Plagues upon them

"DO NOT STAY HERE! EVERY ROOM HAS A SWARM OF ROACHES."

Assistant to the Regional Manager Phil Plummer (R-Vandalia) and Speaker Matt Huffman (R-Lima).

Politicians being in the pockets of monied special interests isn’t breaking news to the average American.

But it’s on that cliché in which these guys operate. Sure, Democrats do it, too. But when it comes to Ohio, it’s a Republican problem from the top down.

You won’t see it on their social media feeds or press releases, but this week, far from the prying eyes of any of their constituents, access to the upper echelons of the Ohio House of Representatives will be on the auction block in Longboat Key, Florida:

World Atlas dubbed Longboat Key the safest Florida town for “Senior Living.” Hopefully local law enforcement has been versed in the crimewave headed its way.

For a better sense of the town, we turn to The Rooster’s Florida correspondent:

A therapist from my past life said, “Water always finds its own level.” That appears to be the case with the House Republican Caucus choosing to vacation in “LBK” over any other place in the world.

Click the image to join the most feared cabal in Ohio politics.

You can join them if you have between $15,499.69 (the maximum donation allowed by law) to $1,000 burning a hole in your pocket:

Speaker Matt Huffman (R-Lima) didn’t invent the “Winter Warmer.” That came under his mentor, former Speaker William Batchelder and once-influential House megadonor Virginia Ragan.

Ragan and her last protogé, former Speaker Cliff Rosenberger, then elevated the annual event to a new level that every succeeding Speaker has replicated.

A lobbyist recently described these events as “booze-fueled.”

That turned out to be an apt description since two weeks ago, at the Senate retreat in Fort Lauderdale, a well-placed source said a Dominion Energy lobbyist got so drunk he stumbled back to the bar at 1 a.m. in nothing but his boxers before disappearing into the night. He wasn’t located until the next day, when he had flown back to Ohio early.

According to a source, the event is expected to include the House Republican leadership team and every committee chairperson. Roughly 24 memebers, give or take.

And that’s probably the worst part about our state government other than the reactionary politics. Most of these freaks don’t even have the decency to be interesting, which is why they seemingly can’t think of anywhere else than the west coast of Florida to vacation.

Click the image to join the most feared cabal in Ohio politics.

The lobbyists that will attend already have more access to legislative leaders than 99 percent of the population. But that’s not good enough! Huffman has to whisk them away to Florida for three days to shake them down further as if he needs the campaign money in a state where gerrymandering already decided the result in 75 percent of House Districts.

It should be illegal. And it will be when I’m governor in 20 years.

In the meantime, at least they’re staying in an LGBTQ+ friendly hotel, The Resort at Longboat Key, where we can only hope they’re forced to deal with a drag queen convention this week:

The Resort at Longboat Key Club is a 4.5-star rated, $996-a-night (before taxes) establishment.

But that’s not going to stop me from cherrypicking the best of the one-star reviews from TripAdvisor and Google to hopefully put some voodoo on this particular hobgoblin convention.

All of them are presented in their beautiful, albeit somewhat gramatically incorrect, syntax.

Wait until their fellow guests see what kind of bugs from Ohio are invading their resort later this week.

We have been coming here for years and have had nothing but good stays. Since Opal has taken over, this place has not lived up to its high standards. Opal management does not care about cleanliness. We had a giant Palmetto Bug (Cockroach) in our garbage and found smeared nasal waste on the side of the bed clearly visible.

Bugs and more bugs

We were very excited to stay here! Had one of the extra large 2 bedroom units with tons of room and views galore! The first night our grandkids had a lot of black ants in their bedroom so the guy came and sprayed it but sadly when we all woke in the morning there were more ants actually crawling on their beds and in their coloring pads. YIKES!!! Then we started to make coffee a roach fell out of the vent area onto the counter. TRIPLE YIKES!!!

