The Grass is Greener in Michigan

Ohioans travel to Michigan to purchase legal weed; who could have seen this one coming?

Well the President of the United States got impeached yesterday for the second time in my life. (I’m 33.)

I remember when Bill Clinton, the Rapist from Arkansas, got impeached. The Republican freaks like Newt Gingrich — the guy who left his cancer-ridden wife on her deathbed — and Dennis Hassert — the future convicted pedophile — made it about Clinton cheating on his wife as opposed to Clinton suborning a subordinate into performing oral sex while operating in an official capacity of the state.

Then George W. Bush lied our way into a disastrous war in Iraq to avenge his incompetent father and somehow Nancy Pelosi didn’t think the deaths of thousands of Americans were worthy of impeachment.

So he were are with President Business Deals becoming the third president in American history to get impeached because he couldn’t stop doing crimes.

Republicans can say what they want but we already know how they’d feel if Obama used foreign policy to extort a country into producing dirt on Mitt Romney. Unfortunately for them Obama was never intimidated enough by polls to commit a crime on an international call monitored by multiple people.

Will any of this matter? Yes. Because impeachment places a stain on Deals’ presidency that can’t be removed. And now that it’s been put to a trial, the Republican Senators that will come to his defense will know their vote will forever be marked beside their name throughout history.

Will that change their vote? Probably not. But it’s never a bad day when you get trashbags on record to defend their awfulness.

Ohio slow-rolled and sandbagged its medical marijuana program so it’s no surprise to see other states capitalizing on our lethargy by legalizing recreational marijuana and siphoning our tax dollars.

From Laura Hancock of cleveland.com:

ANN ARBOR, Michigan - The line outside Exclusive Brands – a medical and recreational marijuana store, grower and processor in a business park on the south end of town – wrapped around the side of the building and down the block, with customers waiting around three hours Friday afternoon and 3 ½ hours on Saturday.

Many were from Ohio.

“There’s quality control,” said a Cincinnati man in his 50s who bought flower and edibles for personal use. “That’s the difference: When you’re going to a friend to purchase marijuana or edibles, you don’t know the THC” level.

Michigan’s new recreational program, which started Dec. 1, could represent a cultural shift for Ohioans in search of marijuana.

Ohioans who traveled north for marijuana last weekend generally fell into one of three groups: Some were there for the novelty of purchasing cannabis in a state-sanctioned store -- although it’s against federal and Ohio law to transport cannabis across state lines. Others were regular marijuana users with plans to return to Michigan often.

Mark my words. Here is how Ohio will counter: We’re going to station a fleet of Highway Patrol cruisers along all the highways leading back from Michigan and then pull over all suspicious cars at random.

We’re then going to pay an exuberant amount of money to imprison and feed those “criminals” for the high crime of “transporting drugs across state lines.”

Meanwhile the rest of the midwest is laughing at us.

OHIO IS NOT GREAT AT DRIVING

I used to love driving but I have since come to realize it sucks. Your car depreciates with every trip. You have to purchase gas from criminal syndicates that are intensifying the climate crisis. There are police lurking around every corner to make sure you’re obeying the “speed limit.”

And then you have to deal with every idiot on the road that’s behind the wheel of a 2,5000-pound missile.

As for that that part it turns out Ohio is a dangerous place.

From Sarah Brookbank of cincinnati.com:

The study from Insurify found that Ohio has the highest share of drivers with traffic infractions. To add insult to injury, Kentucky ranked in the bottom 10 states, meaning Kentuckians are safer drivers than their neighbors to the north.

"Analysts compared the number of drivers with infractions against the total population of drivers to determine the state with the highest share of offending drivers in the country," Insurify said. 

Ohio ranked worst overall. Virginia has the most speeding infractions, Maine has the most accidents and Wyoming has the most DUIs. 

"If your travel plans are taking you through one of the most dangerous states, you should be sure to keep your eyes peeled for some of America’s worst drivers – especially if you’re one of them," Insurify said.

Why do any of us tolerate this nonsense? Most Ohioans will read these rankings and say “Oh sure, totally” and then we’ll go back on the roads and risk our livelihoods while surrounded people who can’t drive.

There is a better way for transit. I wouldn’t believe it either if literally every other developed country in the world wasn’t doing it. They’re called trains and we need to build them.

CRIMINAL DOCTOR BOOKS ONE-WAY TICKET TO DAWG CHECK CITY

Whenever you hear some centrist piece of shit Democrat who is financed by billionaires and health insurance companies get up on a stage and try to defend our barbaric healthcare system as “having choices” then keep in mind the status quo enables parasite criminal doctors who are only out to enrich themselves.

For one example of this phenomenon we turn to Cleveland where my good friend Peter Pattakos — the junkyard dawg himself — has ensnared another piece of shit within their own web of lies.

From pattakoslaw.com:

This afternoon, Judge James A. Brogan, presiding in the Summit County Court of Common Pleas, issued a 56-page order certifying two classes of claims brought by four former clients of the law firm Kisling Nestico & Redick (“KNR”). The Court ruled that tens of thousands of the firm’s clients are entitled to proceed in a single lawsuit regarding an allegedly fraudulent fee charged for so-called “investigations” that were never performed, as well as an alleged price-gouging scheme by which the firm conspired with Wadsworth doctor Sam Ghoubrial, M.D. to overcharge the firm’s clients for medical services.

