How to create one million bloggers with mental health issues

Are you enjoying the show? Refill your popcorn. You'll love this next part.

As you may have heard, a handful of State Troopers arrested me at the Statehouse on a warrant out of Lake County on Monday afternoon.

I spent 23 hours at the new Franklin County Corrections Facility on Fisher Road, charged with a first-degree misdemeanor of telecommunications harassment. While the facility is fairly new, it is by no means nice, or clean.

I was eventually released with a bag of snacks and a prepaid debit card for $5, which can’t be used to directly purchase a ride on a COTA bus, even if a route did run on Fisher Road. It was yet another reminder of the stranglehold car culture maintains on Columbus.

I was treated with professionalism by State Highway Patrol and corrections officers throughout the saga. A saga which, sadly, would have transpired even longer if I were the drug-addicted bum living underneath a bridge that some of my powerful enemies think I am.

Much more of this story will be revealed in time. Until then, here’s the official statement from Rooster Worldwide:

The official statement from Rooster Worldwide LLC.

I originally planned to publish a longer dispatch as usual on Wednesday, but that notion seemed to be the product of adrenaline after my release.

As of this writing, at roughly 9:23 p.m. ET Tuesday night, I am physically and mentally exhausted. Rather than force my sleep-deprived brain to further contemplate the horrors, I am instead going to enjoy the comfort and serenity afforded by Hilltop Husband’s bed.

The Rooster will resume its normal publication schedule on Thursday at 4:33 a.m. with the boots-on-the-ground content its readers have come to love and know.

In the meantime, we’re passing the hat for the Freedom Defense Fund, because these lawyers won’t be compensated by gazing upon my movie-star good looks.

If you feel inclined to assist in this noble quest, you can donate through:

• Venmo

• PayPal

Or, for the freeloading hogs in the parking lot, you can purchase a subscription for a front-row seat to the many battles to come.

That powerful cabals conspire against The Rooster is perhaps the most significant endorsement of the work.

THOSE WMDs. Online trolls harassed her six-year-old; it was only the start… My students can’t read… A bracing and eccentric epic of espionage and hippos… The FDA’s gamble on America’s drugs… Nuclear fatality at Wood River Junction.