RIP Frank LaRose's Senate campaign

It's dead before he even declared. All that's left is to laugh at what's to come.

Broward County, Florida, is currently underwater in what meteorologists are calling a “1-in-1000-year rainfall event.” It’s the second-most-populous county in the state and home to Fort Lauderdale, where Ohioans love to vacation.

Usually, natural disasters affecting major metropolitan areas are of interest to a state’s governor. But Florida Governor Ron DeSantis hadn’t even called the mayor of Fort Lauderdale by Thursday afternoon because he was in Ohio trying to sell books.

DeSantis has all but declared for the presidency, which is tough considering he’s a socially stunted nerd with about as much charisma as a cum-stained sock.

While DeSantis desperately tries to present himself as Trump’s heir, Republican voters have already consolidated around Trump after his indictment. As a result, DeSantis’ team is currently working behind the scenes to prevent any more of Florida’s Congressional delegation from endorsing Trump.

Ohio is Trump Country, as we saw in the last two presidential elections, but also when Trump single-handily tipped the scales for J.D. Vance, the hillbilly cosplayer, in the 2022 Senate race. Nobody is stopping that train in the Buckeye State.

That’s why Bernie Moreno, the Cleveland-area car dealer and noted Bitcoin freak, had the sense to skip the Akron event featuring Trump’s chief Republican rival.

Trump has already all-but-endorsed Moreno, who has since declared:

State Senator Matt Dolan (R-Cleveland), who once again will spend his family’s money running for The Real Senate, made the hajj to Akron to kiss DeSantis’ ring. That makes sense for him; he’s a sentient Patagonia vest, and he’s already carved his lane as a “sensible Never-Trump moderate.” He will lose to Trump’s candidate as he did in his last race.

Then there’s Ohio Secretary of State Frank LaRose. He has yet to declare his run for Senate, but it’s the worst-kept secret in Ohio politics that he’ll enter the race to unseat Democratic Senator Sherrod Brown.

LaRose is from Summit County, so he would probably have been at the annual local Republican event anyway. However, he sent a shot across Trump’s bow by personally introducing DeSantis:

LaRose campaigned as a sensible moderate in 2018, but he’s been a partisan hack the entire way. Not that readers of The Rooster need a refresher course on any of that.

But where is LaRose going to go in this Senate field? Dolan has the moderate lane. Moreno will have the Trump lane. They are both multimillionaires who have already proven they will spend their own money to win an election.

LaRose won’t have that luxury. He’s a troop, sure, but he’s not charismatic. And frankly, a lot of Republicans hate him as much as any Democrat.

LaRose has also thrown in with the Center for Christian Virtue in their efforts to knee-cap the proposed Abortion Rights Amendment. His team undoubtedly thinks that work will play well with Holy Rollers—maybe even more so if abortion rights get enshrined in the state’s constitution this fall.

But again, Evangelicals worship at the altar of Trump! Josh Mandel found that out the hard way when he bragged about running his 2022 Senate campaign through Ohio’s churches. He only carried 11 of Ohio’s 88 counties and lost to Trump’s candidate, too.

No reason to think LaRose’s impending campaign will go any differently, especially with Trump campaigning for the presidency at the same time.

LaRose will pay a lot of consultants to tell him a lot can happen between now and 2024. Trump could die! (He’ll live to be 118.) The IRS could indict Bernie Moreno for tax fraud! (We’re not that lucky.) Republican voters will come to their senses once they hear LaRose on the stump! (LMAO.)

LaRose will become the latest in a long line of ambitious but otherwise unremarkable candidates who boosted Trump’s presidential campaigns only to be cut in half by the buzzsaw they helped create.

You almost feel bad for the guy! Almost.

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