The Court’s order was based on a detailed summary of evidence presented by the Plaintiffs—including sworn testimony from current and former KNR attorneys and numerous internal firm communications and client files—showing that the KNR firm uses a high-volume, high-advertising business model to systematically take advantage of its clients by,

1. directing them to treat with Dr. Ghoubrial, who has collected nearly $8 million from KNR client settlements since approximately 2011 by requiring the clients to unwittingly waive their own health-insurance benefits and then charging them exorbitant rates for basic care—including medically contraindicated “trigger-point injections”—allowing the firm to inflate its attorneys’ fees with a minimum of effort; and

2. charging the clients a bogus “investigation” fee on every case, to pay so-called “investigators” whose primary job was to chase new clients down to sign them up before they could sign with a competing firm.

In its order, the Court held that Plaintiffs submitted evidence showing that Dr. Ghoubrial “substantially overcharged his patients” for injections and medical supplies, and that “it is clear” that the manner in which Ghoubrial received payment from the KNR clients “insured the charges he made would escape scrutiny by the insurance carriers and other government agencies.” The Court further stated that “it is at least a jury question whether [KNR owner and managing attorney Rob Nestico] knew that Dr. Ghoubrial was overcharging his patients.”

What’s funny about rich assholes like Dr. Ghoubrial and his ilk is that they will say anything they want right up until they’re under oath during a deposition. And then suddenly you get exchanges like this:

If you’re a millionaire then I understand why you’re against single-payer healthcare. Poor people would get healthcare at the expense of you having to pay more taxes!

But if you’re not a billionaire and you don’t support single-payer healthcare then what the fuck is wrong with you? Serious question. Because phrases like “access to affordable healthcare” don’t mean shit. And any defense of the current system enables crooks like Dr. Ghoubrial.

Thankfully my friend Peter Pattakos has him on a one-way ticket to dawg-check city but if he didn’t then where would we be? Because it ain’t like he’s the only doctor who is making bank off bullshit billing practices.

SCAMS ALL AROUND… INCLUDING YOUR DOG

As always one promise to my readers is letting you know any time a new scam comes around our parts. Apparently this week it’s people trying to use the love of your dog to steal your identity.

From whio.com:

MONTGOMERY COUNTY — Many dog owners in the area have been scammed after they attempted to obtain an official dog license on a fraudulent website, according to a release. 

After purchasing a dog license on the fraudulent website, people found charges on their credit cards they didn’t make.

The Auditor’s website, www.mcohio.org/dogs is the only real website that sells dog licenses in Montgomery County, according to Montgomery County Auditor Karl Keith.

The application on the fraudulent website asks for additional information that the official application does not such as date of birth which is believed to be used for identity theft purposes, according to the release.

Scammers purchased an ad from google so the website appeared at the top of the search results when users searched Ohio dog licenses.

Always heartwarming to read stories like this because I realize if I get down on my last $1,000 or whatever the fuck then I can pay Google to move my new criminal scheme to the top of the search results list. Great system we have!

YOUR PET WANTS TO EXERCISE WITH YOU

It’s that time of year when a lot of Americans start planning to diet and exercise.

I know a lot of health nuts hate this time of year but to me what is the point of being in shape if you ain’t going to let yourself get fat for six out of 24 months? Anyway if you’re like me and looking to get back in shape this winter and make it stick then you should consider a partnership with your dog according to the Ohio State University Medical Center.

From Allison Burke of osu.edu:

Only about a quarter of the people who start a diet and exercise plan stick with their resolutions for more than a month. Experts at The Ohio State University Veterinary Medical Center and The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center say that partnering with your pet when implementing healthy habits can be a great way to find motivation and make you both happier and healthier.

Mitch the dog has lost 60 pounds running alongside owner Laurie Millward.

“A balanced diet and regular exercise are extremely important for pets, just like they are for humans, and many of the health benefits of a healthy lifestyle are the same” said Arielle Markley, a veterinarian in the Canine Physical Rehabilitation & Sports Medicine Center at Ohio State Veterinary Medical Center.

Markley acknowledges that there are many creative ways to get active with your pet, such as dog yoga, dog Pilates and couch-to-5K programs, but she urges people to start slowly. Just as someone shouldn’t run a full marathon without training, the same holds true for pets. It’s important to introduce an exercise routine slowly, especially if pets haven’t been active. When starting a diet and exercise plan with your pet, Markley says to remember PAWS:

• Plan – Schedule your workouts, make grocery lists and plan out the daily practices that are going to help you reach your goals. Making small, manageable changes will lead to big results over time.

• Active – Find ways to get active with your pet that you both enjoy.

• Wellness – Checkups are important for both you and your pet to ensure you are both healthy enough for exercise and to determine your specific dietary needs. When you call your vet to schedule your pet’s annual checkup, give your primary care physician a call as well.

• Success – Celebrate and reward your success, but try swapping out treats and junk food for some extra love and attention for your pet.

The downside about cats is I can’t take them on jogs around the block. So my plan is to start doing minimal exercise to build for the next level after football season. Or maybe Ohio State wins in NOLA and I just stay down there and adapt to my new life as a 600-pound alcohol who eats nothing but Po’Boys? Only time will tell…

THOSE WMDs. The harsh truth behind those “hearing for the first time” videos… Why vitamin pills don’t work and may be bad for you… How Boris Johnson’s Brexit won… Leo Tolstoy on finding meaning in a meaningless world… FEC probes spending patterns of John Kasich’s 2016 presidential campaign.