Rooster in Review: Ryan Day, you're our only hope

If Ohio State doesn't win this weekend I'm moving to Budapest under an alias.

A Statehouse lobbyist recently joked that the Ohio House Republican Caucus would buy me a one-way ticket anywhere in the world as long as I stayed there.

I won’t lie, it was a tempting offer at the time that’s gotten even more tempting the more I learn about Budapest, a city with rich history, great public transit, and is friendly to bicyclists.

It’s a ripcord I might have to pull this weekend if Ryan Day doesn’t get the job done against a Michigan Wolverines coach who isn't Jim Harbaugh. If Day does get the job done, we’ll be living high in Ohio as the natural order in The Rivalry will be restored, and the previous two years won’t count.

But if Michigan, who is favored by 3.5 points, somehow wins? Well… I’ll reboot this blog from Budapest as soon as I learn the basics of the Hungarian language.

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I’m told today is “Black Friday,” which is a day the capitalist class cuts the prices on their wares to entice you to buy things you don’t need.

Hell, I’m no different! If you enjoy my free dispatches or even my Tweets, I’d be honored if you joined The Patriots Caucus at 33 percent off the sticker price:

Official hoodies, which will arrive just in time for the Christmas frenzy, will be offered first to Patriots Caucus members at the cost of production. With deals like that, you’d be losing money not to redeem the sale!

This week in Ohio Man…

An Ohio Man shot and wounded a deer on his property and claimed he had to trespass onto his neighbor’s property to finish the job. That resulted in noise complaints, which caused the Ohio Man to take the totally rational route of spraypainting his historic mansion in response.

From Valerie Lyons of wcpo.com:

PIERCE TOWNSHIP, Ohio — A Clermont County homeowner found an eye-catching way to voice his frustrations with neighbors and community leaders.

Michael Wiggins wrote out words in black paint, plastering the white exterior of his historic 8,500 square foot New Richmond estate on Pond Run Road.

"I usually cut trees down when these people piss me off to get my anger out," he said.

He rolled out the black paint on Monday, and neighbors were quick to capture the shocking sight and share it on social media. Messages like "Stop Bullying Me" and "Falsely Accused" can be seen along with named township officials.

"You push me and push me and push me and push me and I feel like an animal in a cage," Wiggins said. "If I had New York lawyers and stuff and they could fly in on Delta to come in I would, but I don't. So I feel like if I did this, if the right people see it, they'll understand why."

I love how, in this Ohio Man’s mind, the top lawyers in the world are from New York and fly on Delta.

And, brother, sure, maybe “the right people” will see this new paint job and “understand” why you did it. But the rest of the world is going to think you’re insane.

Not that I would know anything about that or that there’s anything wrong with being insane… but still.

This week in The Rooster…

• How to burn bridges and alienate allies. A masterclass taught by State Rep. Elliot Forhan (D-Cleveland).

• What the Hell is Youngstown State doing? The baffling decision to hire a conservative demagogue with zero experience in higher education as its next president.

• Be thankful you’re not Larry Householder this Thanksgiving. Johnny Bartolomeo, Hells Angels correspondent to The Rooster, recounts what Larry Householder and Matt Borges faced in their first Thanksgiving in federal prison yesterday.

As always, be sure to follow The Rooster on Twitter, TikTok, YouTube and Bluesky for all of Ohio’s depravity, all the time.

THOSE WMDs. Homeless in the city where he was once mayor… A long-ago plane crash, the lives it ended, and the lives it began… This Louisiana town runs on traffic fines, and the mayor is your judge… Ohioans hit food banks in record numbers as SNAP requirements hinder assistance programs… Welcome to the hate, Ryan Day.