Rooster: OBJ Era in Cleveland Begins Now
Republicans squabble past gas-tax deadline, state rep arrested for driving drunk, and more.
I’m scared about the fall. I’m not sure if my shitty, soft body will have what it takes to survive the 48-hour frenzy that will be Buckeyes and Browns game with each team contending for their respective titles.
LOL, LOOK AT HOW BAD THE BROWNS WERE A MERE TWO YEARS AGO
Two years ago, the Browns hired a Harvard lawyer to manage the team’s personnel. It resulted in a draft in which every headliner is no longer with the team.
Surprisingly, the Browns’ fortunes changed when criminal “owner” Jimmy Haslam hired John Dorsey, a general manager with actual experience evaluating talent.
The second year of the Dorsey Era kicked off yesterday, with a press conference featuring Odell Beckham Jr., Jarvis Landry, Baker Mayfield and Myles Garrett.
From Mary Kay Cabot of cleveland.com:
“We spoke this into existence,’’ Beckham said of himself and his best friend Jarvis Landry. “It’s surreal.’’
He acknowledged that the trade was difficult to grasp at first.
“It’s just a lot to process,’’ he said. “You start off in New York and the next thing you know I’m here today. I’m very thankful for the opportunity to be here. I’m excited.’’
…
* On sitting up there with [Baker Mayfield, Myles Garrett, and Jarvis Landry]: ‘I think this moment is going to be more iconic than we all realize.’’
I understand how the prospect of moving from New York City to a busier, cooler version of New York City perplexed OBJ at first. He’ll understand his fortune when the Browns move to 3-0 and Clevelanders are calling for him to enter the 2020 Presidential race.
Another note to OBJ: Cleveland fans realized how iconic the trade was as soon as it went down. That’s why I threw my mediocre son through a window at Wendy’s in excitement.
Regardless, OBJ is out here looking at Baker Mayfield like an ex-wife who upgraded from a flabby, old husband like Eli Manning to a 25-year-old cabana boy who can actually see his penis when he pisses.
Meanwhile, Freddie Kitchens, a man who was destined to coach in Cleveland, is out here inventing words that I’ll immediately work into lexicon because I’m already ready to die for the man.
From clevelandbrowns.com (emphasis mine in the response):
On if he personally felt different heading to the office today for his first day with the team as head coach:
“No, it did not. One thing that you have to realize – I think we have put together a lot of guys like this – is that this is our team, and I truly believe that. It is our team. I am just kind of a front man because if those guys in the locker room do not hold each other accountable, if our coaches do not hold their positions groups accountable and the players amongst themselves do not hold each other accountable, we are not going to have anything anyway. At the core of everything, it is what our team is. It is what our offense is. It is what our defense is. I truly believe the letter ‘I’ is a dangerous proposition when you start using it in terms of describing yourself in a team setting. We do not do that here. It is always ‘we, us, our.’ That is what it is now, and that is what it became when I got hired. We were not hiring anybody that did not have that same kind of outlook on things. We want to create that environment for our players. Whenever we do that, we will have something. Right now, we are just a bunch of good individual players. Yeah, our roster looks great on paper – whoopty-hell, alright? – but at the end of the day, we better be a good team. You start building that during this time of the year, and training camp is a big portion of that.”
Whoopty-hell, the NFL is not ready for the reckoning at its doorstep. What amuses me most is other fans will delude themselves into thinking this is unnecessary hype. They’re in for a rude awakening when the Browns enter October 4-0.
OHIO REPUBLICANS PROVE INCAPABLE OF GOVERNING
Despite controlling all three branches of state government, Ohio Republicans proved incapable of governing this weekend when their squabbling over the gas-tax surpassed Sunday’s budget deadline.
From Thomas Suddes of cleveland.com:
Ronald Reagan misread his script at 1988’s Republican National Convention. He was supposed to quote John Adams’ statement that “facts are stubborn things.”
In a slip of the tongue, Reagan instead said, “Facts are stupid things.” Today, that seems to be the operating philosophy of some Ohio General Assembly Republicans.
At this writing, the Ohio House and state Senate are deadlocked over the state highway budget for the two years that’ll begin July 1 and expect to miss the Sunday deadline for House and Senate conferees to agree on a plan to send to Republican Gov. Mike DeWine’s desk.
…
DeWine wanted to boost the 28-cent tax to 46 cents a gallon starting in July, and index it to inflation. The Ohio House has counter-offered an 11-cents-per gallon tax increase on gasoline and a 20-cents-per-gallon increase on diesel fuel. DeWine has agreed to the House’s offer.
