Rooster Mailbag: September 28, 2023
Here's the best answers I could provide to a myriad of reader questions.
Welcome to The Rooster Mailbag, where I solicit my readers for help to do my job for me.
This email is free to all—even those huffing fumes in the parking lot. If you’re not yet a member of The Patriots Caucus, please take this humble invitation as your chance.
I did my best to wade through the 168 questions submitted.
If I didn’t get yours, please email me, and I’ll respond personally.
Thank you, and enjoy the show!
How can we pressure Sherrod Brown into doing the right (and politically smart) thing on Issue #2?
If Senator Brown were going to do the right thing on Issue #2, he would have done it already. Instead, he would have us believe he’s still looking into the issue of pot legalization because he wants to play the middle ahead of the fight of his electoral life next year. To say I am disappointed would be an understatement.
You seem to be a repository for a lot of gossip among State Representatives and State Senators, are there any fun interpersonal rivalries or beefs between representatives or state senators that we might not know about? Thanks for what you do!
Oh yes. That’s the thing about the Republican junta—they have petty factions that hate each other just like high school because the Democrats aren’t enough of a force to make them unite. It’s a lot worse in the House, too.
One beef we learned this week is that the Ohio Republican Senate Caucus isn’t a fan of Senator Niraj Antani (R-Sewer). The Republicans intentionally drew Senator Sewer into a Biden +12 district within one block(!) of his house. That was an intentional “Fuck you” to him since now he can’t move out of his district into a new one without forfeiting his current seat.
With Biden at the top of the ticket in 2024, it’s almost assured to be curtains for our friend Senator Sewer next year—barring some sort of economic meltdown.
I also found out just the other day that Senator Sewer and Senator Andy Brenner (R-Powell) absolutely hate each other. I am going to try to get that fight arranged for viewing on The Ohio Channel. We could put it out by the dumpsters for a fitting backdrop, and I’d put $100 on Antani winning by KO.
Do you feel bad about loving your Republican office holder “friends?” They seem to have charmed you. These motherfuckers voted for the 6-week abortion ban among many other very bad things. But you give them the “he’s a good guy” treatment. Care to comment?
Sure, I would love nothing more than to comment in my newsletter where I am the main character and protagonist of the universe. Have a seat, my sweet summer child.
One of the drawbacks to spending time at Capitol Square is the fact that, yes, I have come to like some people with odious politics. They feel the same about mine. But I can’t just run around the Statehouse and shriek at everyone about being a hobgoblin. As entertaining as that may be to some people, it would get old rather quickly.
There are a handful of Republican legislators who were smart enough to treat me with respect when I started regularly going to the Statehouse back in February—and that was when I went into the Statehouse smelling like a marijuana dispensary.
Eight months ago I was a nobody on Capitol Square, despite writing The Rooster for four years prior to that fateful day in January. Now, I have half the legislature in my phonebook and have become a known entity to the state legislature and the supporting lobbyist class that traditionally occupies that space. But don’t worry, the bust-ups of the most egregious offenders will start again next month when the full legislature is back in session. But that’s who that style is for: The most egregious offenders.
The good news for any critic of mine is the Statehouse is open to the public. If I am doing an unsatisfactory job for you, then you are welcome to go up to the Statehouse and do it your way and see how it goes for you.
Lord knows I could use some help up there.
Rooster,
I believe both parties are criminal organizations (under 1 hood, not 2) committing numerous RICO violations. Who wants to identify with such criminals in this identity politics world? Therefore my question is what's your take on Not Voting, or essentially writing in your own name or the name of the person you feel most capable on ballots with only two major party candidates going against one another.
At this point are we the voters at fault for voting in endless criminals in both parties?
Well, I do believe there is something to the saying, “You get the government you deserve.” For all intents and purposes, 90% of voters probably can’t even name their state legislator or city council person.
Saying all politicians are crooks only helps the crooks and is a big reason why the Larry Householder RICO trial didn’t move the needle with the average person. A politician screwing them over is nothing new to them!
My position with the government is that I will never log off.
Why won’t you do High Street Freaks more often?
