The First Rooster Mailbag (Part I)

I solicited questions about anything from my readers, and I may have made a grave mistake.

Welcome to International Waluigi Day, or “April Fool’s Day” as mortals call it. Be on the lookout today for brands and companies doing dumb ass jokes and gullible idiots getting mad at them.

Not at the Rooster, though. No way, no sir! It’s nothing but sincerity as I dive into the dark, twisted minds of my readers. Please consider a paid subscription to finance my future therapy sessions:

Unfortunately Substack’s draconian length-limits prevent me from answering everybody’s questions… so I divided the mailbag into two parts. The one you’re reading now and the second part that will arrive at 6 a.m.

I wholeheartedly agree about the downfall of Ohio and why our state leaders are giving us every reason to leave.  My only problem -- I'm not sure where I can go in America that's emphatically better?  Sure, I could go to a state that legalized marijuana, sports betting, etc, but a lot of these places I'll end up paying twice as much for my "cost of living."  Corruption is in nearly every corner.  So which area can I go to, with minimal political baggage, and won't bust my wallet? 

-Greg from Columbus [Email]

Greg, this is a dilemma of mine as well since everywhere sucks. Spencer Hall of EDSBS was the first to note this when he said, “[Everywhere], in some way or another, sucks because they are material places providing unnecessary obstacles like transit, red lights, long walks, parking, taxes, other people, and ‘rules’ standing between you and happiness.”

As New York and California shown, having Democrats dominate your state government isn’t a hot ticket to paradise. At that point it’s about mitigating the suck.

If I’m limited to the continental United States, here are states that have been on my radar for quite some time, in no order outside of Colorado:

1. Colorado

2. Michigan

3. Pennsylvania

4. Oregon

5. Tennessee

6. North Carolina

7. Georgia

8. Florida

I’d move to Colorado tomorrow, if like you, I knew I could afford it. The rest of these states offer similar costs of living to Ohio, especially since you’re living in the increasingly costly city of Columbus.

Michigan, Pennsylvania, Georgia and Oregon have Democratic parties that can compete on a state level, though we’ll have to see if Georgia Democrats can fight against the new 21st century Jim Crow laws that the legislature just enacted.

Florida, North Carolina and Tennessee have a lot of the same problems as the Buckeye State. Florida in particular makes Ohio corruption look like a Baptist child’s birthday party. But they have much better climate than Ohio, though Florida may be under water in the next 50 years! North Carolina is nice because its demographics are trending in a positive direction and it’s plausible it could flip blue somewhere between the next four to 15 years.

How do I explain to another white person that we all have racist ideas in our head? It’s not a moral failure, it’s brainwashing we have to try to unlearn.

- G. Gordon Tiddy Island [Twitter]

I think one problem us white people have is we think there are two camps, “Racist” and “Not Racist.” We grew up hearing phrases like, “There’s not a racist bone in his body…” or “I don’t care if they’re white, black, yellow, pink, or purple.”

People of all colors have racist thoughts. You said it best; it’s not a moral failure. It’s just that us white people, sadly, were the only ones that constructed an entire society upon the notion that still affects our day-to-day lives hundreds of years after its invention.

It’s not enough to be “not racist.” We should strive to be anti-racist, and that means recognizing that it will be a lifelong struggle against the racist brainwashing we all received during childhood in America.

One book on this subject that impacted me is Dr. Ibram X. Kendi’s How To Be An Anti-Racist. His first book, Stamped From the Beginning, is also worth reading as an explainer on how deep these ideas run in our society.

1. Why don't Rep. Bob Cupp and State Senator Kirk Schuring run the Coronavirus briefings instead of DeWine?

2. Why do people think that Householder is going to quit/get pushed out?

3. Who do you think the next Jim Jordan (out-of-control R Ohio
   Representative) will be?

- Bob [Email]

Hey Bob,

1. The Governor is the head of the state and pandemic management falls under his purview until the legality of the legislatures’ override of DeWine’s veto on SB-22 is settled.

