The Rooster's December Mailbag
But first... a quick shout for our beautiful teachers!
Yesterday was “Giving Tuesday” as you might have heard.
Well… unlike those other floundering #brands, our giving will continue through the rest of December.
This year, we’re helping Central Ohio Rank & File Educators (CORE).
I’m passionate about public education because a handful of teachers in Marion took my education more seriously than I did. Despite my best efforts to ruin my life, their dedication has allowed me to pass as a semi-educated person in professional circles despite my aura of homelessness.
You can support Central Ohio’s rank-and-file educators by subscribing to their newsletter ahead of Friday’s regional meeting:
As you might know from reading The Rooster, the Republican junta has worked overtime in the past few years to figure out new and diabolical ways to deprive public educators of as much money as possible.
As such, Rooster Worldwide LLC is also passing the hat for monetary donations through multiple platforms:
Every dollar will go to the front lines of education, so even a $5 donation goes a long, long way.
To sweeten the pot, you can email me your donation receipt for a chance to win one of three free picks from the dry goods store.
I’ll also send stickers to anyone who wants one, so be sure to include a shipping address if that’s you.
Thank you for your attention to this important matter!
Now, let’s get on with the show.
Thank you to all 100+ patriots who submitted a question. The caliber is always excellent, but the December batch felt like a notch above.
As always, questions from readers are in bold, with my answers in standard text.
Some questions have been lightly edited for grammar, syntax or clarity.
You know we all want another classic Marion story...
There was a night that involved a lifelong friend, a hot tub, and two women in states of undress.
There was alcohol, weed and cocaine involved, if you can believe that. And it led me to spend the night with a woman we’ll call “White Oprah.”
I didn’t sleep. And the situation became untenable at about 7 a.m.
Seeing no other recourse, I went into the other room, shook my friend awake, and told him it was noon, that I was late to work, and that we had to get outta dodge!
He was bewildered. Thankfully, he thought his alarm didn’t go off because his phone died.
On the way out the door, the mother of the house—who was not related to the aforementioned women—remarked that she had “No idea how we lived like this.”
My friend didn’t realize that I had scammed him until he started his car and looked at the clock.
How bout them Buckeyes!?
After eating shit about Ryan Day going “Joker Mode” for the last three years, we might have reached that plateau on Saturday:
One of my most toxic qualities is my Ohio State football fandom. I make no apologies.
I also understand why everyone hates us. But I assure them that the world is a better place with the Buckeyes at the apex of the sport rather than with Michigan, Notre Dame, or those broke perverts in the SEC.
How often do you read Eleven Warriors?
I read the closest thing I’ve ever had to a mentor in Ramzy Nasrallah about every week.
And I peruse the site during the busy season, but the perk of no longer working the beat is that I can clock out from January to August and most game weeks, too.
Where would you travel on your next sabbatical from Le Rooster?
I don’t take sabbaticals. They’re bad for business, which is why I worked in Paris last month.
As for traveling, I want to show Mexico City to Hilltop Husband sometime in the foreseeable future.
Down the road: Beijing, Tokyo, Moscow, Marrakesh, Budapest and Istanbul are all on the list.
For those of us who have started reading recently and/or don’t live in Columbus, could you explain why you refer to Andy Ginther as Mayor Suburbs? All the other nicknames are pretty self-explanatory, but I get hung up on that one.
It’s because he radiates suburbanite DNA. And I mean that as no offense to any suburbanite reading The Rooster… they’re one of the good ones.
But Mayor Suburbs earned that nickname because he drives an SUV everywhere, sends his child to private school, and spends most of his free time on the golf course (outside city limits) and traveling internationally for free.
Has anyone in Columbus ever seen the mayor out on the town, living his life? No. Because he loathes the people that actually make this city run, which is why I’ll see Jesus Christ reincarnated on the Satanic Six Bus before I’ll see Mayor Suburbs.
He’s a disgrace, but more importantly, he’s an impediment to Columbus ever reaching its potential. He needs to go in 2027.
I’ve been wondering since the Epstein story started, why there hasn’t been a stronger push to uncover the Wexner connection?
You and me both, brother. “Why is Jeffrey Epstein’s best friend still calling the shots in Columbus?” is one of the most-read dispatches of 2025.
We can’t even get him off the influential Columbus Partnership, where he’s still listed as Chairman Emeritus for reasons that escape me.
But don’t worry. We’re going to be turning the heat up on Central Ohio’s most notorious thong salesman starting Thursday at 4:33 a.m.
