On Ohio's Problems
Why do so many people think it's a shit place to live? It's hard to say...
Yesterday I ventured over to the racist and classist hellhole that is r/Columbus where I saw a post entitled, “Why do you think it’s a commonly held opinion that Ohio is a shit place to live? What would you tell someone to get them to see it differently?”
My first thought was, well, how much time do you have? All day? Cool. Help me unfurl this 300-pound scroll that lists my grievances with the state that is actively trying to kill me.
On one hand, I subscribe to the idea that “everywhere sucks,” meaning that every locale has its own set of problems. No place is paradise, otherwise everyone would live there. (That said, I would move to Colorado tomorrow if I had the financial means not to live in squalor.)
No, I’m stuck in Ohio for the foreseeable future, and having spent most of my adult life here, I think I am qualified to weigh in on the original question.
Ohio has two problems. The first is it’s not a tourist destination. Sure, there may be some rollercoaster perverts who made the hajj to Sandusky to go to Cedar Point, but nobody has ever heard somebody say, “I can’t wait for my vacation to Cleveland.” And I say that as somebody who has nothing but love in my heart for Cleveland. The same holds true of any other big city in the state. This is also where I mention that Ohio is the largest state in the country without passenger rail service.
Ohio’s second problem is political. Yes, Republican lizard people who run this state dream of turning the Buckeye State into fascist enthostate where everybody worships at the altar of White Jesus. They have no other policy ideas than criminalizing abortion, cutting taxes for the rich and allowing any idiot off the street to carry a concealed murder weapon on their persona.
As such, this leads to young people with dreams of living outside some backwater outpost to leave the state in droves. I have multiple friends who have left for greener pastures and none of them regret it. Not even a little bit.
It’s easy to place the blame on Republican hobgoblinery. But when you mention their failures, you also have to mention the failures of Democratic leadership in our urban centers.
Cleveland could be Portland On The Lake. Instead its local machine is fabulously corrupt, and the same can be said about Columbus, Cincinnati, Dayton and Toledo. In fact, somewhat shockingly, Columbus is the only city on that list that hasn’t had a public official indicted on corruption charges in the last two years. (Fingers crossed that ends soon.)
Their public schools are almost as degraded as the infrastructure and public transit systems, though that can also also be blamed on the Republicans in the state government who don’t believe in any of those things.
All our cities are racially and economically segregated in a way that would make Jim Crow smile with pride. And the dirty secret is that most wealthy liberals have zero problem with that. Take German Village in Columbus, which went roughly 80% for Joe Biden. Go try to build an apartment complex there and their populace will instantly become indistinguishable from a MAGA chud ranting about “the border.”
So, other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?
Ohio is a great place to live if you’re a White Jesus worshipper clutching to guns and religions in our rural hinterlands or a liberal who can ensconce themselves in wealthy neighborhoods where their kids don’t have to mingle with the hellion spawn of “those people.” Life must be grand for them, all things considered.
The main point I have with selling life on Ohio is it’s a fine place to live precisely because it’s not a tourist destination. The last thing you want is about of assholes with no responsibilities invading your town, jacking up the prices on everything while riding around town on one of those bicycle bars, and then returning to their faraway land only to be replaced by some other asshole who will treat your land as a place where petty laws hold no power over them.
The cost of living is decent, though that’s rapidly changing for Columbus—the one metro area surging in growth. Coastal elites are flooding to our sleepy cowtown because they think $1,8000 for a two-bedroom apartment along High Street is a deal of the century. Hopefully I’ll be living in Cleveland, a proper Ohio city, sooner rather than later.
But the other main selling point — and this is a big one! — is Ohio is positioned about as well as anyone other than Michigan when it comes to the impending climate apocalypse that our geezer overlords have no interest in solving because they’ll be dead long before the consequences of their actions come due. Not saying the Great Lakes Region will be a climate haven—far from it, actually—but I’d rather much be living here than any other region in the country.
Will that stop the rich from coming in and taking our land and resources for themselves? Absolutely not. Our government will probably activate the National Guard to aid in that quest. But at least we won’t be dying in 150-degree heat like the unfortunate souls in Arizona.
Lastly, people only think Ohio is a boring, flat state because their only experience in the state is driving on our shitty highways which are only dotted with fast food joints and gas stations.
Contrary to popular belief, we also have one of the best state park systems in the country. It’s worth checking out unless you’re like me and prefer to spend your free time hunched over your pocket computer sending out every psychotic thought that crosses your brain on Twitter to the horror or internet strangers who can’t look away.
That’s it. That’s the pitch. Ohio certainly isn’t the worst state in which to live, especially under the impending climate crisis. But its national reputation as a backwater hellhole? We could cry and say it’s mere propaganda from coastal elites. Or we could take a look in the mirror and realize there’s an uncomfortable amount of truth in the stereotype.
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