2. I don’t think anybody is shocked by Householder refusing to resign. The man has no shame. I think some people are surprised that you can be indicted on RICO charges — usually reserved for mafia bosses — have your coconspirators plead guilty and still draw a state pension.

3. As for the next Jim Jordan:

   • In Congress: Rep. Warren Davidson (R-Troy). This man has positioned himself as the homeless man’s Jim Jordan for his entire career. He has about as much charisma as a teenager’s cum-filled sock, but his views entirely align with Jordan.

   • Not in Congress: State Rep. Nino Vitale (R-Urbana). Between electing Vitale and Jordan, I have been proposing we put Champaign County under a dome until we figure out what exactly is wrong with these people.

1. Who is our Stacey Abrams? Did she flee to greener pastures like many others (myself included)

2. My hometown is red as shit, Stark County... is there anyway for the left to woo the white-working-class back from these yokels who give zero fucks about them?

- @jhonnyjive7382 [Twitter]

Good to hear from you, Johnny —

1. I’m not sure we have a Stacey Abrams. If she’s out there, I’d love to hear from her. But keep in mind she did not flip Georgia single-handedly. Georgia also has demographics trending in the right way, unlike Ohio. And yes, if we did have a Stacey Abrams, there is a good chance she already fled the state like you did.

2. I’m not sure what to do about the white working class problem. I know a lot of them are angry, because like a lot of America, they feel they are being left behind. The problem is the GOP feeds into their anger and then offers bowls of racism so that talk of black lives mattering makes them hear “white lives don’t matter.” It’s a depressing albeit effective recipe. Most of them won’t be coming back to the good side in our lifetime.

What are the best outlets to hear reasonable conservative viewpoints? The Economist?

- Pat from Bexley

I tend not to pimp outlets considering every single one has blind spots and I prefer to get my news like a true maniac: Mainlining Twitter for 12 hours a day.

However, I’ll give you three outlets I’ll read should one of their pieces come across my timeline, because like you, I enjoy hearing views that differ from mine:

1. The Financial Times

2. The Economist

3. The Bulwark

4. The Wall Street Journal

What is the greatest food ever, and why is it Skyline Chili?

- Marshall [Email]

I do not know if a civil war will ever be fought in Ohio. I do know that Skyline Chili will be the root cause if war does come to our shores.

I don’t hate Skyline Chili. I issued a #djbyrnesflipflop on the matter when I wrote at Eleven Warriors.

The problem with Skyline is it can get nasty quick if you happen to stumble into a location that isn’t handling the business. It’s a serviceable meal if the location is on point, though I would never bang the table and demand to go to Skyline in the first place.

The greatest food is pizza when you consider its versatility. You can eat it at any time of the day. Its toppings and ingredients can range from “healthy” to “so greasy it comes with a side of grease if you tilt the corner of a box over a glass.”

With the weather improving and vaccines on the up, what is the best saloon in Columbus for a date night?

@TuckerBernard1 [Twitter]

My definition of Columbus is small. If it’s North of Hudson, west of Olentangy River Road, East of Route 71 or South of Greenlawn Ave… that’s the suburbs.

That said, I’m going to go with Club 185 on Livingston Road. It’s not pretentious like 99% of the people that live in German Village. It’s a quiet spot with ample seating, a tranquil ambiance and taste fare if you’re looking to snag a bite to eat.

Also within walking distance of places like Little Palace, Low/High Beck, Bendi Wok, etc.

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This concludes Part I of the first Rooster Mailbag. The second part will arrive in your mailbox at 6 a.m. If you don’t see it in your inbox, be sure to check your promotions or spam tab.

THOSE WMDs. How eight fancy Boston condos figure into a fight for the Saudi throne… The most common type of incompetent leader… Nextdoor is quietly replacing the small-town paper, one neighborhood at a time… What happens to your body when you forsake caffeine… Recipe: Creamy cucumber salad.