Rooster in Review: Won't Somebody Think of Our Girl Meg?
Here's your chance to own an original Bellows Avenue foot soldier if the circumstances are right.
Meet Meg, a female cat with a stump tail that sought refuge on my old porch at 884 Bellows Avenue after her previous owned abandoned her. She has a loving personality with people and is 100% trained on a litter box. She is also “O.G. Bellows Freak” certified and comes with all the appropriate documentation.
Unfortunately, Meg is in need of a new home because her years of basic survival on Bellows Avenue made her skittish around other felines, especially other females. But she is worth an adoption. Look how precious she is:
She is spayed and current on all her veterinary work. Please, for the love of God, if you know anybody that would like a new angel in their life; email The Rooster (subscribers can simply reply to this email) and you will get directed to Tom.
This is a code red, and Meg comes with a free one-year subscription to The Rooster and a guarantee that you will be satisfied with your decision as long as she’s the only cat in your living quarters. She will love you with all her heart.
This Week in Ohio Man… It was another bad week for Ohio Man and his attempt to swindle innocent people. This week’s saga features an area man going to prison over a forged baseball card swindle he ran over seven years ago.
From Rich Mueller of sportscollectordaily.com:
Federal prosecutors have charged an Ohio man with bank fraud after they say he purchased T206 cards, added phony autographs and sold them for hefty profits.
In court papers filed in Cleveland last week, Acting U.S. Attorney Michelle Baeppler charged Cord Monroe of Girard, OH with one count of bank fraud in connection with the case.
Investigators say Monroe, a/k/a David Scott, purchased 14 unsigned T206 cards beginning in 2015 and after fake autographs were added, consigned them to auctions where they sold for thousands of dollars between 2015 and 2017.
Statute of limitations… they’ll get you every time.
This Week in 10,000 Points of Psychic Damage… America damned itself to Hell when we elected Ronald Reagan. But another pivotal moment in our downfall came in 2000 when the Supreme Court anointed George W. Bush as president over Al Gore. Bush vs. Gore was a legitimate theft, which meant the Democrats shrugged their shoulders and said, “What can you do?”
Well, here we are over two decades later, and W. Bush is garnering laughs as a man clearly haunted by the ghosts of Iraq children he slaughtered.
I’ve made many mistakes in my life for which I will be forced to atone in the next life, but at least I can rest my melon-sized head knowing I didn’t launch an illegal invasion of a country that slaughtered half a million Iraqi citizens.
God Bless the Vaccine... Roosters are dumb barnyard animals whose main talent is squawking at the top of its longs at all hours of the day. So it makes sense that I went around the last two years of the pandemic thinking my cockroach blood meant I was built different, only for that illusion to be shattered when I contracted the novel coronavirus on a random Tuesday in May.
Pfizer struck back the next morning when I awoke feeling normal outside of a small cough. As of this writing Friday morning, the only reason I know I contracted coronavirus rather than a cold was thanks to the free tests delivered to me by the patriots at the United States Postal Service. (The third round is open, and you can re-order up to eight tests per household this time.)
I never lost my taste or smell, and fingers crossed it looks like I’ll escape this confrontation without suffering from long covid. I attribute that all to the vaccine and booster shot. That day I tested positive—to say I was down bad would be an understatement. I was down horrendous with muscle aches, fatigue, a fever and a cough. Thankfully my body already had the blueprint to respond to the alien invasion; otherwise things would’ve gotten hectic with alacrity.
But even though my case was the best possible scenario for contracting coronavirus… it still sucks shit. My girlfriend and I had to sector off our house, and I’m haunting two rooms of it like I’m the ghost of a Victorian child entombed in the chimney. I can’t go anywhere. I can’t do much other than sit around on my dumb little computer screens on beautiful summer days.
To those of you who have evaded the virus… The Rooster salutes you, and advises you to stay frosty. In retrospect, I got infected last Friday at the gym’s sauna by a gentleman who wore his entire workout outfit—including socks and sneakers—into the 156-degree room. It was the only time in the incubation window in which I shared a room with a stranger in close quarters long enough to catch the novel coronavirus.
Oh well. The Rooster is still breathing.
This Week in The Rooster…
The Black Panthers Were Right About Everything, But Especially About Community Self-Defense. With government failing to protect marginalized communities from the plague of the mass shooter, don’t be shocked when those communities inevitably arm themselves.
Who’s This (Wannabe) Legislative Dipshit? Meet Congressional Candidate J.R. Majewski. Ohio’s most effective Congressperson is in a “toss-up” with an unemployed QAnon proponent.
The Rooster Contracts the Novel Coronavirus. Two years of thinking cockroach blood would leave me unscathed, coronavirus catches The Rooster slipping on a random Tuesday in May 2022.
Neighbors Don’t Let Neighbors Run an Airbnb. This week’s free and most popular dispatch about the reasons why you don’t want Mr. Real Estate Guru turning your former neighbor’s house into an Airbnb.
One Weird Nerd is Teaching State Legislators How to Wield Hate. Christopher Rufo is a right-wing propagandist that has given lessons to state legislators about how to turn book bans and bigotry into “electoral momentum.”
And remember, you can always follow The Rooster on Twitter for all of Ohio’s insanity, all the time. Tell your friends about it, too.
THOSE WMDs. Why people hated shopping carts when they first came out… The Supreme Court’s next targets… 128 children have died in custody of Ohio’s children services since 2015… Candyland: The secret life of a Tokyo cocaine baron… Margret Thatcher called striking miners “the enemy within.”
Glad you're feeling better, DJ!