Rooster: Beware the Fair Rides

Polluters could benefit from inane deregulation bill, OHSP ticketing for dodging potholes, and more.

Bad news for freeloaders: I developed a special bond with the paid subscribers that kept me out of the real world.

My business consultant, The Starcat, advises that I lock Monday, Wednesday, and Friday dispatches.

I concur it’s bad business to lock two posts and give away three. Starcat wants me to lock Wednesday immediately, which I won’t.

Instead, I offer the drifters one more free Wednesday before I require a basket of money in exchange for midweek insights.

If you don’t want to pay the iron price, expect to hear from my mercenary army. As you can see from that video, my goons know how to hit. Don’t lose your dignity on World Star when you could have paid as little as $6 a month.

MORE PEOPLE COULD’VE DIED ON CARNIE RIDES AT THE STATE FAIR

My mother had two takes I detested as a child::

1. Blocking Channel 27 (MTV) on the tube TV in the family den

2. Banning carnival rides

In retrospect, my mom knew the score.

My childhood crush, Singled Out host Jenny McCarthy, evolved into a militant crusader against vaccines.

Carnival rides proved to be loosely regulated death traps when a malfunction with “The Fireball” killed two Ohioans and injured six others during the first day of the Ohio State Fair in 2017.

Inspectors evaded paying for their negligence.

The Columbus Dispatch reported in July 2018 that nothing in the inspection process of fair rides had changed.

Given that, it’s unsurprising the State Fair avoided another calamity last summer when regulators ignored a safety warning from the manufacturers of The SkyGlider.

From the Associated Press, via wosu.org:

The [Dispatch] found that fair officials last year withheld from inspectors a manufacturer's letter from December 2017 that warned canopies above chairs on the SkyGlider ride were "starting to fall apart" because of corrosion and should be immediately repaired. The SkyGlider received a clean bill of health from inspectors before the fair opened in 2018.

"We want the public to know that this is on our radar," said Pelanda, a former state representative appointed by Gov. Mike DeWine in January.

A state fair spokeswoman told the newspaper that nothing was done last year to address potential problems with the ride because the manufacturer's president died shortly after issuing the warning.

Spokespeople should be identified by name in the press, if only to hold them accountable when they shovel shit like, “We ignored safety warnings out of respect for the dead carnival ride operator” and expect us to eat it.

That the Inspectors who ignored the warning weren’t immediately sacked makes clear the state has no interest in addressing the core issue. Any parent henceforth that lets their children on carnival rides is committing an act of gross negligence.

DUMBASS LEGISLATION COULD BENEFIT POLLUTERS

Larry Obhof, a sentient basket of bland breadsticks who also happens to be the president of the state senate, pines to serve at the altar of Big Business by cutting 30% of the state’s regulations.

How did he arrive at this number? Nobody knows, but Obhof has pushed the proposal as his No. 1 priority because he only answers to the most radical voters of his gerrymandered district.

The proposal, you might be surprised to learn, won’t benefit working people.

From Kathiann M. Kowalski of energynews.us:

A broad proposal in Ohio to slash state regulations by 30 percent across the board could further tilt the playing field against renewable energy by relaxing rules on utilities and fossil fuels.

Supporters see Senate Bill 1 as a way to create an ideal business environment in the state, while opponents say it would threaten many rules that are essential to protect Ohioans, including environmental rules, regulations for utilities, the state fire code and a host of other requirements.

Utilities and mining companies are expected to be among the biggest winners if the legislation makes it into law. Among other things, the bill could stymie adoption of new environmental rules requiring fossil fuel operations to control emissions more. At the same time, it could relieve fossil fuel plants of some of their current obligations if those rules get eliminated.

Ohio Republicans push abortion bans and guns to create the static that provides cover for servicing their Big Business overlords in peace.

If you asked most Republican voters on the street, they would probably be against more pollution as long as it didn’t involve President Galaxy Brain dumping barrels of toxic waste into the local water source.

Republican voters allow their leaders to push for more pollution because they deliver on gun rights and unconstitutional abortion bans.

In return, creatures like Obhof see themselves as geniuses, when in reality they’re little more than carnival barkers willing to pander to people’s worst instincts in exchange for invitations to corporate cocktail parties.

PRESIDENT BUSINESS DEALS TO STEAL FROM OHIO MILITARY PROJECTS TO FINANCE HIS RACIST MONUMENT

My mediocre son will one day ask how a New York City billionaire gameshow host with early onset dementia won an election on the promise of making Mexico pay for a racist border wall. I’m not going to have an answer for him other than, “A significant of Americans value their racism above all else, bro.”

And here we are in 2019. President Golden Tee is desperately pandering to his base of grotesque trolls by stealing money from the troops.