For the uninitiated, High Street Freaks is the best Buckeyes-centric podcast on the internet. As a founding member, I appeared back in the booth after the triumph over Notre Dame. You can listen to that here:
But that podcast belongs to my old co-workers, Kevin Harrish and Ryan Donnelly. I’m at their disposal to appear any time they want, but that’s their baby now. I simply don’t have the time to consume Buckeye media like they do. I had to choose The Rooster or Meet at Midfield after arriving at a personal crossroads in early March, and I made my choice.
You should still subscribe to Meet at Midfield if you’re a college football freak. There isn’t a space like it on the internet.
How do you think the fallout from HB-6 shakes out? Surely Larry and Borges won’t be the only ones rotting in prison? Will (former) First Energy Execs go down? Grandpa Sleepy Tea Bear? Husted?
I was a bit of a doomer with HB-6 until recently when I spoke to a well-connected lobbyist who put the over-under on the next wave of arrests at 13.
Former First Energy CEO Chuck Jones and former PUCO chairman Sam Randazzo are absolutely fucked. They will be charged at some point. The question is if Randazzo flipped, and I see no reason why he wouldn't given the leverage the federal government has over him.
I would love to see Husted and DeWine pinched. They were clearly guilty as anyone in the scandal that went all the way to then-president Trump. I don’t know if we’re that lucky, but I do know the rumor is the next charges are dropping next month, and a lot of people on Capitol Square will be sweating until that investigation is closed.
I’ll have some more stuff about that in Monday’s subscriber-only post, which again, you can read by joining the Patriots Caucus:
Who are your top 3 people that you honestly think will run for Ohio Governor?
Jon Husted and Dave Yost are two obvious answers. But here’s a name I’ve been told to watch that will surprise a lot of people: Grandpa Mike Gibbons!
Can you imagine? That dusty old man just loves throwing his money into a furnace because he thinks Ohio is too woke. You almost have to respect it.
I really want to know what people are saying the reasoning was for the two Democrats on the redistricting committee to vote for the terrible maps. Was it for consistency?
The Democratic line of thinking is that the Republicans forced them into a space somewhere between a rock and a hard place.
If they didn’t vote for the maps, then the Republicans could have just railroaded them and really gone for broke. With the map they enacted, there is a chance that the Ohio House Democrats could end the Republican supermajority, which would be no small thing. Leaders Russo and Antonio are also of the belief that we will enact redistricting reform next year.
I understand why Leaders Russo and Antonio made their decision. But I don’t agree with it. The Republicans have a major cash advantage, and Joe Biden will be 15 points underwater in Ohio next year. Those two things combined means there is zero chance the House Dems break the Republican supermajority.
I also hate that now the Republicans can say this is a “bipartisan map.” Readers of The Rooster know it’s still gerrymandered to Hell, but the average person might not. And that will be the Republican talking point as to why the status quo is working as intended, and there is no need to do redistricting reform.
It’s a gambit on the Democratic leaders’ part. But from my perspective, why not just say no to the maps and let Republicans go for broke? You’re still in a superminority at the end of the day! The resistance party is supposed to resist, which is something that Senator Antonio has especially seemed to have forgotten lately.
When I'm next looking to move, is there any reason I shouldn't start looking in another state or is Ohio salvageable?
Ohio is a fine place to live if you don’t mind driving a car everywhere and have the personal wealth to insulate yourself from the reactionary policies enforced by decree at the Statehouse.
If you don’t, Michigan starts to look better and better every day. We don’t even have a better college football team than them anymore! And they have a Democratic Party capable of winning statewide.
Why do some Republicans still dislike Stephens? He’s passed every GOP bill. He’s given them chairs? What the hell do they want?
There is a sect of Republicans that don’t see politics as a vehicle for helping people or solving problems. They only see it as bloodsport.
And a lot of the Republicans in the House are power-hungry and will go whichever way the wind is blowing. Americans for Progress, a Koch Industries-funded group, is currently backing a field of primary challengers to Stephens backers because they didn’t get complete and total universal school choice in the budget.
That movement is also being stoked by State Senate President Matt Huffman (R-Lima), a domestic terrorist, as he eyes a return to the Ohio House as Speaker. They are going to paint Stephens and the “Blue 22” — Republican freak parlance for the 22 House Republicans that voted for another Republican for speaker — as Nancy Pelosi Democrats.
