Rooster in Review: Well, that escalated quickly!
We're assuredly due for what capitalists call a "market correction," but for now let us celebrate a phenomenal two-week run in Ohio politics content.
Republican State Rep. Jon Cross, the Kenton Soldier himself, asked me on the last day before the Legislature went on break what I would do for content as he and his colleagues took their summer hiatus.
That’s the thing about Ohio politics. The game remains the same, no matter what players are currently off the board. I knew I would make do, just as I did in the four years prior that I wrote about Statehouse politics before that fateful day on January 3rd when I biked to 1 Capitol Square to get a first-hand glimpse of The Swamp.
Things haven’t been the same around here since.
The Rooster played a prominent role in the public firings of two prolific hobgoblins this week. As I wrote earlier today, despite our disagreements, I salute Rob Nichols and Lizzie Marbach for posting their way out of lucrative jobs. I certainly know what’s that like, though it was for a much cooler reason than running interference for some of the most villainous people in the state.
If you learn one thing from this communist rag, let it be that a person with an internet connection can absolutely influence the machinations of state government if they are deranged enough to be persistent in that mission. No matter how much power these losers accrue, what they really want is the adulation of the public and to be told what good people they are wherever they go.
For all their power, what really causes them psychic damage is to be mocked by the commoners whom they hold in disdain.
As always, thank you to every brave soldier in The Patriots Caucus, and even the freeloading subscribers huffing fumes in the parking lot. The victories of The Rooster are yours as well, and as always, you will have a place at my landlord’s spare hearth.
This week in Ohio Man…
We do things differently on the Weat Side (no typo) of Columbus. As most residents of Columbus will attest, things just get different when you drive west of COSI on Broad Street—the delectable Tommy’s Diner excluded.
That pertains to how we drive our cars. The Weat Side is poorly designed with multiple drag strip-like streets on which motorists, likely uninsured despite living in the Insurance Capital of the Midwest, drive like absolute buffoons even when they’re sober.
The results only get worse when they’re drunk, which on the Weat Side can be any time of the day (not that I used to know a lot about that during my days as a raging alcoholic or anything).
From Adam Conn of nbc4.com:
COLUMBUS, Ohio (WCMH) – A man was arrested after he reportedly drove his car into a Columbus City elementary school brick wall early Friday morning.
Fire officials responding to the crash said a man who appeared to be under the influence of alcohol lost control of his car and drove into a brick wall at Binns Elementary school in Southwest Hilltop at 12:55 a.m. The man was uninjured and was arrested at the scene.
Officials said there was damage to one classroom at the school, but that the building is structurally sound and building inspectors were not immediately called to investigate. A gaping hole can be seen through the wall, just under a row of windows.
All I can say is, Thank God that school wasn’t in session and some family isn’t grieving the loss of their beautiful child because some idiot got drunk and got behind the wheel.
The fact is, cars crashing into buildings is a distinctly American tragedy, and I often think of this video whenever I read about one such incident in Columbus, which seems like is happening once a week now.
Normally, I’m quick to blame road design. If you design streets like race strips, don’t be surprised when motorists treat them as such. That’s why the Columbus Department of Police can’t prevent drag racers in urban areas like the Short North.
But in this case, you almost have to admire the drunkenness of the driver now that no injuries have been reported from the crash:
I love riding my bike at night for the simple fact there are fewer cars on the road. But I don’t do it nearly as much as I’d like, because you only need to bike regularly for about a week before you realize how many drivers are impaired while driving their two- to three-thousand-pound steel missiles down the road.
Out of all the ways to die on my bike, I am resolved to never let it be at the hands of a drunk driver who would almost certainly escape the scene and never be held accountable for their actions. If it does happen, however, know that I have returned to Earth as a ghost and will haunt that person until the day they day.
Ohio politicians are starting to get a glimpse into that draconian sentence. They’d probably think it’s better happening to a private citizen than them.
This week in The Rooster…
Why does the Secretary of State employ a social media troll? Read the free exposé that led to Frank LaRose firing his longtime spokesman, Rob Nichols.
The Newest Testament. A free dispatch from special correspondent Max Littman, whom you should follow on Twitter, as he scores the Biblical brawl between Republican Congressman Max Miller and (now former) Ohio Right to Life spokeswoman.
The Tao of the Poster. Say what you want about Rob Nichols and Lizzie Marbach, but the Tao of the Poster flowed through their veins.
As always, be sure to follow The Rooster on Twitter and TikTok for all of Ohio’s depravity, all the time.
THOSE WMDs. Chaos at the top of the world… America’s loneliest roads, mapped… The ancient technology keeping space missions alive… The family that built an empire of pain… Juggalo family values: You could learn a lot from insane clowns.
Tommy's Diner. Thanks for that. Sounds like the right place to try after record shopping on a Saturday morning.