Rooster in Review: Join the Patriots Caucus at 50% off!

Here's your chance to join The Patriots Caucus at a steeper discount than next week's sale.

If The Rooster didn’t sell another subscription until 2024, this year would still be record-setting for this humble operation.

But what my capitalist overlords have taught me is that you can never have too much profit!

As such, I’ll be launching a membership drive next week with a week-long sale. Something like 33 percent off.

But for those already smart enough to subscribe to The Rooster on at least the free level, I’m offering a 50 percent discount to join The Patriots Caucus right now:

The perks come with three dispatches every week, complete access to the archives, and a discounted price on the hoodies that I’ll be rolling out by the end of this month.

My advice is to strike while the iron is hot! Deals like this don’t come around every day.

This week in Ohio Man…

The Washington Post recently revealed that Ohioans have similar life expectancies to residents of Ecuador and Slovakia, two countries not renowned for their opulent wealth.

There are many reasons for that as covered in the article, but one reason is the amount of stupid ways you can die in Ohio. I read about one such death this week. Out of all the ways to die, breaking into a vape store in New Delhi, Ohio (population: 28,000) ranks near the top as one of the dumbest ways to go out.

But that’s exactly what happened to one Ohio Man!

From Felicia Jordan of wcpo.com:

When police got to the scene, they found a man dead inside the shop.

Two people called 911 about the shooting. The first reported a disturbance and said she heard a woman screaming.

The second 911 caller identifies himself to the calltaker as the owner of the shop.

"Somebody broke in the store and somebody got shot," said the man.

He told the calltaker he was on his way to the shop, but he'd learned one of his employees was the person who fired a gun.

"Do you know who shot him?" the calltaker asked.

"My worker," said the man. "He was protecting himself, the guy broke in.”

It’s strange to me that the worker was in the shop at 1 a.m. at the time of the break-in, but I guess that’s the risk you run in Ohio when trying to burglarize a vape shop. You never know who is behind that door and ready to defend those wares as if the loot belongs to them.

Now that guy is known as the guy who died breaking into a vape shop. Those are hard times right there.

This week in The Rooster…

• It’s hard to overstate how cooked the Holy Rollers are on Issue 1. The latest poll shows that the Holly Rollers are upside down with parents and gun owners. They’re also losing over a third of the Evangelical vote!

• You need friends in this game. Congressman Jim Jordan learns what State Rep. Derek Merrin did before him: It’s hard to become a leader in government when you have zero friends in the game.

• Jim Jordan as Speaker of the House would be a gift to Democrats. Wishcasting that the Republicans were dumb enough to elect Jordan (they weren’t) while listing all the ways it would have been a gift to Democrats.

THOSE WMDs. Why the GOP can’t unite… History repeats as western states oppose tribes’ access to Colorado River… Why cafes, restaurants, and even towns are banning influencers… How The Matrix mirrors our tech-driven world… Was Bambi framed?