The Hilariously Predictable Downfall of P.G. Sittenfeld
The Hilariously Predictable Downfall of P.G. Sittenfeld
This man is coooooooooked!
It’s a mark of good fiction writing to establish through your character well enough throughout your story that there is only one direction their brain chemistry will flow when they reach the precipice of The Great Question at Hand. Whether that road of fortune leads to doom or prosperity depends on the will of the writer.
Such is what happened to disgraced former Cincinnati Council President P.G. Sittenfeld, who would likely be mayor of the Queen City right now if not for the meddling FBI agents and their quest against corrupt public officials.
Cincinnati’s political system is exactly like Columbus and Cleveland in that the culture of corruption existed long before our current crop of scumbags and will continue long after them. The scheme remains the same: Extort companies and individuals with businesses before the city in the same way two low-level mafia affiliates would say, “It’d be a shame if something happened to your nice bakery you got here if you failed to pay into our protection racket.”
The case centers on Chinedum Ndukwe, a former player for the Cincinnati Bengals who graduated from Harvard and Wharton School of Business and used that knowledge to bribe political stiffs in Cincinnati.
Ndukwe also detailed the numerous ways in which he flouted campaign finance laws to funnel money into the coffers of then-Mayor John Cranley by making max donations in various names of family members. He testified that Cranley was well aware of the scam.
Ndukwe, who made $27,000 by working with the FBI, then introduced Sittenfeld two undercover FBI agents posing as real estate developers named Rob and Dave. One agent testified they got to shop at “the FBI store” for their roles, which likely means they were rolling around in cars and clothes seized from interstate cocaine traffickers and the like.
Their ostentatiousness should have been enough to blow the entire operation, because, as Sittenfeld’s inner circle realized, the rich people they knew didn’t flaunt their wealth like some yahoo who just won the Mega Millions. It’s not like they were raising concerns because they were devout public servants, either.
One member was Jay Kincaid, the former chief of staff of former Mayor Cranley who coincidentally left his role in government to lobby on behalf of the developers with business in front of the city. He said the behavior of Rob and Dave was “peculiar,” which, again, he would know.
More damning testimony came from Jared Kamrass, the former treasurer to Sittenfeld’s Political Action Committee.
Kamrass testified that Sittenfeld, upon reading a New York Times article about the FBI hunting municipal corruption in 2019, suddenly became obsessed with communicating on Signal, the encrypted end-to-end messenger application that’s only secure if every member in the chat isn’t cooperating with the FBI. A lesson that Sittenfeld learned the hard way as Kamrass turned those transcripts over to the FBI.
Kamrass also testified that Sittenfeld kept a list of businesses and clients with business in front the city — a list that he called “transactional donors” which is perfect Democrat Brain Speak for keeping notes on a criminal conspiracy. If only Sittenfeld had watched The Wire.
The prosecution rested yesterday. And in the defense’s opening statements, Sittenfeld’s lawyer said it’s “likely” the disgraced councilman will take the stand in his defense.
The Rooster would love to see it. As far as my cum laude degree from Twitter Law University can discern, Sittenfeld’s defense will be, “It ain’t a crime in Ohio to take money from any motherfucker giving it away.” (This is will preview of the defense disgraced former Speaker of the House Larry Householder will attempt early next year.)
Unless the jury is comprised of Sittenfeld’s extended family, he will be found guilty. They have him on wiretap. They have his business partner. Hell, they have the city’s bagman and his accountant, too. For good measure, they finished with the testimony from the CEO of the Cincinnati Port Authority:
But that’s the arrogance of guys like Sittenfeld. They can look at the federal government’s conviction rate of 99.96 percent(!!!), know in their hearts that they are guilty— and simply shrug and say, “I’m built different.”
The saddest part Is that there were Very Serious People in the Ohio Democratic Party who told us that Sittenfeld was indeed different. That somehow this loaf of bread with an extortion list was somehow going to lead us against the Republican menace that plagues this state.
It’s sociopathic stuff. At least the Republicans are upfront with their belief that your pain is funny to them. Democrats in Ohio will smile in your face, take selfies at Pride marches, and then go try to shake down a developer that has business in front of the city.
The FBI won’t catch every corrupt asshole in Ohio, as the lack of arrests in Columbus will show you. But at least, despite their best efforts to blow the operation, the feds did manage to pinch Sittenfeld dead in the act. He’s going to prison, and I’d feel more sympathy if he did anything at all to reform the brutality of our carceral system while holding legitimate political power.
It’s going to be a cold new world for ol’ P.G. The realities of where fraudulent leaders like him have led us are much harder to ignore when you’re just another bum off the street and not a powerful politician looking for a handout.
THOSE WMDs. Belgium busts illegal drug lab on airbase holding U.S. nuclear weapons… Cops investigating “WhatsApp for Gangsters” arrest key suspect in the Caribbean… Mr. Rogers had five simple rules for children… What I mean when I say, “Ban cars.”