Scare the Idiots with the Big Bad China Man

Big Energy shows contempt for common voters, the worst new bar in Columbus and things of that nature.

A couple weeks ago I mentioned my therapist suggested I find a day job to occupy my time in a more productive way than sitting in my apartment and reading about all the world’s horrors as they happen. Does he hate me? It’s hard to say.

I didn’t do anything productive in that followup because I’m neurotic and doing actual work has never been my style. I let God work in His mysterious ways as I’ve heard He loves to do.

And so He did.

I don’t have a job interview today. Rather my smart and successful friend provided me with a certain location at a certain time to listen to a pitch that maybe perhaps down the road results in me holding a union job with benefits. I don’t know we’ll see if I awake in time and can scrounge together an outfit that qualifies as “business casual” — whatever the Hell that means.

Just to be safe you loafers freeloading on my extensive literary talents should quit playing games and fork over a measly $5 a month to support me through these trying times in the likely case it doesn’t work out and I’m forced to continue living my pauper’s existence.

THEY’RE COUNTING ON RACIST BULLSHIT TO INDIMIDATE OHIO VOTERS

Ohio House Speaker Larry Householder recently railroaded a taxpayer-funded bailout of two failing nuclear plants and coal plants in Ohio and Indiana into law. It was yet another egregious act of Big Business bending Ohio’s government to its will.

While common Ohio folk have little recourse when it comes to business passed by the Ohio Legislature, one tool the people retain is that of the referendum. There’s currently an effort to repeal House Bill 6 at the ballot box in 2020 and Householder and his Big Energy Sugar Daddies have mobilized by splurging $1 million on a batshit insane racist ad that paints petition gathers as pawns of the Chinese government.

From Jeremy Pelzer of cleveland.com:

COLUMBUS, Ohio—A new group that supports House Bill 6 has embarked on a nearly $1 million statewide ad campaign in an attempt to prevent a referendum on overturning the recently enacted law to bail out Ohio’s nuclear power plants and gut the state’s green-energy mandates for utilities.

The massive TV and radio ad buy, by the group Ohioans for Energy Security, is an early indication of the deluge of ads Ohioans will be subjected to if the proposed referendum makes the ballot in 2020.

An anti-HB6 group, Ohioans Against Corporate Bailouts, is still working to get the go-ahead from state officials to begin collecting the 265,774 signatures from registered voters needed to hold a statewide vote on overturning the new law, which was signed by Gov. Mike DeWine about a month ago.

You see Householder accepted millions of dollars from First Energy in his bid to reclaim the House Speakership not because he is an incorrigible power-hungry sonuvabitch but because this was the only option he had to protect Ohio’s energy grid from the Communist Chinese.

This ad shows two things:

1. The contempt Householder and his minions have for the average voter to be too dumb to understand basic facts about what is transpiring on the state government level.

2. How screwed their pet project would be if this corporate handout every faced the referendum from those same idiot voters.

To anyone looking for signatures to get this measure on the 2020 ballot please hit me up. I have a small cadre of readers who would undoubtedly join the cause.

I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN GO TO SEESAW BAR

614 Magazine took a break this week from publishing anonymous propaganda from Nazi trolls to return to its roots of pushing puff pieces for god-awful bars in Columbus that will hopefully be closed within the moon cycle.

The latest is Seesaw a bar I hope burns in the darkest pits of Hell. Sorry if that offends.

From Madi Task of 614magazine.com:

The open space inside of what was formerly Ram’s Short North location was built up in style by none other than Seesaw, the new playground-for-adults restaurant and bar.

The phrase “playground-for-adults” is the reddest of flags but I hope to one day be killed by none other than a baseball-sized tumor that implodes my brain like a dying star while I sleep.

The lights were low and colors of black, white, and fresh shades of green dressed the luxurious lounge. Behind the downstairs bar was a wall full of greenery, giving the bartenders a botanical backdrop to pop against their personalized all-black outfits.

If the bartenders are all wearing all-black outfits I’m not sure how they could be personalized but that’s just me the mentally-ill blogger who dresses in rags.

At the top of the stairs, you’re face-to-face with another picture-worthy spot. An all-pink payphone with text written above it, “You up?” This place knows exactly who you are and they know exactly what photos you want to throw online.

If a shitty Short North bar is reaching into your mind and predicting what photos you want to “throw online” please seek medical attention immediately.

