Happy President's Day from The Rooster!
Here's the definitive list of the best presidents from Ohio.
It’s Presidents Day in America, which is probably our weakest federal holiday. Most of our presidents were blood-soaked alcoholic war criminals with a fetish for licking the boots of the richest, most reactionary elements of our society.
But, on the other hand, some of them were from Ohio! And while, technically, this is an off day at Rooster Worldwide LLC, I wanted to provide the definitive list of the best and worst presidents to hail from the Buckeye State.
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No. 8: William Henry Harrison (North Bend, Ohio)
William Henry Harrison, the ninth president of the United States, has the dubious distinction of being the first weakling to croak in office. He died of pneumonia, the politically correct way of saying “a cold,” a mere 31 days into his first term.
I think we should cut him from the lists as he drags down Ohio’s presidential average across the board.
No. 7: William McKinley (Niles, Ohio)
The main skill of William McKinley, the 25th president of the United States, was plundering Spanish colonies from a dying empire.
His defense of the gold standard was typically reactionary nonsense of the era before he was gracefully assassinated by Leon Czolgosz, an anarchist, in Buffalo, New York.
No. 6: Rutherford B. Hayes (Delaware, Ohio)
Rutherford B. Hayes, the 19th president of the United States, was the second president elected via the slave-owner math that is the Electoral College after losing the popular vote.
He was elected on the condition of ending Reconstruction early, which was a major policy decision that can be traced to most of our societal ills today.
He also sent the Army to break the Great Railroad Strike of 1877.
His childhood home in Delaware was demolished for a BP gas station. Good riddance to bad rubbish!
No. 5: Benjamin Harrison (North Bend, Ohio)
Not sure I could do better than this intro from the Miller Center:
Coffee-table history books depict Benjamin Harrison as a lightweight puppet of political party bosses. He is often viewed as little more than a "human iceberg" who sleepwalked through the presidency.
As the Miller Center later notes, however, the Harrison presidency wasn’t marked by any cataclysmic wars or failures, which makes him an average president compared to his colleagues from Ohio and elsewhere.
No. 4: William Taft (Cincinnati, Ohio)
William Taft has the distinction of being the fattest United States president, which is admirable considering he lived before the invention of junk food.
Historians say the man ate a 12-ounce steak for breakfast every morning, which goes a lot further than me with any sort of docile policy he pushed between the presidencies of Theodore Roosevelt and Woodrow Wilson.
Taft, from one of the greatest political families in Ohio if not the greatest, also has the noted distinction of being the only person to ever serve as president and Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.
No. 3: Ulysses S. Grant (Point Pleasant, Ohio)
Give Grant this much: He soldiered through the Civil War despite being one of the drunkest men in the United States Army. No small feat!
He’d be No. 2 for that alone if not for his alter advocacy of amnesty for Confederate leaders, another grave mistake in this country’s history.
No. 2: James Garfield (Moreland Hills, Ohio)
Garfield came from squalor to become the 20th President of the United States, which is more than you can say about most of his nepotistic colleagues.
Garfield was as strong on the abolition of slavery as he was on Black suffrage, even going as far as appointing Black men to his administration.
Unfortunately, he was shot by an assassin with a gun his killer bought in hoping it “looked good in a museum.” Had Garfield been shot today, he would have been back on his feet in a day or two.
But in 1881, he succumbed to his injuries months later.
No. 1: Warren G. Harding (Marion, Ohio)
Longtime readers of my work know that I would be under duress if I ever named Warren Gamaliel Harding as anything less than the No. 1 President of all time.
He won his election in a landslide and invented the art of sexting beautiful women. Sadly, his wife conspired to kill him and after his death, the fake news media exposed numerous so-called scandals perpetrated by the unqualified friends and political allies to which he had appointed to high-ranking posts in his cabinet.
His memorial in Marion is the largest presidential memorial outside of Washington D.C. Frankly, it should be bigger.
THOSE WMDs. How a slain Las Vegas journalist helped capture his killer… Three days with God’s Army, the truck convoy that failed to save the border… A loophole got a New York man a free hotel stay for five years until he tried to claim he owned the building… My husband is two years older than my son… The working woman’s newest life hack: Magical mushrooms.
Excellent list! Thanks!