Drunken Ohio Man on Flight to Miami No Match for Mighty Duck Tape

Maxwell Berry's parents' $2 million couldn't save him.

You might be expecting a decisive hot take on the OH-11 Special Congressional Election that took place yesterday. Unfortunately I’m of the age where my lovely girlfriend spending a night with her friends means I go to bed at 9:15 p.m. rather than 10.

As of this writing, Shontel Brown looked poised for victory. If that holds, congratulations to Cleveland…