We all need breathers after dancing and a few drinks, and one of your options here could look like––in addition to your classic motivational speeches from strangers––a women’s restroom that greets you with layers of pink, brown, and red hand-writing of Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” lyrics against a half-pink half-tiled wall.

If I were a woman and I walked into a restroom with “I don’t want to miss a thing” plastered on the wall I would piss my pants before leaving the establishment forever.

Overall, Seesaw is a vacation of a night out to say the least. Traveling to different cities to test out the bar life is always going to be its own adventure, but the truth is Columbus is popping off every weekend with something for everyone. If you want a night to get dressed up and feel like you’re on your own Saturday night getaway, you need to drop by Seesaw. (And post all the vacation pics the next day.)

I want to die. I try not to say that as much anymore as death isn’t funny but I’m serious. This paragraph makes me want to die.

Columbus would be a lot cooler if everyone stopped pretending they lived in New York City and instead found enjoyment like me from ingesting brain poison in dumpster bars.

THE WORST PERSON IN OHIO THIS WEEK

I know and respect Butler County. It’s a place with many fine people. But it’s also filled with politicians who should be exiled to Siberia and also a person who slit a dog’s throat in attempt to earn free medical care.

So it’s hard to say if it’s bad or good overall.

From myfox8.com:

BUTLER COUNTY, Ohio – A heartbreaking tale of abuse is now believed to have been a dog owner’s attempt to get free veterinary care, the Butler County Sheriff’s Office said on Facebook Monday.

The sheriff’s office announced three days ago that they were looking for the owner of the dog, named Dani, after someone reported finding her along the road. Initially, authorities suspected someone had taped the dog’s muzzle shut and cut the animal’s throat.

…

Now, thanks to several leads, the Butler County Sheriff’s Detective Division and Butler County Dog Wardens believe the heartbreaking tale was made up.

“The subject that initially reported finding Dani and taking her to the Twin Maple Veterinarian Clinic was the actual owner of the canine,” according to a sheriff’s office news release. “Upon interviewing the owner it was relayed to our detectives that the canine had cut its throat on a barbed wire fence and they could not afford the veterinarian bills, so they concocted a story to get the canine help for free.”

Dani’s owner claims her snout was never duct taped, and the visible marks were from a muzzle that she wore for several hours a day to keep her from chewing or being aggressive toward another dog in the home.

Go ahead and put a big bet on this dog leading a longer, happier and more prosperous life than the scumbag that tried this bullshit hustle.

DON’T DUMP IN YOUR NEIGHBOR’S LAWN BUT IF YOU DO MAKE SURE THEY’RE NOT RECORDING YOU

I’m 32 and have always loved my neighbors because making contact with them is the first thing I do whenever I move to a new place which is a thing I have to do from time to time on account of being a Millennial and not owning a home.

So I can’t really get into the mindset of a 34-year-old who got enraged with a neighbor to the point he thought shitting in their lawn in the middle of the afternoon would prove something.

From Cameron Knight of cincinnati.com:

A Colerain Township man was arrested Sunday after police said he dropped his pants and defecated in his neighbor's yard – an act caught on video.

Gregory Pittman, 34, is charged with public indecency.

Colerain officers said Pittman exposed himself in the front yard of a neighbor's home on Topeka Street just after 1 p.m.

Had to have been a harrowing experience for Mr. Pittman in the interrogation room when he denied shitting in his neighbor’s lawn and and the detective calmly slid the cellphone video across the table to him.

WE’RE GOING BACK IN TIME THIS WEEKEND FOLKS

One of like two other hobbies I have other than complaining about Ohio’s government online is attending festivals throughout the state. It’s even better when those fairs involve medieval times and as such you can find me in Warren County on Saturday drinking ales out of goat horns and sword-fighting Trump voters to the death.

From wlwt.com:

Thousands of people journey to Harveysburg, Ohio, yearly to visit the re-created 16th-century English village. The fair runs for nine weekends, ending Oct. 27.

Fifteen stages will feature a full schedule of unique entertainment.

Knights will joust three times daily, and swordsmen will showcase their rapier skills.

There's also a twice-daily pirate comedy show, strolling musicians and several village pubs.

The marketplace at the festival is a shopper's paradise, full of homemade wares created by area artisans.

Might mess around and stay in 476 A.D.

It was probably more socially progressive than Ohio today.

THOSE WMDs. The next Recession will destroy Millennials… Secret memos show the government has been lying about Backpage… What it’s like to do the toughest job in America… China’s spies are on the offensive…