I wish I were making that up. It defies logic. But that’s the Swamphouse for you.
Why does Senator Huffman want to be Speaker so badly? He has been there for so long and had power in the Senate?
Well, that’s the beauty of term limits that Ohio voters enacted. They can serve eight years in the House and Senate and keep switching. You can look at class pictures from the early 2000s and still see people involved in politics today. Matt Huffman is one of them.
Huffman wants the Speakership because power is fun for freaks like him and frankly, he’s good at it. That’s why special interests will back him; he’s transactional, and he gets shit done.
I assume Huffman, if given the choice, would stay Senate president for the rest of his career. The Senate is much easier to control and doesn’t have a lot of the low-rent perverts that make the House so entertaining for gadflies like me. But he’s termed out.
What makes third-place 9th Congressional district finisher [Senator Teresa] Gavarone (R-Bowling Green) think she's even qualified or deserves to be crowned Secretary of State? This has been the worst-kept secret, even before she ran for Congress.
It is a terribly kept secret, but it’s sad how the office of Ohio’s chief election official has become subject to whatever ambitious Republican hack wants to use it as a stepping stone to higher office. It will eventually bite us in the ass.
Gavarone is just the latest example. I have also heard it was an office that Senator Sewer had his eyes on, but that was before the Republican Senate Caucus threw him to the wolves.
What are your thoughts on the Republican presidential candidates?
I watched that debate the other night because I am a sick, sick puppy. And it was obvious how Donald Trump walked through that field in 2016 and why he’ll do the same in 2024.
The only way Trump isn’t the nominee is if he dies. Because, unlike the rest of them, he’s entertaining. And the hogs will die for him, unlike any other Republican candidate of my lifetime. Any Republican politician telling themselves otherwise is deluding themselves.
And in that case, as funny as it is, I’d pick Vivek Ramaswamy to emerge from that clusterfuck of a contest.
Whatever happened at Eleven Warriors that made you leave?
It got to the point where I was thinking about ways to dissolve my boss in a barrel of acid and bury it in a desert without getting caught. The opportunity to run for Statehouse against Jena Powell arose, and I took the chance. I don’t regret leaving, even though I definitely could have kept my job and gotten the same result in the election. It was time, and I’m much happier being my own boss.
Do you have any high school-era Rooster articles still? The archive would do numbers.
No. Hell no. And thank God for that.
I mean, look at this splash page that has been preserved via The Way Back Machine.
My god. It defies the word “cringe.” I don’t even think I had touched a titty yet and I was talking like that. Is that something you want to read? Not me!!!!!! No sir!!!!!
What member of the Hobgoblin caucus is most hated by the other Hobgoblins?
Niraj Antani in the Senate. Brian Stewart in the House.
Why haven't you joined an organization? Wouldn't some unified action do more to change the government than just the writings themselves?
Tsk tsk. There is a long tradition on the left of writing sternly worded newsletters! As for changing the government, I’m up at the Statehouse every week, and I could use some help if you want to get down like that.
What is the worst thing about State Rep. Josh Williams (R-Sylvania)?
The worst part about Williams is that he operates in entirely bad faith. Like when he cut the video that he said I was too scared to post to make it look like I said women should have to film their rapists to earn a conviction… and he thought he was making a serious point.
This video covers a lot of what makes him awful, too:
But of course, this joker just got a completely gerrymandered district with the new map so I’ll be dealing with him for the next six years. At least we can take solace in the fact that he’s a joke in the Toledo law community.
What's your favorite Ohio Man story, based on how funny it is?
Honestly? It’s the story of Larry Householder—the sweet old hillbilly who did the RICO because credit card bills were eating his ass and he wanted a new deck on his dilapidated Florida vacation home.
That’s Ohio energy that we should look at harnessing. It could power the state on the cheap, no doubt in my mind.
Bro, when are you going to take a writing class?
When The Business Line starts going down, brother! And guess what? Despite me not even knowing what an adverb or participle is…. the line keeps going up!!!!
THOSE WMDs. How wealth and privilege helped one man hide his abuse… Vivek Ramaswamy and the new Cold War taking root in Columbus… The lie detector test was never good at telling the truth… Columbus was once a hub of “interurban” trains… The hunt for Russian war criminals.
hell yeah brother