Who had the bright idea to go sober during a global pandemic? My god I’m a fucking idiot. Day 1 felt like 48 hours, and I’m supposed to believe these motherfuckers blessed with an equilibrium of brain chemicals do this shit for weeks and months at a time? God help me because I’m going to need it.
Did you know the Confederate snake John Wilkes Booth, a failed 26-year-old actor, woke up hungover one day and heard Abraham Lincoln was going to perform that night at Ford’s Theater, one of his most familiar haunts, and said, “OK, bet.”
Anyway just something I’m thinking about for no reason. What were we talking about? Oh yeah, how 63 million Americans voted to elect the dumbest, most grotesque man this country has ever produced in the modern era.

His fans are the same ones not taking the pandemic seriously. Florida governor and noted Trump stooge Rick Scott only ordered his dipshit residents indoors yesterday. Texas and Alabama, two other Republican bastions, have yet to even take that step.
We also are the country that had the genius idea to tie healthcare to employment because poor people deserve to die from diabetes on account that they’re poor. That’s fine and well when the make-believe thing we call “the economy” is firing on all cylinders and mashing poor people into blood and dust for the rest of us to profit off.
It’s a little different during a global pandemic that could send 30% of the nation’s workers to the bread line. Of course President Business Deals and his reptile cabal do not give a shit. They would rather let people go uninsured during a pandemic than advertise President Obama’s milquetoast healthcare policy that Republicans have spent three years undermining.


Absolute ghoul mentality. And in my eyes, this is stone cold murder of innocent people whose only demands are “access to affordable healthcare” that is only attainable to us for one month a year for some fucking reason that escapes me (thanks, Obama!).
For comparison, here is Fidel Castro administering some affordable healthcare to a member of General Fulgencio Batista’s death squad:

Yes, it’s true. Every Communist leader has blood on his hands. Like Chairman Mao said, revolution ain’t a dinner party.
But at least they did their dirty work themselves, with their own hands. Our presidents are all Ivy League-educated sociopaths who have never fired a pistol for anything but a campaign ad.
They also have blood on their hands due to having no objection of bombing brown and/or poor people across the world to keep our insane military-industrial complex on the tracks.
George W. Bush lied our nation into an $819 billion war in Iraq that killed over 500,000 Iraqi civilians and 4,500 Americans. Michelle Obama considers him a friend and said, “Our values are the same.” Her husband listed Parasite as his favorite movie in the same year he spent kitesurfing with Richard fucking Branson.
President Business Deals would not give a shit if I contracted coronavirus and succumbed due to me battering my lungs with marijuana smoke 98% of my waking hours since May 2004. The man doesn’t even want me to have access to affordable healthcare. Fuck you and die like the uninsured pig in a gutter, he says.
Meanwhile his criminal son-in-law should be charged with negligent homicide at worst the minute he leaves the White House.


Go watch Dirty Money: Slumlord Millionaire on Netflix. It’s basically about how this miserly elf squeezed blood out of poor people to cobble together a shitty real estate empire built on graft. It is so infuriating that I hope we don’t abolish the death penalty until he gets his day in court. He belongs in a prison cell just like his father.
I try to remember that the American government doesn’t represent our people… just the selfish idiots that elected them to office in the first place.
I do take solace knowing there are geniuses like Dr. Rishi Salai, who graduated from UCLA in microbiology at the age of 18:
Doubt Fox News will make that mistake again. Though all the corporate cretins that sponsor this propaganda network can take solace in knowing they have already misinformed millions of Americans.
MIKE DEWINE IS ABOUT TO LEARN A LESSON FROM VOTERS HE COURTED HIS WHOLE CAREER

