Oh No, It's da Po Po
Oh No, It's da Po Po
Police violence to Urban Meyer's Pint House — we love the Rooster, don't we, folks?
Good morning to everyone but these Golden State Warriors fans:
Oh, this is it. The Warriors are going down tonight, and I can’t wait. Good team or whatever but way too corny for my tastes. Would’ve been swept by the Shaq-Kobe Lakers. Fight me if you want.
INSTAGRAM COP GETS MILKSHAKE DUCKED
There may be no more cursed yet entirely predictable headline in 2019 than “Instagram Cop Gets Milkshake Ducked.”
I assume some of my readers don’t have online brain poison rotting their brains, so they might be asking “What in the Hell is a Milkshake Duck and why are you using it as a verb?”
Allow me to present one of the diamonds among the cesspool cacophony that is Twitter dot com, the app I check religiously:
When I discovered the Instagram account of Officer Anthony Johnson under the quaint alias @ohnoitsdapopo, I had grave concerns because I’m always suspicious of people in self-promotion mode 24/7.
Of all the “good cop” porno posted to the account, the photo that stood out the most featured Officer Johnson with a statue of Martin Luther King Jr, an ancient ally of police and stringently enforced law-and-order policies:
This was the second most hilarious one:
It’s effective propaganda. Suburban people love cops quoting Lincoln on character.
See, they say, how could the Columbus Police Department be a racist, unaccountable gang when it employs this one guy who just did the latest middle school dance move with Black children. Not all cops are bad!
Maybe not. But Anthony Johnson, the dancing cop, is not a good cop. We go to the Southeast side of Columbus on Friday night.
From Rob Sneed of nbc4i.com:
Officer AJ Johnson, also known as the dancing cop, is seen on cell phone video pushing and hitting a man while on duty.
So many in the community saw this video and have concerns about racism and excessive police force. Others think the officer did the right thing.
The video has sparked outrage on social media. It has many people upset.
“So many in the community…. Others think… The video has sparked outrage. It has many people upset.”
That second paragraph is a pathological performance of passive voice required to present “both sides” to the public as if the only people who can’t see what happened in that video are cops and racists.
A viral cop sucker-punches an unarmed man on camera, and this is the only local write-up in a city with a metro area of 2 million people.
Did city elected officials have anything to say about the latest minority abuse? The kind that forced Chief Kim Jacobs into early retirement? (Here are some upcoming community forums to help the city (hopefully) hire a new chief from outside the department.)
No. They didn’t. Officer Johnson went from Instagraming every interaction where he didn’t shoot a child to only posting this hilarious inspiration meme when people called him out and asked him to defend himself:
Nothing will stop the larger, shotgun-wielding professional sucker punched a smaller, unarmed man, from saying that, actually, I am the victim here. It’s Bad Cop Playbook 101.
The sad thing is this started with firecrackers. They would never go into a middle-class neighborhood and force people out into the streets. But they can get away with that shit in poor neighborhoods because elected Columbus officials are too cowardly to say one bad thing about a cop doing one bad thing on camera.
Meanwhile, we pay these guys $85K a year to stand around and act tough while their buddies pancake a black man into the pavement in front of his friends and neighbors.
We gotta do better, man.
OHIO FLUSH FOR THE NEXT TIME COCAINE-ADDICTED BANKERS MELT THE WORLD ECONOMY
Good news: Ohio is doing so well that instead of spending our tax dollars on services, which is what taxes are for, we’ve paid billions into a savings account on which taxpayers earn no interest.
From Jim Provenance of toledoblade.com:
COLUMBUS — Fueled by robust personal income and sales tax collections in May, Ohio’s coffers through the first 11 months of the fiscal year have overflowed by nearly $617 million, a figure that will likely fuel debate over how much of the surplus should be spent or given back to taxpayers.
…
Through May, the state had collected 3 percent more in tax revenue than it had projected, with May alone coming in nearly $65.7 million, or 3.1 percent, ahead.
To date, personal income taxes have come in $298.4 million (3.8 percent) above projections; auto sales taxes $54.5 million (4.1 percent) ahead; and other sales taxes, $170.1 million (2.1 percent) ahead.
Those are the major drivers of Ohio’s tax revenue.
Governor DeWine has already said he has no plans to squirrel away any excess revenue, as predecessor Gov. John Kasich consistently did. The so-called rainy day fund now holds an unprecedented $2.8 billion.