Priced like a luxury resort, but it's not even close

Where do I begin? The Soviet-era architecture and design? The HVAC unit in the room that sounded like a freight train - all night!? The front desk clerk who told me I'd be charged for a hair dryer when I called to say my room didn't have one - not even subtly implying I must have stolen the one that was there. And yes, I say front desk clerk since no one, not once through the entire trip, EVER answered the guest service line. And good luck in finding any shade anywhere at the pool or beach should it be even a little bit windy. In fact the overall attitude at the resort is that everything is set up for the convenience of the staff - not you. Oh, and all for the privilege of paying them over a thousand dollars a night!! If Holiday Inn service and amenities at a Ritz Carlton price is your idea of luxury, The Resort at Longboat Key is the hotel for you!

DO NOT STAY HERE! EVERY ROOM HAS A SWARM OF ROACHES, THEIR FOOD IS RANCID (I had to go to the hospital after my stay!), AND THEY NICKEL AND DIME THEIR GUESTS FOR EVERYTHING EVEN AFTER THEY’VE SPENT THOUSANDS ON THEIR ROOM. THEY’RE AWFUL PEOPLE!!

We had a very bad experience here. We started off with food poisoning from being served rotten shrimp....and all they did was confirm that it was in fact bad and gave us a coupon for a free drink. After that my mother ordered a drink with no lime because she has a bad allergy to lime, and of course she took a sip and there was lime in it. Her eyes swelled and she was sick the rest of the night.

A palmetto bug is a cockroach

On the second day of our stay, I found a cockroach crawling on the nightstand. I trapped it and reported the issue to the front desk. When the front desk staff were arranging a new room for us, they were rude and disrespectful. They were not apologetic at all, rather dismissive and flippant. I was told, it’s just a palmetto bug and it’s not that big of a deal. To be clear, a palmetto bug is slang for cockroach.

When we checked out, we brought the issue up again and also how we were treated by the front desk staff the day we reported the issue. Again, we were treated disrespectfully and gaslighted about it being “just a palmetto bug.” They know their building is infested with cockroaches and are doing nothing about it besides gaslighting their guests and being rude to those who report cockroaches in their room.

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BEWARE, ROOM DESCRIPTION "BEACH VIEW" MAY MEAN A VIEW OF POOL INSTEAD

BEACH VIEW ROOMS MAY BE AT POOL AND NOT RELAXING OVERALL. Room description for beach front rooms do not mention you may be over pool. Our room was three floors above the pool, beyond are palm trees and then the beach. The room was advertised as Beach View. In the hotels response below, the GM description is inaccurate. This further exemplifies the problem with this place. They are totally disregarding language in describing room. Upon complaining to the front desk, we were met with deflections. I asked to speak to Manager and was presented with Burt, the Front Desk Manager. He cut me off twice as I tried to convey my experience. As I tried a third time to share, he picked up his radio and started calling "Security".

Bullied by front desk manager

Can a front desk manager ruin a 5 day stay at a beautiful resort with an otherwise friendly, always accommodating and professional staff? Unfortunately yes.

I spent 5 days at the Resort on Longboat Key. When I brought up a midnight disturbance that I previously reported to a front desk manager, she initially became very defensive and then aggressive. “This conversation is over” she said. I asked to talk to a supervisor, in an attempt to deescalate, but she refused and told me she is the supervisor!

Horrible, absolutely horrible!!! Stay away!!! Motel 6 would have been much better. Major plumbing problems, the bath water from the next room poured into our bathtub, the toilet bubbled throughout the day and night, front door deadbolt did not work, we had to use a chair to secure the front door. Neither lock on the patio sliding door worked in our room, sliding door in living room area only one lock worked. Air conditioner did not work. Dresser drawers did not slide out properly, hanging off balance after opening. We have video of the dirty water pouring into our bathroom from the adjoining room, the security guard tried unsuccessfully to fix the AC, locks, etc.

We can only hope that the “palmetto bugs” of Longbeach Key have received their marching orders and are ready to unleash a plague unseen since the Old Testament.

Bonus points if the surly front desk manager bullies Speaker Huffman to the point he cries about eating rotten shrimp from his beach-view room that actually overlooks the raging drag queen festival at the pool.

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