From Jack Torry and Jessica Wehrman of dispatch.com:

WASHINGTON — About $112 million worth of planned Ohio military construction projects are in the pool of projects that may lose funding so that President Donald Trump can help finance a wall on the U.S.–Mexico border.

The list of potential cuts, which was released Monday by Senate Democrats, could impact the first installment of a long-coveted intelligence center at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base near Dayton as well as smaller construction projects at Camp Ravenna, Mansfield, Toledo and Youngstown. Trump has declared a national emergency in order to redirect federal dollars already approved by Congress for other uses to wall construction.

The overall pool of projects — which comes from fiscal years 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019 — totals $12.9 billion, which is far more than the $3.6 billion in military construction dollars that Trump has said he would need to help build his wall. The list is of projects that have not been contracted out, and not all would be affected.

“We know President Trump wants to take money from our national security accounts to pay for his wall, and now we have a list of some of the projects and needed base repairs that could be derailed or put on the chopping block as a result,” said Sen. Jack Reed of Rhode Island, the ranking Democrat on the Senate Armed Services Committee.

Wright-Patterson and the Mahoning Valley went bigly for Trump in 2016. I’d like to think those voters will look at this brazen theft and vote the other way in 2020.

However, Trump wasn’t lying when he said he could shoot a man on 5th Avenue and not lose support. His voters will pull whatever mental gymnastics required to place the blame at someone else’s feet.

If he can steal from military projects and build a wall over the objection of Congressional majority, well, there’s no reason to think he will go peacefully into the night if he loses in November 2020.

MAN LIVES EVERY BAR PATRON’S DREAM BY STABBING TWO BOUNCERS

Standard Hall is a great place in the Short North to watch Heisman winner Troy Smith get wasted on Ohio State game days, which is surprising when you consider the Hall is owned by a racist who bans “blacks and rap music” from backroom rentals.

Despite the systemic discrimination, a fracas popped off on St. Patrick’s Night that led to the stabbing of two bouncers.

From 10tv.com:

According to Columbus police, responders got called to Standard Hall shortly after 9 p.m.

They say a man stabbed two bouncers who were escorting him out of the bar. They were taken to Ohio State University Hospital in stable condition.

Police are still searching for the suspect and have not released a description at this time.

I need to hear the story from somebody other than the Columbus police. Bouncers are the most power-drunk people on the planet. I can easily envision a scenario where a patron stabs two bouncers in self-defense as they attempt to manhandle him out of a venue.

And do you know what kind of wizard you have to be to stab two bouncers in the Short North and escape Columbus’ surveillance panopticon? The suspect likely works for the CIA.

LOOKS LIKE A CASE FOR THE FIRE DEPARTMENT

“Insurance fraud” is my first thought when I see fires this big.

From Jarrod Clay of wvah.com:

POMEROY, Ohio (WCHS/WVAH) — About 70 firefighters from five fire departments responded to a large overnight fire at the former Midwest Steel/Mountaineer Metals building in Pomeroy.

If the blaze isn’t linked to insurance fraud, every #teen within a 25 mile radius should be arrested and waterboarded. The tactics may sound harsh, but that’s the only sensible response. Fires that big don’t just leap out of the ground.

OHIO’S CHOICE: WRECK YOUR CAR IN A CRATER OR GET TICKETED

Every Ohioan loves to know the game of dodging a crater on the highway while driving six to seven miles over the speed limit (allegedly).

Potholes, though, aren’t the only predator on the roads. The State Highway Patrol will gladly ticket any erratic driver, regardless if a gaping pot hole spurred their evasive maneuver.

From wtvr.com:

The Canton woman has been steering clear of the massive craters since her car's struts and sway bar were recently damaged by one. She was already saving up money for the repairs.

Now, the ticket could cost her an additional $150 to $250.

“I get that I did something I wasn’t supposed to do, but at the same time if the potholes weren’t as bad as what they are I wouldn’t have to swerve as much as I do,” said Corns.

This past Sunday she was driving on W. Tuscarawas Street in Canton, near Dueber Road, when she said she swerved “a little” into the turning lane to avoid several large holes.

A state trooper immediately stopped her.

“She was like, 'Hey, you know, I pulled you over because you were going left of center. Like, what’s going on? Have you been on your cellphone?’ I was like, 'No, actually, I was dodging potholes,'” said Corns.

The trooper gave her a ticket, and in the remarks area wrote the following: left of center, dodging potholes, vehicle opposite direction.

Legal advice from someone without a law degree: Take that shit to trial! Anyone who has driven more than five miles in Ohio will relate to dodging potholes. It ain’t like the State is speedily reimbursing the residents who saw a crater mangle their car.

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