Rooster in Review: Elon Musk Owes Columbus $350,000

One of his idiot fanboys drove one of his idiot cars through our Convention Center and did six-figures in damage.

Photo by Richard Lai on Unsplash

As you might have seen, an idiot in a Tesla put their nerd chariot through the Columbus Convention Center at roughly 80 miles per hour. The video must be scene to believed. Make sure to take note of what happens to that concrete planter in front of the convention center, too:

The Rooster @rooster_ohio

@TheWarOnCars The video is nutso.

We know a little more about the circumstances of that crash, though Columbus police have released zero details on the sobriety of the driver, their identity, or if their Tesla did that thing Teslas are wont to do by accelerating into fiery crashes on a whim.

From Cole Behrens of dispatch.com:

Columbus police said the crash occurred around 12:30 p.m. when a white Tesla, reportedly driving at a high speed eastbound on Vine Street crossed North High Street, struck the curb in front of the Greater Columbus Convention Center and went airborne.  The vehicle crashed through a glass exterior of the convention center and plowed into a meeting room area inside.  

[…]

The authority estimates $250,000 to $350,000 in damage including to the drywall, the sprinkler system, power lines, carpeting and wall coverings.

The most surprising part of the story is the driver was transported in stable condition from the scene. They must have gotten lucky with one of the few Teslas actually put together in decent fashion, unlike most of them.

It shouldn’t even be possible to own a car capable of going 80 miles per hour, let alone in city limits. This is America, though, so that won’t be changing anytime soon and the best we can hope for is that the driver loses their license for life; though that’s no great deterrent from people getting behind the wheel again.

Regardless, if the driver doesn’t have “destroyed a meeting room at a sold-out convention center” insurance, the money should be taken from Elon Musk. He won’t miss it, and he’s at fault for this accident, too. That theory might not hold sway in the court of law, but it’s what The Rooster believes.

Some thoughts on Ozark’s season finale… Skip this section if you do not want explicit spoilers for the final season of Netflix’s Ozark.

***Last warning***

Ozark has always been on the “pretty good” show tier for me. Something we’ll gladly binge but would never place it in the pantheon of elite shows like The Shield, The Wire, Breaking Bad or The Sopranos. The finale justified every suspicion about why the show would never clear that bar.

We understand Ruth Langmore had to die. But, my god, they turned one of the most calculating and ruthless characters in the show into a bumbling simpleton in her finale moments. It’s not like she didn’t just have another cartel sicario hunting her in the previous episode! Now she’s getting out in the rain with no gun to check out a running luxury SUV with no driver outside her property? Please. To give such a legendary character such a stupid death is an insult we take personally.

While The Rooster respects Ozark’s final thesis that people like the Byrds win in America every single damn day… the much more brutal and honest finale would have been Camila Navarro and her brother, Omar Navarro, bamboozling the FBI into freeing Omar from custody and then murdering the Byrds in cartel fashion at their coronation event at the casino.

This week in The Rooster:

• The Rooster attended a Josh Mandel Rally so you don’t have to. We also learned that it would have been rather easy to assassinate a sitting U.S. Senator.

• Every circus comes to an end. A look back on the one funny moment and gutter-like lows of the Ohio Republican Senate primary, the most expensive primary in state history.

• Put a fork in Mandel. May Mandel’s humbling third-place finish keep him from ever returning to politics.

• We let a Republican steal another judgeship. There should be no local Republican elected officials in Columbus. Not even lifetime Republicans turned sudden Democrats like Judge Judy Lynch.

• God damnit, Ohio Democrats are betting on the suburbs again. The national paper of record, The New York Times, parachuted two reporters into Ohio. They bungled basic facts about our state’s politics while swallowing every ounce of J.D. Vance’s propaganda.

And remember, you can always follow The Rooster on Twitter.

THOSE WMDs. Charles Ramsey has a goal… Two Ohio State students die from apparent overdoses… The rise of the social vampire… The true story of Dogstar, Keanu Reeves’ mediocre ‘90s rock band that toured the world… “People probably want to kill us:” An oral history of Aqua’s Barbie Girl.