The Lies We're Told

Why wouldn't the CDP expect us to believe its bullshit?

Two brain geniuses employed by the Columbus of Division Police Helicopter Unit decided last April to take a joyride in a pattern that coincidentally spelled “CPD” over a predominantly black neighborhood on Columbus’ East Side.

This was blatant intimidation considering the pilots went out of their way to avoid flying over wealthy Bexley for non-law-enforcement purposes.

Not to mention the city spends $1,500 per hour just to keep one of these helicopters afloat.

The good news is we live in Columbus, home of the powerful Fraternal Order of Police Lodge #9, so we can always depend on the local police to give us an honest answer as to what happened in embarrassing situations like this.

From Bill Bush of dispatch.com:

The two-person crew, Officer Steven Kinsey and Officer Gregory Kellough, said the maneuver wasn't planned, but carried out after they noticed on a flight-tracking display they had unintentionally spelled out what resembled a "C" while on patrol after midnight on April 17.

Kinsey, the pilot steering the craft, decided to continue on to spell out a "P" and "D" while they awaited their next call for service. Previous to this, they had never planned to intentionally spell anything that would be visible when later viewed on publicly available online flight-tracking services, the report states.

Yes, this is honestly what they’re trying to sell us: That, coincidentally, they were making the rounds over a neighborhood where their colleague would fatally shoot a 16-year-old a week later, when they happened to notice they had spelled a “C” and decided to go ahead and finish the script.

Hey, at least the new rules require the CDP pilots to swear they’re doing “law-enforcement activities” the next time they pull a stunt of the nature.

Back in reality, their excuse for the joyride is the level of basic bullshit they expect us to believe. They don’t even do us the courtesy of conjuring an answer that makes sense. They are the disheveled husband who stumbled in the door at 1 a.m, reeking of Bud Light and swearing he didn’t spend the night drinking with his coworkers at some shitty bar in a suburban strip mall.

And why wouldn’t they? This is what their union negotiated for their new three-year contract with the ostensible progressive oasis of Columbus a year after the George Floyd uprisings:

From Bethany Bruner of dispatch.com, a known patsy for the FOP Lodge #9:

• A total raise of 14% raise for police over the three-year term of the contract (three years is standard for police union contracts). With pay raises, health care insurance and other benefits, the contract is expected to cost the city around $70 million.

• A one-time buyout offer of $200,000 each will be offered for up to 100 members at the commander level or below who have 25 or more years of experience.  There are about 500 officers eligible for the buyout, which would cost the city a total $20 million. 

• The new Civilian Police Review Board will be able to recommend discipline for officers in non-criminal investigations. While the new Office of Inspector General will be able to observe investigations into criminal allegations against any officers, the review board and inspector general cannot be involved in criminal investigations. 

• No subpoena power over police is provided to the review board under the contract. However, officers can be ordered to participate in non-criminal misconduct investigations or face the threat of firing for insubordination.  In criminal matters, officers would have Fifth Amendment protection. 

Until we elect politicians with the courage to gut the FOP union contract, smoke-and-mirrors internal investigations and empty platitudes are all we can expect from those sworn to protect and serve us.

The FOP will likely ratify this three-year contract. That means they have effectively won the battle. It’s on the rest of us to ensure they don’t win the war. Maybe one day we can expect utopian ideas like a police department that at least has the dency to lie to us in a respectful manner that doesn’t insult our collective intelligence.

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