Not a Weekend to Remember
Not a Weekend to Remember
I look forward to eventually deleting this chain of events from my mind.
The thing about weekends is they’re precious and yet we’ll have forgotten 95% of them by the time the Grim Reaper comes to dump our asses into the abyss.
Not that this particular weekend was memorable but one thing that does stick out is how on Friday night I’m at Kroger buying some spices to season my steak and I get a text from a Democratic Statehouse staffer about how the Republicans are barking at Main Bar. Not on my watch!!!!
I don’t associate with any elected Republicans but I do bark with any staffer that has fire in their belly. One beer leads to a tequila shot and suddenly I’m talking with a GOP staffer whose name I won’t mention and he’s saying Democrats fucked up by not taking care of their people as evidenced by America’s urban centers suffering from the same wealth inequality and moral rot that’s destroying our country from the foundation.
Not that I have experience in every Democratic-controlled city in in the country but Christ the politics of Cincinnati, Columbus, Dayton and Cleveland are all a mess.
Could anyone here name one local Democratic politician that you could see winning a state-wide election some day? Dayton Mayor Nan Whaley… maybe? Please don’t say future Cincinnati mayor P.G. Sittenfeld either because that dude will get tossed into the trashcan.
What is the most progressive policy coming out of our big-city machines? Why does mass transit suck across the board? Why are we still passing out tax dollars to billionaire sports owners for their vanity projects?
These are just some of things I’m thinking about as I sit down to write about another weekend in which the Browns got long-dicked in the Wild West for the 1,000th time since their return in 1999.
R.I.P. TO URBAN MEYER’S COLLEGIATE COACHING CAREER
Urban Meyer became a multimillionaire on the back of primarily black exploited labor. At Ohio State he refused to let his “amateur” players exercise their First Amendment rights by kneeling during our country’s fight song that we play before every athletic event for entirely non-fascist reasons.
The famous Dublin restauranteur went to the Troop Super Bowl on Saturday and while there he apparently sat and chatted with the career white-collar criminal racist with sunset brain that the former football coach undoubtedly elected to the highest office in the land in 2016 because he resonated with the idea of running America “like a business.”
If you watch Meyer closely in this video you can see when he instinctually goes to wave at the camera before realizing within .3 seconds that he’ll never be able to recruit the black athletes needed to win another college football championship.
The good news for him is Cowboys billionaire Jerry Jones and Slurs billionaire Dan Snyder – two of the most grotesque figures in the lizard cartel that is NFL ownership — appear ready to engage in a high-stakes bidding war for the right to secure Meyer leading their respective team to four wins in the 2020 season.
I would pay $10,000 for their transcript because given it’d be high comedy only capable of being produced by two Boomers who only know 800 words combined and speak exclusively in superlatives.
I’m sure Meyer presented himself as a MAGA acolyte but I’m old enough to remember when Meyer endorsed the doomed presidential bid of John Kasich well-after it became clear Trump was going to romp to the nomination.
The sad part is Meyer could probably win a Senate seat despite that time he cut a campaign ad with the odious grifter Josh Mandel that cost taxpayers $1.84 million.
I’m thankful this man no longer coaches my favorite football team. At no point this season have I ever wished for Urban Meyer’s best man to come back and coach our linebackers.
OHIO: NOT BIG ON HEALTH
Last week we led the nation in juvenile prison rapes. This week we’re carrying the torch as one of the unhealthiest states in the country!!!
From Chris Mosby of patch.com:
CLEVELAND — The United Health Foundation recently released the 30th edition of its America's Health Rankings Annual Report, which represents the longest-running state-by-state analysis of the nation's health.
It's bad news for Ohio in 2019, as we finished 38th healthiest overall out of the 50 states.
Here's more information on how our state ranked across the five model categories that determined the overall ranking.
Behaviors: 44th
Community & Environment: 27th
Policy: 32nd
Clinical Care: 37th
Health Outcomes: 38th
I apologize to the great state of Ohio because there’s no doubt my behaviors alone tanked our rankings. As for being No. 32 in health policy… my god I’m praying for the 17 states behind us because there must be a plague across their lands.
CINCINNATI: RACIST’S NAME IS OKAY IN SOME PLACES BUT NOT OTHERS
I don’t give a fuck about remembering any human that enslaved other humans. I also sure as hell don’t care about any philanthropy — which is the rich man’s code word for tax evasion — performed by dead enslavers on account their capital was created on the enslavement of other human beings.
To me that seems like a simple code in 2019 but apparently the math isn’t that easy for the brain geniuses at the University of Cincinnati.
From Max Londberg of enquirer.com:
Exactly one month after a working group recommended stripping Charles McMicken’s name from the University of Cincinnati’s largest college, UC President Neville Pinto has weighed in.
In a message published online and emailed to students, Pinto wrote he agreed with the group’s recommendation to remove the slaveowner’s name from the McMicken College of Arts and Sciences.
The UC Board of Trustees will review Pinto’s recommendations at its next meeting, scheduled for Tuesday.
