Rooster in Review: This is a Bike Propaganda Newsletter Now

The Rooster understands if you're not ready to make the switch to bike supremacist. But you should have one in your repertoire nonetheless.

Photo by CHUTTERSNAP on Unsplash

The Rooster is not in the habit of boosting political fundraisers, let alone one transpiring in German Village. We do, however, make an exception when it’s two causes as worthy as Statehouse candidate Daniel Ortiz, who we’ve talked to before, and the Agnes Reynolds Jackson Fund, the only abortion fund in Northwest Ohio.

The two causes will split the proceeds from tonight’s event, and tickets can be purchased through this link:

If you can’t attend but still want to support the efforts, you can also send a monetary donation in an amount of your choosing at that link as well.

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This is a bike propaganda account now… I recently learned recently that exercise and not drinking criminal levels of Tito’s Handmade Vodka might be good for our mental health. So, we purchased a bike. Big Pharma might have a point with this one.

Now, I know, you’re probably not ready to become a bike supremacist. You might need that F-250 for reasons only known to you and God. But you should still have one in your arsenal, because I promise it’s a game-changer.

The owner of “Bikes for Everybody” on Parsons Avenue asked me in no certain words what kind of bike freak I was, and I reflexively replied, “Oh, I went on the first ride yesterday and I’m already bike-pilled super hard.” And he looked at me, naturally, as if I was speaking in foreign tongues by the last end of that sentence.

If you are not familiar with the phrase “to be pilled,” please know that you do not have a terminal case of internet brain rot. You should still get a bike.

This week in Ohio Man… The Rooster has one bit of advice in life: Do not fuck with the Postal Inspectors. They take it as a grievous insult. They know how the Postal System works better than you do, and you will get caught, as one Ohio Man learned his fate this week.

From Stephanie Thompson of nbc4i.com:

COLUMBUS, Ohio (WCMH) — A Columbus man who pleaded guilty in federal court to taking part in a drug pipeline from Arizona to Ohio has been sentenced to more than 12 years in prison.

According to a release from the United States Attorney for the Southern District of Ohio, 24-year-old Dawit Mamay helped ship “at least 17 kilograms of methamphetamine and fentanyl” using U.S. Priority Mail.

Court documents revealed that Mamay and three other defendants used false names and/or addresses on the packages containing drugs and money and kept tabs on the bundles using the United States Postal Service tracking system.

“Twelve years” is one of those sentences that most people don’t realize how severe it really is. That is an eternity. So, again, do not fuck with the Postal Inspectors.

This week in The Rooster…

• Crowcast Episode Four: Our Man Sappingtong. Nelsonville Auditor and Ohio Democratic Auditor nominee Taylor Sappington sits down in Athens, the Greece of Ohio, to talk his political education, getting elected to city council, his failed 2018 Statehouse run, and how all that prepared him to become a small-town auditor who jailed his corrupt predecessor and spear-headed the saving of the city from being relegated to village status.

• Crowcast Episode Five: Damon Schnur. Starbucks supervisor Damon Schnur discusses his store, 88 E. Broad, being the first to start the unionization process in Columbus and its role in the ongoing national struggle to unionize the iconic coffee brand.

• Two Bishop Sycamore Scammers, Two Corrupt Assholes, and a Mysterious Landlord Have a Real Estate Scheme Cookin’ in the Hilltop. What could a couple with clear connections to the Bishop Sycamore swindle want with a former funeral home in the Hilltop? The Rooster attended an Greater Hilltop Area Commission meeting to investigate. (Free)

• Guardians of the Grocery Store. What Kroger’s inventory control system can tell you about the impending food insecurity crisis in Ohio. (Free)

• Not Enough People Read Columbus’ New “Justice” Mural Before Hitting Send. Far be it from The Rooster to critique somebody’s sloppy syntax errors, but we couldn’t help but notice, thanks to how the human eye recognizes different fonts and colors, that the mural appears links prominent citizens to such things as human trafficking, racism, and domestic terrorism—among other disturbing concepts.

As always, remember you can follow The Rooster on Twitter for all of Ohio’s insanity, all the time. Enjoy your weekend.

THOSE WMDs. The entirely predictable unraveling of Madison Cawthorn… The deadly impact of urban streets that look like highways… What a hobby feels like… Non-boring breakfast recipes (link corrected from other day)… Google and Meta’s new subsea cables mark a tectonic shift in how the internet works, and who controls it.