Rooster in Review: Hogs run wild
Months after hog voters ran wild at the polls, the Ohio Legislature moves against their feral brethren.
There’s a famous tweet from a simpler time in Twitter history for which a poor man got dragged as a typical gun-fucking American psychopath.
It seemed insane to most people that anyone would need an AR-15 to defend against 30 to 50 feral hogs running into their yards within three to five minutes while their small children play.
But you know what? There may not be a Main Character more vindicated by history than Mr. McNabb.
Unfortunately, what makes feral hogs dangerous to Ohio’s ruling class is also what makes them a threat to everyday citizens and their private property. Hogs aren’t known for their critical thinking skills.
From Laura A. Bischoff of dispatch.com:
Ohio lawmakers are worried about feral pigs becoming an even wilder problem and want to nip it in the snout.
The Ohio House passed House Bill 503 in a unanimous 89-0 vote on Wednesday, which would prohibit bringing wild pigs into the state and allow landowners to shoot them without a license and require them to report the harvest to state officials.
Co-sponsors of the bill warn that Texas already spends more than $320 million on its feral hog mitigation program and Ohio does not want to follow suit. Wild pigs' foraging and wallowing habits cause soil and crop damage.
I spoke with State Rep. Don Jones (R-Freeport), the chairman of the House Agricultural Committee, on Wednesday.
We touched on the bane of wild hogs, the viral tweet, and the conspicuous timing of going open season on hogs after the Republican Party’s recent run of embarrassing statewide results.
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This week in Ohio Man…
Ohio motorists made multiple headlines this week. One guy shot at multiple cars on a freeway near Detroit. Another got arrested for flashing a loaded gun in a road rage incident on I-77.
But the winner of this week’s dubious distinction is a 39-year-old man who had a trip to Maryland derailed by a lack of emotional control.
From the Shore News Network:
WEST FRIENDSHIP, MD – Maryland State Police arrested James Wells, a 39-year-old Ohio resident, this morning following a road rage incident on Interstate 70 in Howard County. Wells was charged with first-degree assault after allegedly pointing a paintball pistol at another driver.
The confrontation occurred around 9:30 a.m. west of the West Friendship Scale House on I-70 West. The victim, who reported the incident to the Maryland State Police from the Waterloo Barrack, described a tense encounter with the driver of a blue Chevrolet passenger car, later identified as Wells. He alleged that Wells aimed what appeared to be a firearm at him during the altercation.
I think the only thing more embarrassing than going to jail over a road rage incident would be not even pulling a real gun during the fiasco. But Wells clearly knew what he was doing in that moment and meant to convey the threat of a real pistol. I can’t say I have too much sympathy for him.
A guy with a temper like that shouldn’t be on the road in the first place, and I say that as someone who also fit that bill until I had the sense to take antidepressant medication.
This week in The Rooster…
It was another brisk week of business at Rooster Worldwide LLC:
Wealthy schools have a duty, too. Upper Arlington should tell Lieutenant Governor Jon Husted to get bent—for the good of Ohio’s public school students. (The Golden Bears Redemption Arc continued the next day when the Board voted 3-2 to join the coalition of public schools suing the state to end the scam voucher system.)
Elections have consequences, as they say. State Senator Michael Rulli (R-Salem Twp.) is off to Congress despite two electoral underperformances, with additional commentary on the Upper Arlington School Board’s seismic vote.
Comedy ain’t legal in the State Senate. The Rooster goes viral twice in a week, Rep. Al Cutrona (R-Canfield Twp.) heads to the State Senate thanks to a hobgoblin summit, local police fulfilling records requests for specific license plates, your dentist bill will soon rise, and more!
As always, thank you for your readership! It’s the honor of a lifetime to turn my mental illness into entertainment for strangers.
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