Mayor Suburbs, You Dirty Dog!
"What mayor of a major American city has time to golf that fucking much?"
I don’t care for the game of golf, though no fault of my dad who tried to instill a love of the sport in me. I took a few cracks with a driver and realized I wasn’t the next Tiger Woods, so I said “Fuck that” and never returned to the sport despite my dad’s warnings it would be a great way to network with my future business partners.
I would’ve rued that decision if I had decided to be a corrupt politician.
Golf isn’t a sport; rather, it’s an elitist hobby. I’ve never met a poor golfer, and I never will. Every professional golfer is a Republican who worships at the altar of President Business Deals.
Marilyn Monroe’s mistress, John F. Kennedy, didn’t like to be seen golfing while in office, because as an elite himself, he knew how it would play among the small folk.
It’s simple optics that the simpleton George W. Bush also understood, as he told Politico in 2008 on why he stopped golfing:
“I don’t want some mom whose son may have recently died to see the commander in chief playing golf. I feel I owe it to the families to be in solidarity as best as I can with them. And I think, you know, playing golf during a war just sends the wrong signal.”
And that’s wisdom and empathy from the worst president of my lifetime. He now spends his retirement hobnobbing with Ellen and painting mediocre watercolors after lying his ass off to avenge his father in an 18-year-war that senselessly slaughtered nearly 300,000 people, among other atrocities.
Some people might think that politicians deserve to have a little leisure time, as a treat. Not me. It’s not like we bestowed this great responsibility on them; they went out and campaigned on all these great things they were going to do for us. And now they think they can enjoy hobbies while constituents in their district are food insecure or facing eviction? Not on my watch.
I do not like Columbus mayor Andrew Ginther, or as I call him, “Mayor Suburbs.” It’s embarrassing for the city that its voters promoted him when, as city council president, he almost literally got caught red-handed accepting a bribe from traffic light camera company Redflex.
Say what you want about former mayor Michael Coleman, that dude who definitely banged that Chinese spy in his car, at least you would see the man around town. Mayor Suburbs? His $525,000 house in some far-flung place called “The Knolls” might as well be a military bunker where he’s kept in a cryogenic chamber for all I know.
Apparently a good place to find Mayor Suburbs is on the golf course, particularly at Ohio State’s public-private course on Tremont Road. The Mayor has spent roughly 26 straight days on the links since 2016.
From Lu Ann Stoia of abc6onyourside.com:
COLUMBUS, Ohio (WSYX) — Red flags are going up over Mayor Andrew Ginther, one of his bodyguards, and their golf games. Columbus Police Internal Affairs is investigating after an anonymous citizen complaint was filed saying a CPD officer on the mayor’s security detail golfed at least 157 times while on duty. “I think this is a heinous abuse of conduct and action should be taken,” the complaint said.
ABC 6 requested public records from Ohio State University and their golf course on Tremont Road. OSU said they had compiled the document for CPD in February. It reflects the bodyguard golfed with Mayor Ginther and others at least 157 times since 2016.
The funny thing is this is just with his one body guard, Columbus Division of Police Officer Marty Jaeger, who is apparently getting paid his already ridiculous cop salary to golf with the mayor. Hard to imagine him saving the mayor from an assassin’s bullet as he’s watching his shanked drive land somewhere in the rough.
But here’s the thing: The mayor has three body guards he keeps in rotation despite, so this doesn’t even include the days that he has taken the other two golfing with him.
Investigative reporter Tom Sussi reported in October 2020 that Ginther had played at Ohio State at least “222 times [since 2016] with most of those tee times during the working week.” At four hours a round, that’s over 35 straight days chasing a tiny white ball around a well-manicured field.
Sussi also spotted Mayor Suburbs at Double Eagle Club, “an exclusive private course in Delaware County” hosted by The Champion Companies, “a major Central Ohio player in real estate, development and management.” (Mayor has never met a real estate development that he didn’t like because they all seem to have a way of personally benefiting him or his campaign.)
Here’s how Golf Digest describes the club:
“Double Eagle Club achieves all the ideals of one of the best courses in the nation. Conditioning was immaculate, shot value was challenging and exhilarating, and the ambience was one of the best.”
“How about this quality control feature? The staff cleans your shoes BEFORE you play, to keep the greens from getting any impurities. I've never seen that before. There's also an underground system to keep green edges from having any shape loss due to maintenance.”
“The purist-type golf atmosphere, a true golf club with a peaceful and calmness that connects well with nature provides a high ambience rating, while also including the national and international membership that take pride in the club.”
I can’t imagine letting anyone under any circumstance clean my shoes, but hey, I am just an insane communist blogger who lives in the poorest neighborhood in Columbus.
What a charmed life for Mayor Suburbs to be able to decide on a whim that he’s taking his buddy body guard to some private club where the staff will shine their shoes before walking on the sacred grass — all at the expense of John Q. Taxpayer.
Liberals loved lambasting President Business Deals for golfing during a pandemic — and rightfully so. I just wish they’d keep the same energy when the golf shoe inevitably slips on the other foot. Ginther is the same kind of clown as Trump, without the baked-in benefit of unintentionally being one of the funniest people alive.
Mayor Suburbs didn’t have even have competition in his last re-election. That will probably be true in 2023, too. Democracy, baby! Hard to think of a better system.
THOSE WMDs. How to collect $1.2 trillion in unpaid taxes… The politics of a dog park… You’re still doing remote-work all wrong… Six plants that naturally repel mosquitos… A family doctor trafficked 4,000 fentanyl patches out of a strip mall… How cold water swimming cured my broken heart.