Meanwhile, the Senate was said to support an increase of 8.5 cents on gasoline and 11 cents on diesel fuel. Ohio’s Republican state senators have a “mine is smaller than yours” obsession. So it’s possible the Senate might agree to an increase that’s just a hair less – but it must be less – than the House-DeWine compromise.
This is the result of gerrymandering. Senators and representatives become beholden to the most extreme voters in their district. That results in Cavemen Senators obsessed with saying “No” to the bureaucrats who actually know what they’re talking about.
They better hope when a bridge inevitably collapses in Ohio due to lack of repair that it doesn’t kill anyone. If it does, the blood will fall squarely on the inept Senate.
OHIO COULD DUMP ITS ROLE IN ANCIENT SYSTEM DESIGNED TO PROTECT WEALTHY ENSLAVERS
Here’s a measure I can’t wait to support this fall because it ensures a Republican will never carry Ohio again in a presidential election.
From Randy Ludlow of dispatch.com:
Ohioans could vote this fall on a measure to award the presidency to the candidate who wins the national popular vote — regardless of which candidate wins the Buckeye State.
…
Monday, Ohio Attorney General Dave Yost certified the ballot language summary submitted to his office as a “fair and truthful statement” of the proposal and sent it to Secretary of State Frank LaRose. Signatures on the petitions still must be verified as those of registered voters. The Ohio Ballot Board then would determine whether the proposal is one issue. Once it acts, supporters can begin to collect signatures needed to place it on the ballot.
Supporters of the proposed amendment must gather 442,958 valid signatures of registered Ohio voters — 10 percent of the vote cast in the governor’s race last year — by July 3 to place the measure on the Nov. 5 ballot.
It is unclear who is behind the Ohio initiative. The petition forms with more than 2,000 signatures were filed by a professional canvasser from Washington, D.C. Four of the people listed as committee members behind the proposal could not be reached for comment. The fifth referred questions to Columbus elections lawyer Donald McTigue, who typically represents Democrats.
God bless the petition initiative, which at this point remains the only way to table progressive proposals in front of state voters.
I suspect the Republican machine will line up against this proposal should it make the ballot, because powerful parts of its party have already surrendered the idea of them being able to garner a majority of votes again.
If it does pass, the GOP can kiss Ohio goodbye. They haven’t won the popular vote this millennium, and I don’t see that changing in the foreseeable future.
OHIO STILL RIPPING OFF SICK PEOPLE FOR MEDICINE
With prices like these, it’s amazing Ohio has anyone legally purchasing medical marijuana.
From Laura Handcock of cleveland.com:
Average sales per ounce have exceeded $450 since dispensaries first opened their doors Jan. 16, according to an analysis of state figures. The cost is an average, as some strains will cost more than others.
The cost in Ohio is higher than in Pennsylvania, where bud can cost $280 to $420 an ounce. In Michigan, one Detroit dispensary has listed one strain of flower for under $10 a gram.
In Ohio, a gram averages $16.64.
On the street, an ounce of marijuana in Ohio in March ranged from $169 for low-quality cannabis to $330.50 for higher quality, according to priceofweed.com, a crowdsourcing site.
If I pay $330.50 for an ounce of weed, it better be weed grown by an alien in a laboratory in a faraway galaxy. If I pay $450, somebody better have shot me dead and taken the money out of my wallet.
ONE PILL = ONE FELONY
It’s a bad idea to drive drunk. It’s an even worse idea to drive drunk with drugs in your car. It’s the worst idea to drive drunk with drugs in your car on a suspended license while serving as a state representative.
The face in the above picture is a face of a man who made the worst decision.
From Glen McEntyre of 10tv.com:
State Representative Sedrick Denson, 31, was arrested in Columbus around 2:45 a.m. after being pulled over by an Ohio State Highway Patrol trooper.
He is charged with OVI, driving under a suspended license and felony drug possession.
….
Despite Denson saying he doesn't take medication, the criminal complaint says the trooper found one Adderall pill in a plastic bag.
The trooper put Denson through field sobriety tests and said those tests showed evidence of impairment.
Obvious stupidity aside, it’s ludicrous that one pharmaceutical pill equals one felony in Ohio. This it the kind of over-charging on which lazy prosecutors depend to plea bargain down.
Rep. Denson was one of my favorite stories in the Ohio House. I wish him the best in dealing with this embarrassing episode. At best, he can take solace in knowing it could be much worse — he could have killed or maimed an innocent person.
THOSE WMDs. Ohio’s billions in tax breaks… Shocking: IRS audit most likely in a poor, Black Mississippi county… Southerners who stayed loyal to the Union during the Civil War… What many Democrats don’t understand about rural campaigning… Trump Administration finds new, creative way to screw franchise workers.