 

I really can’t think of any more points here. He picked a fight with a zealot, was relentlessly attacked, and instead of perhaps pointing out the virulent anti-Semitism in his opponents’ retweets or supporters simply slunk away with an apology. Pathetic. Take your loss and enjoy your potentially career-ending L. 

Verdict: 

2-1 Marbach takes it. Society et. al. loses substantially and is significantly dumber for having read this. 

THOSE WMDs. Retailers blame theft, but internal issues to blame… How to safely and quickly put out a grease fire… The Jerk Aficiandos… Here’s how cycling can slow down the aging process… Why the world’s best vanilla is easy to steal.