Ok, sure, I get it. We need some cash set aside for the next time the dope hounds of Wall Street get loose and unleash another drug and poverty epidemic wave on America. But do we need $2.8 billion? I feel like if Ohio is down a billion dollars we should just torch the place the ground and move to Belize.
DEMOCRATS LEAD THE WAY ON RAPE LAW REFORM
Did you know it’s legal in some scenarios for a husband to rape his wife in Ohio? It’s true. And while Governor Mike DeWine and Attorney General Dave Yost are looking for the “right way” to bringing Ohio’s sexual assault laws from the 19th to 21st century, Democratic women already have a plan for that.
From Liz Skalka of toledoblade.com:
Four Ohio lawmakers are introducing legislation they say would modernize Ohio’s rape code, eliminating the 25-year statute of limitations for sex crimes as well as spousal exemptions for rape and sexual offenses.
The legislation is sponsored by Democratic leaders in both the state House and Senate, and comes after Republican Gov. Mike DeWine and Attorney General Dave Yost called for similar reforms in the wake of a damning report commissioned by Ohio State University investigating a former doctor accused of sexually abusing student-athletes.
“For years, Democrats have initiated legislation calling for an end to the statute of limitations for offenses of rape,” said Sen. Nickie Antonio (Lakewood), one of the sponsors.
Given the previously voiced support from DeWine and Yost, I expect them to fall in line behind the women who boarded the train 25 stops ahead of him.
WINNERS TELL SHIT-TALKING LOSER TO CUT THE SHIT TALK
Listen, I love shit talking in sports. Hell, I love shit talking in general. (Banter, baby, it’s the drug we love to know.)
But I draw the line with former Michigan and current New England defensive end Chase Winovich. Coming into last year’s game, you would have thought Winovich had actually beaten Ohio State once in his career.
The Buckeyes quickly confiscated his lunch money.
Turns out shit talking without producing results doesn’t get you far in the NFL.
From Jarrett Bell of usatoday.com:
A cynic might suggest that Winovich underwent a virtual lobotomy upon the orientation in New England, scrubbing him of any trace of bulletin board material.
In other words, put a lid on it, kid.
“I wouldn’t say ‘put a lid on it,’ but you have to be a little more strategic,” Winovich, 24, told USA TODAY Sports. “Turn the dial back a little bit. It’s just a matter of playing football now.
Winovich, you see, was an accomplished-but-mouthy sort at Michigan. He had the audacity to refer to archrival Michigan State as the Wolverines’ “little brother” after a victory last fall. A few weeks later, he called a 62-39 thumping from Ohio State “a mirage,” drawing the ire of Buckeyes Nation.
It may seem harsh but it’s true: I wouldn’t mind if Chase Winovich died without ever seeing another Michigan win over Ohio State. He shouldn’t have been talking shit!
HEY, HONEY, LET’S GO TO URBAN’S
Bob Evans canned Urban Meyer, but unlike championship football players, you can’t keep a championship college football coach from profiting on his likeness for too long.
Our big boy, Urban Meyer, now owns a Pint House.
From Dan Hope of elevenwarriors.com:
Corso Ventures, a Columbus-area restaurant group, announced Saturday morning that it has partnered with Meyer to open a new restaurant, Urban Meyer's Pint House, in the Bridge Park district in Dublin, Ohio.
The restaurant will be modeled off of the Short North Pint House, located in the Short North Arts District in downtown Columbus, but will be double the size and include "Urban's 7-0 room," a private event space commemorating Meyer's perfect record against Michigan, according to a press release. The new restaurant will also host events for the Urban & Shelley Meyer Fund for Cancer Research.
“When Corso Ventures approached me with this unique opportunity to partner with
their elite restaurant and hospitality team on a Pint House in Bridge Park, it was a no-brainer,” Meyer said in the press release. “Not only does Urban Meyer’s Pint House allow me to stay attached to the central Ohio community, but it will also make the perfect space to host events supporting our foundation.”
They couldn’t have picked a better location than Dublin for Urban Meyer’s twist on Applebee’s. I love the commenters saying, “Oh! Sounds like a thing a future USC coach would do!” as if Dublin alone won’t support the restaurant because they see Meyer as a God. And if they don’t, I’m sure Urban won’t have a problem shuttering the dump and moving to Los Angeles on a record-breaking deal from USC.
My prediction is the food and service will be much akin to Eddie George’s Mediocre and Overpriced Grille. (No offense, Eddie, but it’s true.)
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