Rooster: Browns Hype Building
Householder undercuts Tax Hike Mike, save the date for the 21st annual Pawpaw Festival, and more.
The more I rewatch Game of Thrones — maybe you’ve heard of it — the more I’m convinced the final shot will be the Night King sitting his frosty ass cheeks on the Iron Throne. Every other character is either a psychopathic mass-murderer or engages in casual incest.
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I HOPE I SURVIVE UNTIL THE UNDEFEATED BROWNS WIN THE SUPER BOWL
NFL free agency begins next with the Browns sitting $70 million under the salary cap limit, the fourth-highest number in the league.
There used to be a time, not long ago, when giving the Browns that much petty cash would’ve inevitably ended as well as a drug addict winning the Mega Millions. That changed with the hiring of general manager John Dorsey, a ruthless football operator willing to frame the signing of a serial woman-beater as a moral reclamation project.
While Dorsey’s free agency plans remain unseen, wide receiver Jarvis Landry took a break from recruiting recently released stars like linebacker Mark Barron, defensive back Tyrann Mathieu, safety Landon Collins, and safety Johnathan Cyprien to laud the general manager that rescued him from the rustic shores of Miami and brought him to the balmy beaches of Lake Erie.
“The sun shines in Cleveland,” Landry declared in his recruitment of Collins, which instantly vaulted him over the mercurial Josh Gordon as my favorite Browns receiver since 1999. NFL players are starting to realize Cleveland as a destination city.
Thanks, Baker Mayfield.
HOUSEHOLDER UNDERCUTS DEWINE’S MINIMUM INVESTMENT IN ROAD SAFETY
[Image via @plunderbund]
Governor Mike DeWine’s first State of the State speech almost ended before it began when House Speaker Larry Householder, the largest adult son in Ohio politics, tripped over Dewine’s elf-elevation stool.
Jokes aside, DeWine read off a teleprompter and talked about “investing” in clean water standards, Lake Erie cleanup, and infrastructure. However, his true commitment to these causes can’t be known until the governor presents his budget.
Until then, legislative leaders remain leery about how DeWine will fund his programs.
From Jim Siegel of dispatch.com:
Asked about concerns about the potential price tags for DeWine’s plans, including cleaning up Lake Erie and other waterways, “until we see a proposal with a number, we really can’t comment too much,” Householder said.
Obhof also said he is awaiting details from DeWine and expected revenue projections for the next budget. “We will have a budget process to air all those things out.”
…
“I’ve waited a long time to hear a speech like this at the State of the State,” said Senate Minority Leader Kenny Yuko, D-Richmond Heights. “The governor today was talking about an opportunity for everybody. We’re not going to pick and choose who gets a good education.”
…
“The governor struck the right tone. He had a wonderful message that was hopeful, but we need results,” [House Minority Leader Emilia] Sykes said. “We agree with the governor that everyday Ohioans have real concerns about the future, but we need a dramatic course correction in the state of Ohio.”
The Department of Transportation, on the brink of bankruptcy thanks to mismanagement under John Kasich asked DeWine for $1.6 billion to secure the state’s roadways. DeWine proposed an 18-cent gas tax hike, which would raise $1.2 billion for roadway repair and construction.
Householder nixed that idea last night.
From Jessie Balmert of cincinnati.com:
House Republicans on Tuesday night proposed increasing Ohio's 28 cent-per-gallon gas tax to 38.7 cents, phased in over three years. The first increase would come Oct. 1: a 5-cent increase. Diesel fuel would be increased by 20 cents and also phased in.
House lawmakers also proposed an annual $200 fee on electric vehicles and $100 fee on hybrids. They axed DeWine's plan to index the gax tax increase to inflation going forward.
Their proposal would bring in about $872 million per year once fully phased in – not the $1.2 billion DeWine requested. The state keeps 60 percent of gas tax revenue; local governments get the rest.
…
"Let me assure you that I am taking a minimalist, conservative approach, with this being the absolute bare minimum we need to protect our families and our economy," DeWine told lawmakers in his first State of the State address. (He spent about a third of his 45-minute speech on the topic.)
Welcome to Ohio, where ostensibly pro-life legislative Republicans look at a bare-minimum investment in family safety and say, “This ain’t it, chief.” (DeWine rightfully rebutted by calling the 10-cent tax hike “grossly inadequate.”
Not to mention… taxing hybrids and electric cars is a gift to the oil industry that’s not a coincidence given the fossil fuel industry’s power in the Statehouse.
At least the state will save money on the production of license plate by matching Kentucky and Indiana in only requiring cars to display a plate on the back bumper. And it’s hard to quibble with outlawing the attachment of skateboards to the back of vehicles. (Shoutout to the patriots that put that problem on lawmakers’ radars.)
