Pray for Ohio Farmers
Earthquake shakes Cleveland, Ohio the last state without health education standards, and more.
Let’s check how 2020 “frontrunner” Joe Biden is doing….
If we nominate Biden, I’m moving to Cuba to get a lobotomy. You guys would still read Ohio news produced from a braindead white boy laying on a tropical beach in a Communist utopia, right? It wouldn’t actually be much different from today’s product.
RAIN IS GOOD FOR FARMING BUT ONLY TO A POINT
The farmers of the 80th District of Ohio didn’t vote for me in mass, yet I still walked away from the battle with a deep respect for Ohio’s farming community, which is organized from the top down.
I’m in awe at the labor farmers put into their land. Yes, big corporate farms turn massive profits, but there are many smaller farms run by families that have been farming the same ground for five generations.
Regardless of size, farmers across the state are in peril due to the historic rain we’ve seen.
From David Sess of wkbn.com:
(WKBN) - Farmers had a nice, dry weekend but there's still work to do. The Ohio Farm Bureau said this has been the worst planting season since it started tracking planting progress in the late 1970s.
Wayne Greier has been busy trying to get crops in the ground. He had time to work before, but the weather hasn't cooperated.
"Every time the field just gets ready so that we can go, we get another inch of rain," he said.
After a dry weekend, he figured the crops aren't even 50% planted yet.
Just a third of Ohio's corn crop had been planted as of a week ago. In normal years, farmers in the state would have nearly all of their corn fields planted.
"We can put in a lot in a little bit of time, it's just getting Mother Nature to cooperate," Greier said.
The crop insurance deadline to plant has passed. That means every day now, farmers lose a certain percentage of coverage. So they either need a bumper crop or they're going to lose money.
This is why I could never be a farmer. If I had to work 20 hours a week, let alone 20 hours in a day, I’d say “fuck this, kids, we’re going to Wendy’s.”
But maybe the Earth is trying to tell humanity something about our destructive habits? It’s hard to say….
EARTHQUAKE SHAKES CLEVELAND, AND WE AIN’T TALKING BROWNS
When I pictured an earthquake in Cleveland, I imagined it coming after a Super Bowl when when Cleveland breaks off the main continent, drifts through Lake Erie, and then invades Canada and renames it “Browns Town.”
Sadly, the real thing isn’t as cool as my mental illness fever dreams.
From Amanda Schmidt of accuweather.com:
An earthquake was recorded in northeastern Ohio on Monday morning. The preliminary magnitude 4.0 earthquake was centered just north of Eastlake, Ohio, according to the United States Geological Survey (USGS).
There were no reports immediately of damage. A magnitude 4 earthquake can cause light to moderate damage.
The USGS is collecting responses from people who felt the tremors. Over 8,000 people reported feeling the earthquake so far. The majority of reports rate the intensity as weak to light, USGS reports.
The event occurred in a region that is not typically associated with high seismic activity, and many resident contacted local emergency officials after the shake. The City of Mentor said that the dispatch is "overwhelmed with 911 calls," but that they "are waiting for the experts to affirm what was probably an earthquake here."
Starting to worry about our friends in the Ohio Tourism Bureau.
Welcome to Ohio, where we have tornadoes, earthquakes, and perpetual rain that prevents farmers from planting crops!
At least we have a state government that can see us through these Biblical times.
OHIO THE LAST STATE WITHOUT STANDARDS FOR HEALTH EDUCATION
Ohio is a state that does not believe in investing in the health of its people unless we’re talking about a six-celled embryo in the uterus of a woman who doesn’t yet know she’s pregnant.
And for such a pro-life state, we’re the only state without standards for health education.
From Catherine Candinsky of dispatch.com:
Despite facing some of the highest rates of drug overdose deaths, infant mortality and obesity, Ohio is the only state without standards for health education.
And health is the only subject required for a high school diploma that lacks state guidelines for what students should be taught.
Some want that to change.
Legislation by Rep. Beth Liston, a Dublin Democrat and a practicing physician, would require the state to create standards for what knowledge and skills students in kindergarten through 12th grade need to be healthy. A similar bill was introduced in the Senate.
“We face so many challenges,” Liston said, pointing to rising rates of suicides and tobacco use among teens.
I started this newsletter to cure my depression and spread propaganda about Ohio. In less six months I’m now depressed about Ohio.
Republicans will probably shoot this bill down because it reeks of “big government,” which they only hate if it’s not coming from them:
“That is often discussed” … by lazy curmudgeons like Antani. He forgot to mention that when taking the shitbag’s license on passive voice.
WEED DEMON TOO ROWDY FOR WEED FESTIVAL
Comfest, an annual Columbus gathering featuring weed smokers, freaks, and weed-smoking freaks that smells like a pit of dirt, stale beer and ass sweat, apparently booked a show that’s too rowdy for the family-first weed gathering.
From Andy Downing of columbusalive.com:
On Sunday, June 9, ComFest posted a statement to its official site announcing that two bands scheduled to play this year’s festival — Unchipped and Weed Demon — had been removed from the bill at the demand of ComFest’s insurance company, which, according to the fest, would not have provided the required assault and battery coverage had either act been allowed to perform.
“Without this coverage, ComFest would not be able to get the necessary permits to operate at all, and would be cancelled,” the statement read, in part. Both bands were informed early last week that there might be an issue with their appearance at the long-running local festival, and representatives from each met with a group of ComFest organizers on Sunday to discuss the decision, according to multiple people interviewed.
…
“With some heavy music, there is a stigma surrounding it, for some reason, because people are energetic and there might be moshing or crowd surfing, but our style of heavy music is quite the opposite,” said Holland. “Our songs are all nine to 12 minutes long, and they’re slow, plodding, heavy songs. It’s not something that really works you up.”
I would rather listen to my grandparents have sex for 30 minutes than listen to those four white guys with questionable facial hair in the header photo create noise for nine to 12 excruciating minutes. That’s not a joke.
Kudos to the name Weed Demon, though. That’s bad ass.
MENACE 2 SOBRIETY STRIKES BACK
After our last dustup, I had blissfully forgotten about disgraced former Ohio State wide receivers coach and his podcast.
That ended yesterday when a Twitter friend mentioned Smith had dubbed me “Twitter Tough Guy of the Week” for something I said in March.
I suffered through 32 minutes of the megalomaniac rantings of Columbus’ most infamous divorced dad to get the part where he had the audacity to call me a “reporter” multiple times.
He bungled routine facts while gloating over my election loss (I lost by 47, motherfucker! Not 51!) and that time I conspired to rob a weed dealer in Montana (a story I hope to publish this week).
Anyway, the time for potshots is at an end. It’s time to meet this bully on the playground at high noon.
I don’t think he’s going to like what comes next.
THOSE WMDs. Victims of storage wars: Losing everything at auction… How Kawhi Leonard steals so many rebounds… How the CIA operated under the watchful eye of the KGB… Chao created special path for McConnell’s favored projects… Reading rededicates “Doughboy” statue, one of the country’s oldest WW1 monuments.