Rooster in Review: Absconded to Paris

The Rooster will resume normal publishing next week.

Folks, I did the only sensible thing after pulling a scam on a high-ranking government official like Frank LaRose. I left the country and am currently writing this dispatch from Paris, a relatively unheralded city in the country of France on the continent of something called “Europe.”

I am jet-lagged and have only slept about two hours in the last 48 in travel. And frankly, I don’t want to waste your time with a dispatch that would almost assuredly contain more typos than to which you’ve grown accustomed.

Besides, I’m sure we’re all still riding the high of Ohio’s hog voters sending the state’s Republican Party to Hell for the second time in three months. But don’t worry, the Bust Ups at the Statehouse will continue as soon as I’m back next week.

We’ll resume the normal publication schedule on Monday. Until then, enjoy your tranquility in the Workers Republic of Ohio. We have earned it.

This week in Ohio Man…

A cool feature of American life is that you can be enjoying a nice night in your house and some idiot can drive their car through your living room.

That exact scenario has happened to some poor Ohio Man four(!) times since he’s owned his home.

From fox8.com:

ELYRIA, Ohio (WJW) – An Ohio homeowner is frustrated after his home was hit by a car for the fourth time since he’s lived there.

Dennis Campanalie, of Elyria, remembers waking up around 2:30 a.m., just moments before a speeding car crashed into his truck, car, preventative landscape and home. It was the fourth crash into his home in 30 years.

Before the crash, an Elyria patrolman heard screeching tires. The officer found a red Dodge vehicle at a nearby Speedway gas station and approached to question the occupant.

The driver eventually began to flee from the officer, who was partially leaning inside the vehicle and subsequently dragged a short distance.

Stuff like this isn’t a coincidence. It’s not an act of God. It’s terrible road design. Even if a suspected criminal fleeing police caused this accident, I doubt that was the case in the other three accidents.

If this happened to me in a city the size of Elyria, I would make it. my personal vendetta to haunt the mayor and city council until they changed the rode design in front of my house. Stuff like this isn’t normal in other countries!

This week on The Rooster…

• Frank LaRose’s Miami County Captain is a Christian catfish. Recapping how your favorite deranged communist blogger became a campaign captain for Ohio’s leading Republican Senate campaign.

• Ohio’s hog voters did the damn thing. Recapping a wild night that ended with Governor Grandpa Sleepy Tea seeing his political career end with Ohio enshrining abortion rights and legalizing weed.

As always, be sure to follow The Rooster on Twitter, TikTok and Bluesky for all of Ohio’s depravity, all the time.

THOSE WMDs. A secret war, new wounds, and silence from the Pentagon… What a second term of President Business Deals would look like… My high school’s secret fantasy slut league… Here’s what the droves of Californians moving to Texas are finding… 11 actors who asked for their character to be killed off.