Be sure to subscribe to The Rooster!
In what context did a lawyer once write that you are “not someone who is easily embarrassed?”
I received a cease-and-desist letter early in the game. I’ll publish it eventually, because it’s one of the funniest documents ever composed in English.
It’s a petty tactic that wouldn’t work on me today. Partly because I have learned the power of the phrase, “in my opinion.”
But as a greenhorn, I did what the cantankerous lawyer expected me to do: I took it to another lawyer to assess liability. And in the process, that lawyer relayed a couple of phrases that have stuck with me—one being that I’m not someone easily embarrassed.
And it comes from writing regularly and having to put my personal shortcomings on display for the entertainment of strangers.
Many of us quit X after Elon Musk went DoGE-crazy and turned to BlueSky. It seems like Bluesky is a nearly empty parking lot these days. Can you give us a sense of your engagement across different social media platforms these days? What is your strategy across the different platforms you use? Should we get back on Twitter? (I dread the thought)?
I have been on Twitter since September 2009. I have probably sent over a million tweets, easily. I do not want to know how much time I have spent perusing the app.
But I loved Twitter because it combined two passions: Reading and breaking news. There was no better way to consume news, because I could curate a feed of journalists from all over the world. It removed the blind spots inherent in the old way of reading a handful of news sites.
It’s a dump since Musk took over. It’s 75 percent bots—and the actual number is probably higher. And you can’t call what he did a failure, because he destroyed the last public square where you could tell a rich person like him to go fuck themselves, and have that tweet treated equally to theirs.
I have worked in recent weeks to spend less and less time on that app. It does nothing to drive my business, and racists, bots, and racist bots pollute it.
As for the other platforms, Instagram and TikTok have been my secret weapon lately. I’ll always prefer the written word, but sadly, we live in a world where large swaths of society won’t know if aliens landed if the news isn’t produced into 90-second video clips.
I’ve also learned that I’ve got juice on video, too. It helps people personalize my otherwise brash social media presence.
If you add up all the platforms, it’s a little over 100,000 followers, which is crazy to think, considering the product is a leftist lens on a political arena where most Ohioans can’t name the participants.
Has Franklin County Commissioner Erica Crawley been sued for t-boning that lady? Would like to hear the deposition of City Councilman Nick Bankston.
Her insurance company changed its tune almost as soon as The Rooster published that piece. Sadly, we won’t get Bankston under oath for that, which would have been high comedy.
Crawley’s new passion appears to be adopting, breeding, and rehoming labradoodles while operating a puppy mill out of her downtown apartment.
Has Franklin County Prosecutor Shayla Favor’s “betrayal of trust” email been found yet?
Her team has ruled that the memo doesn’t fall under public record purview. However, we did get proof of the $36,000 office renovation that sparked that memo.
I’m awaiting their ruling on some other pointed public records requests to decide how hard I want to go after that memo. The hope is to have some news to break by the end of the year.
Your last interactions with Reps. Tex Fischer and Jamie Callender, and their willingness to speak candidly with you, have made me a fan. Does their doing that hurt their standing in the House Republican Caucus?
Not with anybody who matters within the Caucus.
Speaker Matt Huffman, who has never supplied a credible alibi for his whereabouts on April 19, 1995, is not my biggest fan, if you can believe that. But he’s smart enough to know that, unlike him, his members have to deal with my antics.
The operators in the Statehouse enjoy the media practice. And they know it shows they’re no cowards.
The Matriots is a nonpartisan, non-profit organization based in Columbus, Ohio. What’s your take on this organization? They claim lots of success in the last election.
I am no fan of any organization that helps elect Republicans, especially anti-abortion Republicans.
What does the future hold for THE Rooster? (personally and professionally, if you will)
Thanks to the growth of Columbus and the perclivities of the political class, The Rooster will keep ascending as long as I stay off the vodka (1,226 days as of this writing). They dealt me into this game, and it’s a position I’m never going to surrender as long as I’m alive.
On a personal level, lately I have to remember to turn off the bathroom light after I exit, otherwise Hilltop Husband may put me on the curb like an old mattress.
THOSE WMDS. It’s time we stopped treating people as corporations… The hard-left shooters leading a gun culture revolution… Ready for War: Nick Fuentes is the successor to Charlie Kirk… The human cost of El Salvador’s gang crackdown… Colleges are preparing to self-lobotomize.
People keep asking. And I keep falling into the trap.