SAVE THE DATE: THE PAWPAW FESTIVAL
[Note: The graphic is from the 2018 festival.]
Ohioans love to live their entire lives in the state without any menial travel outside their geographical region. I’m no exception.
Today, I learned three things:
Ohio naturally grows a fruit called the pawpaw.
Ohio has a Lake Snowden.
Ohio has an annual Pawpaw Festival at Lake Snowden.
From atlasobscura.com:
Every year, on a September weekend, the campgrounds adjoining Lake Snowden in Ohio become the favorite haunt of lovers of the pawpaw, the United States’ largest edible native fruit. The Ohio Pawpaw Festival, which completed its twentieth year of operation in 2018, is an annual celebration of the fruit that resembles a mango (the larger ones look like unripe papayas) and, some say, tastes like banana pudding.
Attended by thousands every year, the pawpaw festival is packed with activities. It isn’t uncommon to happen upon a group of ukulele players next to some hula-hooping children, or folks playing Jenga while others dance to a live band. There are competitions for the best pawpaw art, and several cook-offs for the best foods and beverages made with pawpaw. Vendors and pawpaw farmers hold presentations to educate visitors about this cherished fruit, including details on how best to grow it.
The athletically-inclined can engage in some competitive spear-throwing, while children enjoy a variety of rides and games. Many people come dressed in their finest pawpaw costumes.
If you have an event where I can drink beer and throw spears around children, buddy, I’ll be there.
The 21st Annual Ohio Pawpaw Festival goes down Sept. 13th through 15th. Can’t wait to celebrate the Browns moving to 2-0 before passing out in a stranger’s tent.
COTA WORKS
Here’s an interesting video showing the COTA bus network on a typical day. Imagine what we could accomplish if the state wasn’t beholden to the fossil fuel industry and invested in mass transit.
DEMS DRINK COGNAC AND BRANDY; REPS SIP BOURBON
[Click here to enlarge image]
Welcome to 2019, where Brands have enough data to profile your political preferences down to your choice of tipple.
From Joshua Green of bloomberg.com:
Democrats will be heavy consumers of cognac and brandy, both favored by African-American drinkers, who overwhelmingly lean left. Mexican beers such as Corona, Tecate, and Modelo Especial are also popular with Democrats, especially those who don’t turn out regularly on Election Day—that is, they’re popular with young people, whose turnout numbers lag behind older groups. And because Heineken drinkers are concentrated in the Northeast—not friendly territory for Republicans—they, too, skew Democratic.
Republicans have an entirely different alcoholic profile. “They’re big bourbon drinkers,” Feltus says, “and bourbon is most popular in the Republican South.” GOP voters also tend to be older than Democrats and therefore more likely to be paying more attention to their expanding waistlines, which explains why a watery light beer like Michelob Ultra is the most Republican-skewing drink on the chart. Miller Lite, Coors Light, Bud Light, and Busch Light aren’t far behind. (Feltus says this trend is also evident among nonalcoholic drinks: Republicans are also big consumers of diet sodas.)
Republicans loving Michelob Ultra is hilarious. The only funnier choice would have been Bud Lime.
ALLEGED CRIMES ASIDE, THAT’S A GREAT NAME FOR A BAR
Journalism students… this is an example of a buried lede.
From cantonrep.com:
CANTON – Police said they raided a suspected after-hours bar early Sunday morning and confiscated alcohol, weapons and drugs.
City police executed a search warrant at the 4th Quarter Bar, 1649 Harrison Ave. SW, at 3:20 a.m. and found about 70 people at the business. State law requires bars to stop serving liquor after 1 a.m. or 2:30 a.m., depending on the permit.
According to police, the 4th Quarter Bar has been operating as an after-hours bar without a license and has generated “many criminal complaints” from residents in the area over the past several weeks.
Hard to believe the geniuses that coined “The Fourth Quarter” needed a criminal enterprise. That name alone should have been enough to ensure stable streams of money. Who wouldn’t want to go to the Fourth Quarter? It’s always going down during money time.
Anyway, kudos to the brave cops who chose to make a display of a couple hundred dollars. I’ll sleep easier knowing seven guns and tiny bags of crack are off the street.
THOSE WMDs. The Sinola Cartel’s “El Mayo,” Mexico’s last capo… Restaurant in Tokyo staffed with robots controlled by paralyzed people… Federal disaster money favors the rich… Social-justice personality Eugene Gu has a history of abuse… Joe Biden’s biggest 2020 problem is Joe Biden… The oppression of the super majority… How do you raise a boy?