When I ran for Statehouse in 2018 out in Western Ohio, I discovered a certain strain of Christian preacher. I called, emailed and texted damn near every church I could find to try to meet with their leader. Not to try to persuade them into progressivism, but just to see what Democrats could do to better help their congregations, etc. It’s a space the party ceded long ago to horrifying effects.
Those MAGA motherfuckers stonewalled me. One offered to do a forum with me and my opponent. I don’t think he expected me to readily agree because that conversation ended as soon as I did.
This isn’t shitting on all Christians. I like Jesus — especially the part where he scourged the moneychangers and said a camel has a better chance of getting through the eye of a needle than a rich man does into heaven.
However, there is a certain type of Christian — the type Mike DeWine has courted for years — who view science as the Devil and will gladly keep holding public gatherings of elderly people hanging out in crowded spaces hours at a time. (One prominent preacher in Pennsylvania is threatening to hold a “Woodstock-like” event on Easter to protest the stay-at-home order.)
Sounds like DeWine is coming for these rebels today, and I for one will have my popcorn ready to see how this unfolds.
From Doral Chenoweth III of dispatch.com:
Holding church services this Sunday “is not a Christian thing to do” says Ohio Gov. Mike DeWine. He was addressing Solid Rock Church in Butler County, which has continued to hold services in spite of the coronavirus outbreak. DeWine spoke at the Wednesday, April 1, 2020 coronavirus news conference at the Ohio Statehouse.
This strain of Christian truly believes they are the most persecuted group in America. The GOP and the Religious Right erected an entire movie industry around the idea.
I have a feeling DeWine is going to look back and realize that former Arizona Senator Barry Goldwater had a point about this issue back in November 1994:
"Mark my word, if and when these preachers get control of the [Republican] party, and they're sure trying to do so, it's going to be a terrible damn problem. Frankly, these people frighten me. Politics and governing demand compromise. But these Christians believe they are acting in the name of God, so they can't and won't compromise. I know, I've tried to deal with them...
There is no position on which people are so immovable as their religious beliefs. There is no more powerful ally one can claim in a debate than Jesus Christ, or God, or Allah, or whatever one calls this supreme being. But like any powerful weapon, the use of God's name on one's behalf should be used sparingly. The religious factions that are growing throughout our land are not using their religious clout with wisdom. They are trying to force government leaders into following their position 100 percent. If you disagree with these religious groups on a particular moral issue, they complain, they threaten you with a loss of money or votes or both. I'm frankly sick and tired of the political preachers across this country telling me as a citizen that if I want to be a moral person, I must believe in 'A,' 'B,' 'C,' and 'D.' Just who do they think they are? And from where do they presume to claim the right to dictate their moral beliefs to me? And I am even more angry as a legislator who must endure the threats of every religious group who thinks it has some God-granted right to control my vote on every roll call in the Senate. I am warning them today: I will fight them every step of the way if they try to dictate their moral convictions to all Americans in the name of 'conservatism.'"
Do you know what kind of right-wing politics you had to have to frighten a guy like Goldwater? The man would have gleefully led this nation into nuclear war if the resulting world’s ashes were barren of communism.
Those are the kind of people that DeWine will be dealing with. Good luck to this man!
DAVE YOST DAWG CHECKS FORMER FUNDRAISERS FOR ISIS

Hobby Lobby is an evil corporation. We knew that when they blocked birth control for their employees. We remembered it again when they got caught paying ISIS for thousands of stolen artifacts.
Billionaire owner David Green, a man who wears his Christian faith on his sleeve, told his employees the Hobby Lobby would remain open since his wife had a vision from God their stores would remain safe from an insentient pathological virus.
Wisconsin, Colorado and Ohio rightfully told Hobby Lobby to go fuck themselves and shuttered their business by banning non-essential business.
Bethany Biron of businessinsider.com reported earlier this week that Hobby Lobby would re-open their stores since they considered themselves “essential retail.” And now these shit birds are forcing me to praise the decisiveness of Ohio Attorney General Dave Yost:


If I were worth $6.3 billion like Green who claimed to be a Christian, I would simply use like 5% of my wealth and pay my employees’ salaries through the pandemic. I think that’s what Jesus would want me to do.
I guess that’s why I’m not a billionaire, though.
WON’T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE LANDLORDS?