McMicken owned slaves and fathered children with one, and possibly two, enslaved women.
Upon his death in 1858, he left land to the city of Cincinnati on which he wished for colleges to be built “for the education of white Boys and Girls.” His donation was “pivotal” to the establishment of UC, according to the working group comprised of university officials, professors and student leaders.
Alluding to this gift, Pinto wrote that McMicken’s “role as a philanthropist cannot be denied,” and his name as it appears on McMicken Hall and other spaces around campus would serve as a “more fitting tribute” to the slaveowner, “presuming it can be contextualized appropriately.”
It’s hilarious to me the lengths random people will go to defend shitty rich people.
Who gives a fuck about some dead enslaver from the 1850s? It’d make more sense if this cryer in the university suit was his great grandson or something. Instead it’s clearly some dipshit trying to honor his bureaucratic responsibility to uphold white supremacy in whatever manner possible.
BIKE GANGS EXIST IN OHIO!
Being in a criminal gang sounds cool right up until the guy you thought was your boy actually turns out to work for the FBI and suddenly your ass is going to the clink on RICO charges.
From Frank Dalesio of clevescene.com:
How exactly did I become the co-leader of a motorcycle gang sanctioned by the Aryan Brotherhood? To be honest, it kind of happened by accident. The agency never said, "Hey, Frank, go out and befriend a bunch of Aryan Brotherhood members and help start their motorcycle gang." I was never told I'd be palling around with some of the Ohio Aryan Brotherhood's most notorious members. But things never go as expected when you work undercover.
By that point in my career, I'd spent the better part of 18 years working undercover for the ATF. My specialty was outlaw biker-gang infiltrations. I should mention here that they call themselves "motorcycle clubs." But these aren't groups of Sunday cruisers. They have track records as criminal enterprises, which is why law enforcement (and respectable humans) refer to them as gangs.
By 2004, I'd infiltrated the Brothers Motorcycle Club in Columbus, Ohio, and the Vagos club out in Las Vegas. I'd been in a couple armed standoffs and heard a major gang leader order a hit on another undercover ATF agent who happened to be my best friend, Darrin Kozlowski. I'd also played undercover support roles in cases targeting the Outlaws, the Mongols, and the Warlocks. All told, a handful of guys and I, who collectively dedicated hundreds of years on these cases, put hundreds of seriously bad people behind bars for armed violent crimes, attempted murder, weapons sales, and countless other charges. And I picked up a lot of tattoos along the way.
In 2001, when I got to the ATF field office in Youngstown, Ohio, I wasn't supposed to be undercover; I was supposed to be running my group and spending some much-needed time with my wife and our newly adopted daughters. I was still getting adjusted to normal life after an 18-month undercover case. I was happy for the break, but also miserable; even though I was glad to be living without the 24/7 paranoia, something was missing — that rush of living the life and catching these bad guys and beating them at their own game.
I love when cops tell these stories and they clearly became addicted to the fast-life of criminal life (with zero risks to their freedom) to the point where they can’t even live with their wife and children without wanting to die from boredom.
Also… “beating them at their own game” would only be true if both sides were playing by the same rules. But whatever. Sounds like are streets are a lot safer without some hillbilly drug-runners off our streets.
HAVE THE BROWNS FIRED THE MUTINOUS APPLEBEE’S BARTENDER YET?
Give the Browns this much: It took until the middle of December for them to be mathematically eliminated from the playoffs. Yet it can’t go without saying that when faced with a must-win game the Browns got dawg-checked by a three-win team with a historically bad defense.
From Mary Kay Cabot of cleveland.com:
GLENDALE, Ariz. -- It was a disaster in the desert.
The Season of Great Expectations came to an unceremonious end with a 38-24 loss to the Cardinals on Sunday that dropped the Browns to 6-8 and snuffed out their miniscule playoff hopes.
The Steelers lost to the Bills Sunday night, but it left the Browns with only about a 1% chance of making the playoffs, so it’s over.
A sign of the times, the game also ended with Jarvis Landry and Freddie Kitchens arguing on the sideline after a missed field goal by Austin Seibert with 12:05 left in the game. Landry sat on the bench with his head down, and Kitchens came over to try to talk to him.
Two weeks ago I agreed to go to the Ravens game. Now I’m looking at it like a win/win: Either we beat the Ravens and I can feel something in my life for once or the Ravens pound us into the pavement to the point we have no choice but to mercifully euthanize Freddie Kitchens after the game.
My internal organs are looking forward to the end of the season and yet somehow I already know it’ll be like March and I’ll be sitting there thinking “Holy hell I can’t wait until Browns season! This is our year baby!”
The lesson is I never learn my lesson.
THOSE WMDs. “A cesspool of a dungeon:” rural prison population surges… Hungover coworker a little too functional morning after holiday party not to be an alcoholic... He was one of Mexico’s deadliest assassins; then he turned on the cartel… The Mandalorian is a good show about how hard it is to be a dad… Et tu, United Kingdom?