Jesus Christ, Nan. Have you ever met a landlord? 97% of them aren’t “flexible” and “understanding.” They’re literally the one group of people who think their income should stay the same regardless of economic conditions. There are thousands of them across the state getting ready to evict people as soon as courts open.
From Paige Pflegler of radio.osu.org:
Franklin County has placed a moratorium on evictions until May 11. Landlords can still fill out the paperwork to get the process started, but they won’t be able to remove tenants from properties for not paying rent.
"It’s up in the air if the moratorium will be extended, whether any rent forgiveness is going to be coming," says Rachel Wenning of the Columbus tenant’s union. "But that’s a real problem: You have moratorium but rent is still racking up. So in the end when the moratorium is lifted, if we owe three or four months of rent, how are we going to come up with that amount when people are already rent burdened?"
Plus, Wenning adds many landlords will still charge late fees, which compound over time.
"This is going to be a wake-up call for many landlords," she says. "That their income is fully dependent on the labor of those who live in their units, and when there is a massive downturn like this, their income can dry up as well."
Rachel Wenning is a name to watch in progressive Columbus circles. She knows the score better than anyone in this town, and if God hadn’t abandoned us long ago she would be the mayor instead of that fink Mayor Ginther.
But I can’t come down too hard on Ginther when the state government is also playing with kid gloves on this issue:
Last week, Lt. Gov. John Husted urged banks to be forgiving of landlords because of the difficult position they are in.
"If you own an apartment complex that, say, had 32 apartments and eight people couldn’t pay, well the person who owns that apartment complex will not be able to pay their mortgage and could be foreclosed upon," Husted said.
Our government is asking the banks. Italy said fuck you, banks, mortgages aren’t a thing until we square coronavirus.
Can we do that?
From housingwire.com:
Homeowners in Italy are seeing many of their bills suspended – including mortgages – as the country deals with the coronavirus pandemic, and now other European nations are considering similar moves.
Is a “mortgage holiday” coming to America?
The short answer is: probably not. Most American mortgages are packaged into bonds with legal terms that dictate what the servicers who handle the billing can and can’t do. There are ways servicers can offer forbearance – an agreement to let borrowers either pay at a lower interest rate or suspend payments temporarily because of a hardship. But it’s on a case-by-case basis.
“Somebody owns those bonds,” said Mark Vitner, a senior economist with Wells Fargo. “Who is going to make those interest payments?”
Wells Fargo should have been broken up a decade ago. They are a legalized crime outfit that simply pays their way out of jail, so I’m not shocked when “senior economists” whine about who will make the interest payments.
Gee, I don’t know, Mark. You might have a point if the federal government couldn’t print money. Your bank loans out make-believe money every day, for example.
Unfortunately that’s “socialism” to the powers-to-be in our government. Meanwhile Corporate America and their lobbyist sharks are already salivating at getting into the pool for small business loans.
REPUBLICANS WILL INFORM YOU ABOUT THE FIGHT AGAINST CORONAVIRUS FOR $250

Meet State Senator Stephanie Kunze. She better enjoy her part-time job that pays $60,000 a year because she’s going to get her ass kicked in the fall by Crystal Lett. That was true even before Kunze decided to join some harebrained scheme to fundraise off exclusive COVID-19 information???
From Darrel Rowland of dispatch.com:
For those of you worried sick that politicians might not be able to raise campaign cash during a pandemic, never fear.
Three Ohio senators and the Cuyahoga County Republican Party have found a way in this season of social distancing: charging admission for a “virtual legislative briefing” this week on the coronavirus outbreak.
And it will only set you back $250 to hear Republican Sens. Stephanie Kunze of Hilliard, Theresa Gavarone of Bowling Green and Kirk Schuring of Canton share “what to expect in the coming months” in the state’s battle against COVID-19.
No wonder so many Ohio Republicans have to eat at the trough of Big Business. They clearly don’t know how to fundraise any other way.

THOSE WMDs. Stop trying to be productive… France is putting domestic abuse victims in hotels after reports spike 30% during lockdown… Iceland’s testing suggests 50% of coronavirus victims show no symptoms… A ventilator stockpile with one hitch: Thousands don’t work… The Yankee Commandante: A story of love, revolution and betrayal.